*comes in and curls up in the corner with a fleece blanket*
I am so sick of life right now.
It feels like I am never going to get better.
My husband is back at work after 3 days on family medical leave to take care of me. I want him back home because he keeps me from thinking so much about purging or cutting. Right now I want to do both. I just drank a coffee shop drink and while it didn't have a ton of kcal it had enough... just want to purge!!!!!
*cries*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I'm back.
Was quite good. Had party poppers, crackers, and played trivial pursuit. Kind of. Also had curry, and a bit of a chat. Felt kind of awkward though.
Is only snowy very lightly.
Some kids are being majorly annoying and throwing snowballs across the road at each other. And sliding on the icy road. Don't feel very safe with them out there. Not sure if my flatmates are going out or their friend is coming here.
Sounds like fun, Katie. What was awkward about it, though? *hugs*
Now I've got a headache and a tummyache. :( Boo hiss.
Adding more cds to my iPod... I'm having fun with this!! :D which is good, as I need something to keep me occupied.
Today at the grocery store I picked up 2 fillets of catfish. I've heard from my bestie that it's really yummilicious (nommilicious? :P) and then when I saw that they had it, I grabbed it. They're big fillets though... which is good for the price ($5 for the two) but still... ick. I hate eating!!!!
Ho hum. Today is really dragging. I have violin lessons later though so that should make time pass a bit faster. I teach it, and I love doing so. :D I only have two students now, a mum and her daughter (who's 11 and absolutely adorable!!), and we have a lot of fun. :)
Blah. Want to sleep forever and ever but that would really irritate my husband.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Ahh, I see. I have social anxiety also but it's been getting better, which is relieving. It was really bad a few years back. *hugs*
I really want the "new" cd by Nightwish (the one that was produced after Tarja was kicked). I know it's about 29732 years old now, but I still haven't gotten it. Whoops. Been on more of a Skillet and Within Temptation kick I guess.
I am so freaking tired. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
*also gratefully receives hug and sends one out after Louise*
I needed that. :)
*sigh*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Good morning people! had a bit of a sleep in thanks to hubby being here but woke to him yelling and smacking the kids...not impressed so i got up and yelled at him. hmmmmm not a good start to the morning. Im thinking of leaving mid january and taking the kids of course.
Do any of you have kids? or in a similar situation? i keep having these panic attack things and the room spins and goes in a haze, heart races, dizzy, break out into a sweat and everyone's voice fades into the distance...its horrible and i want to curl up under a rug but dont want to look ridiculous so i dont!
i sort of feel like saying ''im not coping, take me away, put me in the hospital and let me rest''. But then if i do that i cant leave nor keep the kids. So i have to remain as normal and strong as i can and it very hard.
Firstly I went to the supermarket and bought some of my last minute presents.
Then mums car broke down (lol)
Then eventually got home and my friend came around and we went out for tea. Then on the way back stopped at my sisters to drop her cards off and some money I owed her.
Absolutely shattered now.
weighing up if i want to go bed and sleep or watch new moon.
I slept pretty well last night.
I'm so glad to have today off work! I'm walking round to one of the libraries where I used to work a bit later today to drop off some cards and stuff.
No, actually. It isn't tomorrow..it's today that's keeping me up, worrying me.
It was...hmm..
I'll keep it short,
-she only has one kidney (right)
-She is on a 24 hour blood pressure monitor (sun-mon)
-the kidney is enlarged (13.8 cm...'normal' adult is 10-12 cm)
-we are waiting the results from the blood tests...if there is anything 'serious' she will be started on treatment right away, if it is 'ok' we will have a review in 3 mos.
I hate to admit it, trying to make it go away...
but im ****ing terrified.
I thought all this horror of med. stuff was over with her.
The last few months of pregnancy were...horrible, scary.
I feel so helpless.
Im supposed to care for her, keep her safe...
im really scared
