Mental illness runs heavily in my family. My father struggled with severe depression and my brother has Asperger's Syndrome.
Our current diagnoses are Mood Disorder-NOS (Not Otherwise Specified), ED-NOS, and a tentative diagnosis of DID from our therapist. Not sure how we feel about the last one.
Hiding, so glad you're back from the hospital. Did you think it was helpful? We thought it was when we went.
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*Very triggering below*
Things have been difficult lately. One of the new alters is causing trouble. Especially with self-harm. The last thing we remember is walking down the stairs and taking the scissors out of the cabinet. The next clear memory is our arm bleeding.
Everyone is upset that they have to stay inside all the time. But how else am I (Jen) supposed to drive, work full-time, study, and appear normal? I'm working a lot and it's making everyone restless.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Yes, of course you belong here, Katie. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel "less than."
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Can't sleep. Getting sick. Henry came out and tried to scream, to vent a little anger and pain, but there is still a wall, a barrier, between it and me. Frustrated. Confused. Hurting. I just want this to be over!
I don't want people inside my head!
I don't want to not remember what I do!
I don't want to remember bad things!
I just want all of them to LEAVE ME ALONE.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Thanks.
I just.
Feel.
Like I'm a fraud or something.
And jealous.
Though that is a bit.
Ugh.
This morning I've found myself keep being unable to find the right word for what I'm thinking in my head.
So much so that a senior manager asked with concern whether it was a speech difficulty. :|
I think it's more the internal shock of walls inside opening out.
And the second time was in relation to an upsetting thing that happened round here recently. It had happened to someone who I'd worked with for a short while, I'd just been told by this senior manager. Well, he didn't know I'd worked with him, it was a general announcement. But it took me about nearly a minute to find the name in my head for the vehicle that had run him over, even though I knew what it was.
palemoon~ thanks i do feel better knowing.. feels good not doubting .really hope itll stay this way.
katie- sweetheart, you do belong here- dx or not.. the first things i thought while posting on the forums about my dxs was you.. cause well i know it sorta triggers your doubtfulness... i seriously debated posting my ddnos dx because i didnt want you to start feeling like you didnt belong. =( im sorry honey.
i promise.. you do belong here just as much as the rest of us hon.
we love you. always here if you need anything ok? * big safe hugs* Hiding
Thanks. Trini&Katrina moment I guess... I need to have more compassionate awareness of these moments.
It's complicated by how my split-ness is attachment trauma related in a large part of it. Well, one layer of it, anyway.
I managed not to lose touch with words in therapy this afternoon. But it's disconcerting when I think I'm Katie, and I'm actually not, it's one or other or both of Them.
Anyone else ever get this experience?
My name is Carrie. I am a part of Jen. I belong to evil and Satan and did bad things with her brother. I am going to hell for it, but I don't want anyone else to have to go.
So I will go alone.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
katie- yeah we do that alot .. mainly me and hiding since sarah is well so much younger. it seems sometimes, especially mornings after we first wake up.. we often cant figure out who is out.. we feel twisted like in a blender..its really uncomforting, but when we can tell who is out.
hi carrie- you arent evil or from satan. you didnt do anything wrong .. but your brother did. we are sorry youre hurting.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sapphire told me that when I was younger and when I was bad my Mum would talk about me when I went out the room. Apparently I used to stand outside the door and listen. Which explains why I do that sometimes now.
ya you guys gona be alright? sounds a LOT like things are going crazy, is there anyone (outside your body) whos able to help/
Yes, things are a little unstable inside. Lots of bad feeling and memories, lots of pain and suffering and wanting it to go away. We are managing, but really need to see our therapist.
Everyone, thanks for reassuring Carrie. I can feel her pain through our co-consciousness, and it is so huge as to seem unbearable.
But yet we still also struggle with denial. We think the abuse wasn't "bad enough" to warrant so much splitting.
Kat: I know what you mean. When my parents used to argue when I was little, I would stand outside the door and listen, for fear they were arguing because of me.
Last edited by PaleMoon : 05-08-2010 at 12:59 AM.
Reason: add-on
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
nothing much to add atm really..guess we are doing so-so .. still really stressed about $, bills and such and the crap with family concerning my hospital stay, but the denial seems to have faded some..although, its still there..its not as bad and nagging at me so much.
guess i just wanted to say good morning and hope everyone has a good day today.
