The Borderline Personality Disorder Thread - Page 205

Stellata · 20-09-2009, 05:33 PM

What's happened, Laura?
I'm listening, and I won't judge you.

whirlpools · 20-09-2009, 05:40 PM

Thanks, Katie :)

I just asked a question on a different part of the forum and apparently I'm lacking common sense. That's the implication. I don't understand why people ask a question because they aren't aware of something and would like a friendly but informative answer, not some patronising rubbish.

I'm quite tempted to really lock horns with people over this. It's almost like I'm ready to say "You know what? I help people as best I can here. If the sentiment isn't going to be returned then I'm not shying away even from infraction points".

But then maybe I just need to calm down and have a cigarette :)

Stellata · 20-09-2009, 05:42 PM

Deep breaths.
I understand.
Remember they don't know you.
You know you.

whirlpools · 20-09-2009, 05:45 PM

Thanks Katie, you're right :)

ThinkingofRecovery · 20-09-2009, 06:09 PM

I reckon you should choose the cigarette route rather than end up replying in a like manner and trying to compete with me for the most number of infraction points

whirlpools · 20-09-2009, 06:13 PM

I'll try that, Carrie! Although I think a few infraction points would actually count as "recovery" to me, since a large part of my problem is not being able to express when I'm angry very well. How are you today?

ThinkingofRecovery · 20-09-2009, 06:18 PM

If that were the case for me, then I would be fully recovered

.

I'm okish thanks. Feeling disgusting for pigging out on pizza and still trying to get around to going out for a short walk - have been intended to for days.

How are you doing other than being angry b/c of a thread elsewhere?

whirlpools · 20-09-2009, 06:42 PM

Hehehe!

I hope you manage to get out for a short walk, do you have an iPod or anything you can listen to? Maybe you could promise to treat yourself with a DVD or something when you get back. It's really hard to be motivated, I know (especially with housework where I'm concerned).

I'm okay thanks, have put the other thread on ignore, it's not going to get to me. Seem to still have random murderous thoughts that pop in and are quite sadistic, am trying to practice "mindfulness" to allow them just to float in and then back out again without me ruminating on them outside of therapy. Need the courage to bring it up with my psychologist.

ThinkingofRecovery · 20-09-2009, 07:16 PM

You are stronger than I am putting a thread on ignore and actually ignoring it, I always get tempted.

I did it, I went for a fast walk - only for 27 minutes but it is a start and although I was walking and no doubt looked ridiculous I walked at a slwo jogging pace. I suppose it is a start and I should feel positive but right now I am just sweaty and remember how well I used to run :(

Left in the centre · 20-09-2009, 08:29 PM

hey guys.
laura hope your feeling calmer

carrie - you've made a positive start and thats good that you got the motivation to go out

-
me . so i did it again.
told the guy i loved him. he wanted to know who it was.
we talked for 3 hours last night about the abuse, our craziness and how we would just be friends
then he "let me give him a blow job" .
i dont understand it. he said i dont need to do those things to be liked.. obviously i do
he sends so many mixed messages.
theres nothing more than friendship except when he's got no one to satisfy him...
it hurts now he's gone home again. im sad.

whirlpools · 20-09-2009, 10:40 PM

I'm sad too hearing that, Sarah. Talking about abuse and then letting you give him a blow job doesn't seem very understanding or caring to me. It's a horrible equation. Do you think you can make a decision to protect yourself and not have any more sexual contact with him? I'm worried that you feel you need to perform sexually to feel liked. I can't explain what I mean properly, I'm sorry, head's not working well enough. But know that I am worried and I care. xxx

Left in the centre · 20-09-2009, 10:45 PM

thanks hun.
i dont think im gonna see him that much anymore . not with uni about to start... it wont be practical.
i only see him every few months anyway.

and yeah dont worry you got it spot on but thats a deep routed thing.

how are you ?

whirlpools · 20-09-2009, 10:56 PM

I'm good thanks :) just finished a collage/painting and I actually like it, which never happens. Going to have a bath soon, feel a bit chilly.

Left in the centre · 21-09-2009, 12:29 AM

sounds like an amazing picture then :)
and a chilled out night which is never bad

zowie · 21-09-2009, 02:14 AM

I don't want to be too blunt here Sarah; but if he really understood you he would have made you think that he was 'letting you' give him a blow job. It was what he wanted, I don't know if there was any satisfaction in it for you, but it does seem like he's taking advantage of your vunrability.

Thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday :) I had a lovely birthday and I even saw a shooting star about half an hour ago. I know it's not officially my bday anymore, but I want to believe it was my mum saying happy birthday.

Left in the centre · 21-09-2009, 09:23 AM

Thanks zowei. your completely right. There wasnt any feeling of what i wanted in there in was a case of do it he went to inside to sleep and i was left on my knee's outside lol.
but im feeling better today. i know he used me. and im more rational i cried it out last night so were all good.

hope everyone else is too x

Bleeding Angel · 21-09-2009, 12:51 PM

I missed quite a bit while i was gone. Zowie im glad you had a good birthday, even though its over you can still have that happy glowing feeling. Sarah men can be complecated and i have knowen guys like that, that only ever want one thing from you and use the fact that you might be scared or too shy to say no.

Im feeling really lousy. I dont know why though, i mean i should be feeling really happy. So i stayed at this guy that likes me over the weekend, took us til sunday night to get kinda close and stuff, and asking him how he really feels about me.

But i really dont know anything about relationships, kinda sounds sad since im 21 and all, but i dont like letting myself get close to people at all, because of the rejection thats going to happen in end, or what mostly happens.

But i really freaked out badly on him because he knew about my bpd, and i swear i do not remember telling him, i was so close to crying. He really didnt care at all about it, but it feels so personal to me, it took me ages to calm down.

Aghhhh.

ThinkingofRecovery · 21-09-2009, 01:09 PM

Aww Mari, what do you mean by he didn't really care about it? Perhaps it is a good thing in that he wants to know you, not an illness?

btw, 21 isn't sad. I'm 27 and have had very few relationships and managed to get in a mess from them.

__________

I am inexplicably anxious today. Argh.

Bleeding Angel · 21-09-2009, 01:16 PM

I mean it as in he said ok you have it, but i like you for who you are regardless of if you have a label or not. I know its a good thing but i still hate the fact of him knowing. I think im worried about that too, if i end up getting hurt.

Is there any reason why you are feeling like that? You could try doing something relaxing to calm you down.

ThinkingofRecovery · 21-09-2009, 01:23 PM

That sounds really positive to be honest. I suppose though that his reaction of ok, it doesn't matter makes you wonder why you told him however, I'm glad that you did because otherwise there would have come a point in the future when you would be worried loads about telling him and his reaction. Sorry, not sure if that makes sense.

I don't know why I am feeling like this. I'm trying to distract myself and even had another shower today.