*hugs lots*
I'm supposed to be doing my second and last trial day at a nursery tomorrow but I don't think I can do it. I don't even want to think about it. I don't know how to explain this grinding feeling in my chest, I just want to disappear and be invisible so I don't have to face a decision and have to let anyone down.
Even if I miraculously forced myself to get out of bed and go tomorrow, it's a 9 hour day. What if I want to escape and I can't? I can't break down there in front of the children and everything. And if I magically got the job, how would I manage that every day? What would I do?
I feel like such a ****ing idiot for even bothering to try in the first place. I've just made it worse. Now I'm just going to disappoint my mother again and reinforce the fact that I am a failure.
I want to hit myself in the head so it will stop hurting me.
*hugs mrs Pan*
dont be sorry for writing a bit, its fine, its good to get it out. your not an idiot or a failure at all. all you can do at the nursery is your best. best of luck tomorrow *hugs*
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Well done for not just giving in, it takes strength. I hope your emotions manage to settle down, keep distracting yourself and hopefully you will get tired and just be able to sleep. That's my favourite distraction.
*hugs*
*hugs Ian, Mrs Pan & Oliver*
Good night all!
See ya in the morning!
*crosses fingers for Mrs Pan*
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
*sits and offers Oliver a plushie* Wanna talk about it?
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
basically I went to my GP today and we talked about a lot of things and it came up about me going back to uni in september and I have told her in the past that I was unsure about going back this year and hadn't made a decision. Now though I have made the decision to go back this september, but the decision wasn't made about me, I said to myself I'll go back because everyone expects me to (my family, teachers, the odd friend, fellow students) basically I said yes to please others. and I told my GP this today and she asked what I really feel, which is I don't think I can go back because I'm not coping now how am I going to cope with essays, practice, rehearsals etc and she said she would speak to my psych's consultant about assessing me and saying i am medically unfit to go back and she said I need to think about it from my perspective and be honest with myself about how I'm not ok. but I know I HAVE to go back this sept cos everyone thinks i am, especially my mum who thinks i am ok now and i cant let her down again.
sorry rambled on there
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
