We are struggling today. Everything is very chaotic internally and there is so much noise and intrusion inside. We are feeling very frightened today because the Voices keep telling us that HE is coming to get us.
We have been uncovering a lot of rape memories recently and finding it very hard to cope.
We hope that everyone is having a calm and enjoyable afternoon.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hope you're okay Obadiah, it does become difficult to cope when you recover hurtful memories that were previously repressed.
I hope you don't get kicked off Sadie, Ayka enjoys talking to you.
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Felt all spacey today, like I was moving around, even when I wasn't... Had another migraine again, my headaches and migraines seem to be getting more frequent... Urgh.
hey all.. well as for what was replied about the rules .. guess it makes sense but well *shrug* cant help feeling its unfair.. it really made sarah feel bad..
sarah doesnt go into chat here anymore really.. but last night as we were awake all night literally.. sadie was bored and the only place with anyone to talk to was in chat here.. sadie was there most of the time but well wanted out to talk to another little that cmae into the chat.. he was younger than sadie but older than sarah and well she really likes talking to anyone closer to her age. everyone was really nice to her.. if any of them read this... sincerely thank you..=) and she had no problems but well before sadie logged off the site totally .. she checked the other chat room just to see who was there and recognized the name from a time he got on to her and upset her and made her cry.
but that is sadie lol and well she has been taking up for sarah more often lately.
we really are having some odd, misunderstood but what feels like rather big changes taking place inside lately.. really arent sure what it is or why..wish we had some idea.. but anyhow that is what the deal was .. thanks all for replying.. its nice to feel cared for ..strange and a bit uncomfortable, but nice..=)
Thank you KitKat. We are really struggling at the moment. It all feels so overwhelming and frightening. I know that we are safe now but it's hard to really believe it. I hope that things have improved for you. Do you know what has triggered the migraines?
HidingMe, I'm sorry to hear that Sarah has encountered difficulties on chat. Sometimes it can be really hard on littles when they aren't really welcome. If Sarah would like to talk, she could always PM me and talk to our littles. They would be delighted to have a friend. I hope that the changes that are taking place aren't too scary and that you are all coping with it.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I don't know, they came on when I was on holiday a few weeks ago and since then they always happen in the same spot for about five seconds and it's a really intense shooting pain, and then it's gone. My head's been kinda "busy" lately, having problems with my thoughts and stuff.
Or Sarah could talk to Blue or Holly, or Sapphire (though she doesn't really talk to anyone).
We feel like there is so much compressed 'stuff' in our head and it's all coming out, we feel like we need to wear a beanie to hold it and ourselves all in. Memories and feelings flooding our head, it feels like the memories are coming out of our head and into the real world, engulfing us and what is in our environment...
wow thanks everyone for being so nice to sarah.. she loves having little friends cause she is lonely and bored inside with "us boring grown ups" as she says hehe
Fraction- thanks the changes are kinda freakin us out cause we dont know whats happening or whats causing it or if its good or bad..
lostboys- sorry things are tough for you but we understand and hope they get better pm anytime ok hon?
Ash -- I read your thread and we are sorry to hear you're struggling. Going to the hospital seems like your best option at this point. We hope it's a good and healing experience for you :).
Hiding -- Some of our littles could talk to Sarah if you like (Charlotte seems most perceptive). As for those internal changes, well, they're a new adventure! :D
Obadiah -- Welcome to the thread! More supportive people always helps, and you can always come to us if you continue to struggle.
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We've been struggling still with our meds. They make our system as a whole less co-conscious, make us lose more time than usual, and make me (Jen) feel sick.
Luke did not stay integrated, he sort of came back out after only a day. I feel like my head is a sort of pop-up toy where parts just pop up and down as they please.
As usual, feeling like I'm standing on the edge of some great mental precipice, where all of the memories and bad things are right below me and I'm about to fall.
Take care everyone.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
palemoon- thanks .. wish we felt more optimistic about the changes will help if we knew SOMETHING about it how, why, good or bad.. *shug* idk idc hiding is trippin bad about it all tho and it overflows on me.. dude lol gotta go mikes threatening to turn pc off if we dont eat dinner lol sarahs time .. i hate the action of eatin dunno why.. anyhow rambling sorry Laters- SADIE
BleedingBlack we have posted on your thread and we have PMed you our old user name, as it is not safe to post it publicly. We are thinking of you.
Kitkat maybe it would be helpful for you to try to work out what is happening internally? We tend to find that trying to just keep going and ignore what is happening inside brings on headaches, as it becomes so chaotic.
HidingMe I am sure that the changes will become clearer over time. Try not to worry about it, even though I know it's really hard when there are a lot of internal shifts.
PaleMoon I am sorry to hear that integration wasn't permanent, but I am glad that Luke came forward so soon. In the past alters have "integrated" in our system, only to appear again months later, saying that they were hiding because they felt unsafe. Do you have any therapy or psychological support? Medication can make things feel very frightening when it disrupts the system. Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about how unhelpful you feel it is?
We feel very worn out today. The mind feels battered and bruised. We feel overwhelmed by memories but it is all too chaotic to even work out which memories are disturbing us.
thanks obadiah ( bad ass name btw!!) yeah well 6 hrs sleep in the past 2 days is odd when we are used at least 8 usually more for like our entire lives..
but figured out im the best to handle it.. i can at least function and think more clearly than sarah and Hiding can with so liittle sleep HA! SADIE
Last edited by hidingme : 13-09-2010 at 02:13 PM.
Reason: oops!! used hiding's real name! corrected it ha!
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It's all so hidden from me... Everyone's so quiet, and no one really seems to want to talk.
For the past three or four nights (I lose count) I have been crying a lot, which isn't really like me.
I am keeping a diary on Microsoft Word, which is the safest place to keep it because then my Mum can't find it and read it.
I know how you feel, our mind is tired because some painful memories kept coming through, one in particular and it really upset Holly (as it was one of her memories). Someone inside wants us to cut, or something is putting thoughts into my head about cutting.
We have outpatient group therapy very soon, so we're just popping in to say hi.
Obadiah -- Yes, we have a therapist. We missed our last appointment with her as she had a personal emergency, but we will see her again this Friday. We have so much to tell her! We are going to ask her why Luke didn't stay integrated. Maybe she'll know.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Hi,
I used to post on this thread a lot but since I grabbed a new user account I haven't really posted much.
anyway, I've been dissociating a lot recently - feeling disconnected from my body and emotions. I keep having flashbacks and hearing voices in my head.
Then my body freezes and I get confused, really confused. I can't remember things, important things like who my fiancee is or that my nan is dead.
Today in counselling I forgot who my counsellor was, and where I was, and why I was there. I forgot where I lived.
sorry for the ramble...
Sorry to hear you broke up with your girlfriend Scath, hope you're doing okay too.
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I keep forgetting where I've put things. The current thing that I have lost/mislaid is my oyster card and I need that for two days time!! Has anyone got any tips on how to recover things that you can't remember where you've put?
Sadie - Thanks :-] It's funny you should say that about the name being badass - one of my alters (I am an alter within the system but I have alters too) is called Bada and he thinks of himself as a badass. We hope that you all get a better night's sleep tonight. You seem to be doing very well managing it all. Do you know what has been disrupting your sleep?
Kitkat - Sorry to hear that you are struggling with memories. I'm glad to hear that you keep a journal - it's something that we find invaluable. Is there anyone that you could talk to?
Jen - I hope that group therapy went well today. Perhaps Luke had some more memories that he hasn't disclosed or dealt with yet? Or perhaps he is still needed within the system?
Emma - I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time at the moment. It's so distressing when you lose such important memories like that. Do you think there is something that your mind is trying to protect you from? We often find that a period of disconnection relates to a memory surfacing that is hard to manage. We hope you are doing ok.
Scath we are sending you support and care and hoping that you are coping with such a terrible time.
We had a great conversation with the host's mum today. We have been feeling all over the place and very zoned out but talking things through has given us a lot of clarity. We are thinking about possible legal action against our abuser. Not for ourselves, since the host has not even begun to access any emotion related to what happened, but to try to protect potential new victims.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It is irritating that it has to be on microsoft word, I used to carry one around with me so if any of us got the urge to write something then we could do it straight away instead of letting it fester inside, but we can't risk that with such a nosey but not so understanding Mum.
I think I just made up the word fester. Is it a word? Hmm, it works in that sentence anyhoo xD
That's great that you talked to your Mum and gained clarity, I'm pleased to hear that you're thinking about bringing legal action against your abuser, it's a step in the right direction (: that's great to read.
