I don't remember this ward. Apparently there's two here and I've been on the other one more. Might remember that one if I was there. Not sure. Head is muddled. I'm sure it fluxates and goes in and out. That seems to be what's happening.
It sounds like things are still very distressing for you. How is today going?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Not bad. Just really confusing and upsetting. I'm very bored but someone is bringing some stuff in for me. Spoke to nice nurse who said she thinks I need to be here for now. My hopes of getting discharged on Monday are dwindling. It was a relief to get showered, clean clothes and cream on. I haven't self harmed at all. Just agitated and confused. Bit isolated too.
I'm sorry you're still so confused and distressed. I'm glad someone is bringing stuff in for you, hopefully that can help distract you.
I think the nurse is probably right at the moment.
Well done for not self-harming.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you want/need to be told that you are 'unwell'.
Have they ever done any work with you about going in and out of hospital? Like triggers and how hospital feels for you and alternative coping strategies etc.
What's going on with the supported housing now?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Just the impression I get from your posts.
Didn't mean it in a bad way. It's not uncommon to feel that way and to want to be kept safe by others when you feel you can't do it yourself.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I think, especially at the minute, someone telling me I'm ill is a bit reassuring in a way. Explains all the confusion and makes me think things might be alright. I don't know. I don't want to be ill. I want to understand what's going on. But right now, I don't.
I can understand that in a time of huge confusion the comfort of someone saying that you're ill can be a safe explanation about it all. As you say, it's a way of saying that things will be okay and won't always be like this.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Thanks I appreciate you being understanding and not judgemental about it.
I'm confused and it's started to scare me. I've asked to speak to a nurse so I can find out what the fuck is going on. Been talking to a few other patients which settled me a bit. Otherwise feeling very alone. If my friends aren't in London anymore where are they? Why aren't they here? Where have they gone? And who are all these new people?
Thanks I appreciate you being understanding and not judgemental about it.
I'm confused and it's started to scare me. I've asked to speak to a nurse so I can find out what the fuck is going on. Been talking to a few other patients which settled me a bit. Otherwise feeling very alone. If my friends aren't in London anymore where are they? Why aren't they here? Where have they gone? And who are all these new people?
Maybe reading through some of your old threads on RYL might help you piece together the answers to some of these questions, and help you feel a little bit less disorientated?
It's completely understandable in your situation <3 I think we all here understand it to some length.
I hope talking to the nurse helps, and well done for talking to the other patients, I hope they helped you not feel so isolated.
Is there anyone outside of the hospital, family or friends, you could talk to to help you piece things together?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Could you make a timeline of photos in a scrapbook or album with dates and events and places so that you can [when this happens] ground yourself in the real time and place. If this happens over and over it could be helpful.
Thanks all I really appreciate the replies and support. Means the world right now.
All great ideas too by the way. Talking to the nurse didn't help much because she hadnt read the notes and didn't know what was going on either. I see my cc tomorrow and I vaguely remember him maybe he can shed some light on things.
A couple of hours ago a nurse let me off the ward. I didn't say anything I just walked out cos I want out of here. From what I gather I'm not allowed out so I don't know what he was doing. I wandered round lost for a while with only my purse and phone but battery was dead. I went to the train station but missed the last train to London. Some police officers saw me sitting in the station and asked me if I was ok. They took me to their office. I explained what I could remember and they ran me through the system. They brought me back to hospital. I don't know why I was allowed out earlier but I'm not allowed out now.
Review was a total waste of time. Consultant didn't have a clue. She said if I can give her my London address I can go home. She didn't say anything about how long I'd be here otherwise. I just need to find my address and I should be able to leave.
Things sound really confusing, and the staff don't seem to be doing much to help you. I'm glad you were found and brought back, it didn't sound like you were too safe.
Are you able to speak to another member of staff about how the review went. It seems like she didn't listen to you at all.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I asked to speak to a nurse earlier but she was busy. I didn't get to speak to my cc at all, I don't really know why. I'm off the ward, same thing happened as yesterday. Same nurse let me out. Don't know what to do now. Feeling very unsettled/confused/unsafe. Don't want to go back to the ward. Battery is going on my phone and don't have my charger. Everything just feels a bit of a mess right now.
Katie, it sounds like things are still very confusing for you at the moment.
The best thing to do would be to go back to the ward. They can help keep you safe and provide you with a bit of stability in this unsettled time.
Perhaps it would help to look through your phone and see what family and friends you can speak to. I'm sure if you explain the situation to them that they will be more than happy to help you find out where you life.
Surely your CC can tell you where you live?
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
