This could be triggering, so don't read it if you don't feel strong enough right now.
I need your help! I'm a little over 3 months free, but I'm really struggling! It's getting harder and harder. A lot of things have been happening that have really triggered me, and I've managed to resist the urges so far. At church this morning, I raised my hand (with all eyes closed) when my pastor asked if anyone is feeling beat down by life and is struggling. It was a good service that left me feeling some better. Then something else happened, and something else after that, that has me struggling more than before. I almost cut. I took a blade into the bathroom with me and came extremely close. I keep thinking that maybe just a minor cut would make me feel better. There's only been one time that I've kept from cutting deep and long enough to need stitches, so I'm afraid that once I start, I won't be able to stop until it's bad. I'm really trying to stop SI, but I really feel the need to. Please help! I'm not up to talking about what's been happening, I just need your help and support since I have none. I'm in this Solo.
I received this email today and found it really encouraging - rather like "Footprints."
"The Quilt Holes"
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth.. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.'
I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you. When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.
Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.
Father, bless all my family and friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
Send this on to five other people, including the one who sent it to you.. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.
"The Quilt Holes"
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth.. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.'
I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you. When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.
Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.
Father, bless all my family and friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
Send this on to five other people, including the one who sent it to you.. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.
I need some serious prayer right now... I feel so lost and alone!!! I feel as though God is out to spite me, that He hates me and is cursing me. In my heart, I know this isn't true. I know He loves me. But I just can't accept this. I feel that I don't deserve His love. I don't know who could love someone as screwed up as I am... Besides that, if He does love me, why is He making everything so difficult??? I know the whole thing about struggles making you stronger and Him only giving you as much as you can handle, but seriously??? Will the pain ever end??? I'm so sick of it!!!
It's not God who's making everything so difficult. It's life, but God is right there beside you. Remind yourself of the footprints poem. I think he allows us to go through difficult times to remind us to rely on him and give us experiences to learn from so that we can pass on what we've learned to others. I just said a prayer for you.
Last night I was praying, really praying, and I just felt so alone... I felt as though there was no one out there, wanting me or thinking or me... Today, when I woke up, my dog was curled up beside me. She didn't leave my side all night. She is the only one that really cares for me. I thank God for her!!!
Misskitty: why are you triggered??? Feel free to PM me, maybe I could help...
I can't talk about what brought me here, but I'm a about three and a half months SI free and really trying to stay that way, but I don't feel like I have the strength to fight it anymore. I've reached out to the only person I can talk to, but she isn't available. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, I just don't know what else to do.
First off, congrats on being three 1/2 months free!!! That's great!!!
I'm sorry you are feeling so alone right now... Even though you can't talk about what brought you here, you can still pray about it. God is always listening and you can reach out to Him. As UnForgotten said:
He is always there in the midst of our loneliness, he's there in our pain, in our fear, and he's even there in our doubts.
Perhaps you are asking for prayer, and you just don't know how to come out and say it... I dunno if that's true or not, but I know I have a hard time coming out and asking for prayer... But I will pray for you.
Thanks mi92186! You're right. I do have a hard time asking for prayer or anything else for myself. I pray for others, but not for me. I just noticed that it was you that left a very similar post two days ago and it was me that responded in prayer for you. What goes around comes around huh?
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
I'm sorry to barge in here, but I have a question...
Do people who kill themselves go to Hell?
My close friend Ian died from an overdose... he regretted it after & he suffered a lot before he passed away...
I just... I'm scared he's suffering still. I want him to be at peace. He deserves it. Surely he can't be punished for suffering so much in life that he felt he had to take his own life???
I've also known others who've taken their lives & the same goes to them too...
& do people who hurt themselves/try to kill themselves go to Hell too?
Well this is a kinda christian centric reply but here it goes
I wrestle with your question about suicide myself sarah. I honestly can't give you a good biblical reply about it. I know that some of the most revered people in the bible (david, Jeremiah, Job, Moses,Elijah, Jonah) wanted to die but i can't tell you what happens to people.
I believe that yes self harm is a sin. We are told "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. " 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV However like every other sin it can and will be forgiven if you ask.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
.gif "thumb")
