Sadie did it again.. last night at work i got really depressed, cried.. then sarah came and wrote in journal.. she had wroteabout how maybe our daughter and hubby may not love us anymore which i think hit a trigger point in relation to ex hubby..
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trigger- SH
Sadie came out and felt dazed or zoned out. Iheardher thinking of how life is useless and we cant ever do anything good enough and we are just a waste of oxygen..* we all feel that way* She cut us again on the arm in the same place as before. it isnt bad..but it hurts and feel ashamed..I know sadie isnt suicidal.. she just doesnt know how to deal with emotions other than anger.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I'm an emotional mess at the moment. All I want to do is daydream because it means that my head won't be in this world, and because I can't daydream I'm feeling really crap and I just burst into tears. I'm supposed to be on holiday.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Sorry I did post after you but it seems to have disappeared... A lot of my posts do that now. I'll repost what I said if I can remember it.
Rosy, I'm sure your friend does want you around, if she didn't then she would've said I'm sure, or at least not contacted you or something. I'm sorry that you think she doesn't want you around, I'm sure she'd be sad if you died too.
Thanks. :) We live together, so she has to have me around. Sometimes she does switch to someone who doesn't like me much at all, but usually not for very long. I'm sorry about that last post. I was upset and freaking out a bit. I'm calmer now.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low right now KitKat. Sometimes holidays can be really difficult times even though they're supposed to be good fun. And then you feel worse because you know you should be having a good time. Do you know why you're feeling bad at all?
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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It's okay, I've been freaking out quite a bit lately, not sure why but my feelings are slowly becoming out of control and I can't really handle them at the moment...
I have no idea why I'm feeling so crap. I burst into tears twice yesterday, I'm still not sure why. I don't know what to do about it :/
How are you feeling now? Sometimes people can switch like that (I know I do with some of my friends) but I don't mean it, I'm just very irritable at that point in time. Glad to hear you're feeling calmer :)
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Has anyone ever felt like they don't know themselves? That you don't know how to be happy, or anything like that? Feeling lost in myself right now, don't really know what's going on in my head but I don't like it.
Hey guys,
It's been pretty quiet here hey?
Hope everyone is doing alright.
Rosy, sorry to hear you are struggling so much with this part. It's possible (even probable) that it isn't that they don't want you around, but they are acting defensively to avoid hurt. If they get close to you, they perceive you can hurt them, whether by leaving or something else. It's likely that because you mean so much to them, that this is even more frightening.
Do you speak with this part much? Could you talk to him/her about it?
_
My (ash) mood has been so low lately, I don't know why and I don't feel like I can shift it. I haven't felt this depressed in quite some time, no energy, feeling useless, really low mood... It's been a couple of weeks now and I'm really tired of it... T doesn't have much insight either. We're going to 'continue our detective work' today she says.
Art therapy in an hour, the topic is 'Grief and loss' ...fantastic.
havent had alot to say lately..sorry been really depressed and sadie hasnt really helped matters much.. been checkin in tho even if we arent posting..just wanted to let yall know we are here listening and caring. Hiding
Thanks for your reply, bleeding black. We've talked a little bit about things, which helped a little. Another part told me that it's not that she doesn't like me, more that she doesn't really know how to respond to me. Hopefully things will improve between us, but it may take some time. I was upset at the time because she'd just come back from a holiday and I'd missed her like crazy, and I felt like she wished I wasn't here at all. It's stupid that I got so upset. I'm not great at regulating my emotions.
Kat, Hiding, and bleedingblack... I'm really sorry you guys have been feeling so low lately. :( I wish I could offer more support.
is ok we hav bad allergic reacshun to medsin hiding say.. itchee swollin hurtee spots all ovr hans sooo swollin hardli can do anyting. we gona tri go dr toda. i reeli hat tis hurti bodi so much
went to dr today about allergic reaction.. *trigger warning..in case*
she told me stop taking penicillin and buspar since we know it was one of those 2.. she tried finding a replacement for the buspar but had trouble finding something.. she will keep looking. got a cortizone shot.. and a script for steriods.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : may trigger- symptoms of possibly fainting
omg i swear i almost passed out in van when mike was driving me.. first felt very nauseous, then felt likr inside my chest was ice cold, then felt needles in my scalp, and then i could have sworn to God that my entire body was literally on fire.. and saw bright yellow lightning when i closed my eyes.. i was so scared i was almost crying.. thought i was dying.. mike was scared too he said i got very clammy feeling. luckily it went away.
im still very itchy and swollen.. guess that shoit helped some but not nearly enough for my liking.
also in dr office i noticed my arms were burning hot to touch but my fingertips were cold and almost a black color.. guess the swelling was cutting circulation off. normal color and feel now.. arms still swollen hot and ered tho and fingers still tingling like asleep. sorry ill shut up now.. i am just horribly miserable. anyhow im ok i guess
I have a hamster now. He's a russian winter white dwarf and is tiny tiny tiny. 1/3 the size of my palm. I don't know what to call him yet, but I have a child going magic magic magic magic magic in my head so I'll probably call him Magic. I'm really excited - and nervous that I'll lose him 'cause he's so tiny - but mostly really excited
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
He sounds adorable. Magic is a great name! Hamsters are great pets. They're so much fun. Russian dwarves tend to be very quick, but it doesn't take long before they get used to being handled.
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Really is coming up clearly how Trini/child me thinks and feels totally like a child would, and cannot handle adult concepts of things. That is her developmental age, where things got frozen.
But there's me who can. Just about.
It blows my mind, shakes me up.
How do you deal with it? And nurture your adult self at the same time?
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I've had 4 hamsters, all in all. I used to have a few pets to make up for the fact that I didn't have any friends, though I didn't realise that at the time.
Scath, Magic sounds gorgeous! I think the youngster picked a great name :)
We used to breed mice (having 50 at a time) spent a lot of time cleaning cages, playing with them, loved every second of it. We had rats as well. They are so soothing and sweet creatures. We get upset every now and then because our step-dad won't let us have them anymore.
Katie, we're thinking about your question, and it is such an obvious question for people who have younger selves, being so relevant and important but they answer is tricky....
We definitely relate to it.
We suppose our answer is multi-faceted.... With some things that are very adult, sex for instance, we try to keep them away from the situation as much as possible.
With other things they don't understand we try to simplify them as much as possible, making them easier for a childmind to understand, using metaphors that they can relate to. It can take a lot of time and patience, talking them through things, but it helps. they may be stuck at their developmental stage, but they can still learn concepts. Perhaps not to an adult level, but still they learn and can expand their understanding.
Sometimes we find they fixate on ideas or concepts they don't understand, and will keep questioning it until they understand.
Of course there are others that they don't understand that cause them to get overwhelmed and frightened. At that point we do some nurturing, try to give them space away from whatever is upsetting them, and come back to it once they have settled.
Sorry about the essay, it's just a very loaded question we suppose.... Hope we at least gave you some insight, if nothing else.
Labyrinth,
Hope you are alright, if you want to share anything, we are here.
Thanks lost boys, that's really helpful.
I'm planning on writing a list of where she's at developmentally speaking. Unfortunately we suspect [that is, me and my therapist] that she's 5-ish chronologically, but emotionally aged toddler, and intellectually a very young infant. It's damn hard. I need help getting my head around this, but the work is to grow my adult self. I... guess I can do research on understanding the developmental levels myself.
It's hard, and I'm feeling full of self hate, rage and sadness this morning.
