Kat, it's so hard and aggrovating when one part harms the body and another has to deal with the consequences. We know what its like, we find the more communication the better, but it sounds like thats a hard thing, since Vetis only communicates with KatD and only through feelings.... Does journalling help open up/break down barriers?
FMG, we know what those headaches are like, we can empathize.
Euphoria blossom, good to see you! (so to speak)
Chris, we find that can be a great help as well, just radiating positive and caring feelings can sometimes be enough to take the edge of the distress.
Katie, what kind of lost? Spacey and confused or lacking a direction?
Just wondering...
We were at a friends place and drank heavily 2 days straight, so we're feeling quite under the weather, but we wanted to pop in and say 'hello!' and that we're thinking of you all.
lostboys
Last edited by bleeding black : 19-01-2009 at 07:48 AM.
Reason: pressed post to early... oops
I'm sorry about that Katrica.
Almost disassociated badly during history class today.
I almost had a really bad flashback, and started to write in my journal to try and ground myself. A classroom is not a good place for shaking and wanting to throw up.
And that's exactly what I wanted to do.
And the judgmental rondo was just running in my head, constantly, killing me...
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
Big college lecture hall. I doubt he gives a flying f*ck.
It's funny, I felt fine yesterday, and I actually slept well last night, but the nervousness and feeling on edge comes in waves, and it's back. I don't think there's a rhyme or reason to this. I wish I could distinguish a pattern or a trigger or something, so I could at least help myself to not disassociate.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
Lost as in... didn't know where I was, didn't have an anchor I could feel.
Am doing better now.
Still wondering quite where I am on the dissociative spectrum, as it were.
I've not been myself this past week. I was totally overwhelmed with stress.
I need to read 'The Inner World of Trauma' again. Or some of it, at least.
i am feeling sad and shakey and i have been wanting to say hello but i dont want anyone to know my name but i want to be important i can see other people who can talk here so i can too i want to say thank you to chris for being my big and he should not be feeling he is evil cos he is not he is a very sad man he is crying and i dont know how to help him
Chris' little one - hello. :) It's ok to talk here.
Hi lostboys.
---
I think I'm at last coming out of Katrina-state.
It's been hard.
Someone has said they like her attitude and fireyness. But. That's not all she is. She can be so destructive and violent. Not a good thing. She has skewed ideas of protection dating back to very primitive fight-flight.
And.. Little Girl won't ever grow up. That's how trauma is. She's frozen there because of what happened. I just have to live around her and try my best not to think I am her. Which is harder than it sounds. Because she needed love and understanding so much.
i feel embarrassed about this. she's only five but she's just the most amazing person. i have absolutely no say on what goes with her and i wouldnt want to either. i'm proud of her but i also feel really exposed. thank you for being so welcoming to her
lostboys... thank you. no offence to others but it feels really comforting to have another male-bodied person here to relate to. i often feel ashamed of being male and hate much of what it brings
katie... i share this body with someone similar. i have no way of communicating with them that i know of although i try frequently. what happened to me is that my partner expressed love, trust and acceptance to young and protective people and things really shifted. i wish that for you too and i hope its ok to say that
my psychologist asked me to bring something from my flat that represents the children that share my body. i found it hard. really hard.
sort of feel like i'm dissociating a lot since then, and also getting randomly really agitated like i used to. it's like a strange split, stepping outside, hearing someone else's crying and distress
The following content has been hidden - Reason : self harm
and in the bath, one hand pulling my hair under the water, my body fighting against it, but there is no thought. hitting head off bath.
still. yes. i feel distressed a lot. my psychologist wants me to bring the things every week.
purple godess.. i've met a few that have faked it but then again they started off with a bullshit agenda and they're sniffed out sooner or later. its really insulting and disheartening when it happens
you know the truth. don't let ignorant opinions rock your boat. you know the deal and its hard enough having d.i.d. without people using what little knowledge they have as a weapon. just notice what their motive for saying what they were saying. it probably says a lot more about them than anything about you
Chris,
I feel the same way about you, its a relief and a comfort having another dude around.....
Katie,
we're thinking of you also... How are you? Has the Katrina-state gone away now? send safe thoughts or hugs (whichever she'd prefer) to your little.
Purple Goddess,
We have been called liars before too.
Remember RYL is for SI mainly, and therefore a few (very few) will know what DID is or what its like and how it works....
Sometimes those people have no clue what they are doing or talking about, sometimes they do. When they do know its worse.
People do make it up. It's sick and often really sad. At the time though, its usually just really upsetting or enraging.
Laura,
How are you? How did it go with your psych? What did you bring in this week?
Oh and also, chris, i know what you mean about the negative conotations.
I was on another board (for survivors) and read a post that condemned all men being arseholes who use and abuse women and only think with their dicks.
Lots of the little parts got really really upset, and some of the older ones got quite angry... It really hurt....
