how do you get on with your midwife? 27 miles is a long way to a hospital are there no birthing centres or anything else closer! i'm sure your can help you arrange a plan for your birth that you are comfortable with.
i've gotten hooked on desperate midwives (sky 248) a lady on there was on her own and the midwives were so nice and supportive. She didn't want any pain relief at all. Though they said it was her third child and she was an asylum seeker and was used to not having pain relief available.
a doula sounds like something good to look into. :) i'm afraid i can't tell you anything about how long it'll be sore for (1st pregnancy here) but by all accounts it varies from woman to woman. I wish you all the best. :)
kelly erin is a lovely name :) my baby's dad keeps suggesting bad names. He liked "ava rose" for a girl but kicked off when i said it was my mum that suggested ava. :/
mandy i was thinking about asking to have an epi as late as possible, i'm guessing you're suggesting that's not the best idea? mind i'll probably only last 10 minutes in rather than 10 minutes to the end!
ther is a hosp within a mile of wer i live but ther r no doctors it half closed down so that why i have to go 27 miles to the nearest hosp, i get on well with my midwife. yeah i hope so too
oh that's rubbish. i feel for you, it must make it worrying but i'm sure your midwife has encounted all sorts and will be able to set out a plan for you and your baby.
glad you get on with her. i've heard horror stories about not nice midwives. i'll be sad to leave mine if i do decide to move back to my parents before baby is born as it's several hundred miles away, but my midwife's baby is due a month before mine so i'd have a different one anyway. believe me i was glad she clarified that she meant she was pregnant when she told me she had one child that was cooking!
i had a horrible midwife post-natal with chloe and at the start of ella she was there again. was a bit of a blur with ella,. had 6 or 7 different ones within 5hrs i think!
you could look into an independant midwife, with homeopathic and reflexology solutions for pain management, a lot of independant midwives know the reflexology points to use, and you can get a homepathic practitioner there as well for natural pain relief.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
you can. ooh i got this months pregnancy and birth and they had an article mentioning that. i'm too tired and coldy to type it up now but i'll try to do it later. i'm a wee bit hooked on that magazine. i read it all today.
ARGH I typed half the article and the stupid page freaked out. back to the beginning! and yes, the magazine is great :) i'm sure the US do a similar one.
Don't agree with your midwife? She's there to support you, but if you don't see eye to eye, there are ways to save the relationship
When it comes to planning your birth, you'll be thinking about where to have your baby, who you want with you and how you'll ease the pain. You midwife is there to help make the experience easier and, in theory, she's on your side. "She should give you all the information you need to make your own informed decision," says Denise Linay, from the Royal College of Midwives - but what happens if you find you don't agree?
While midwives are meant to be impartial, it can sometimes feel like your has a different philosophy on birth to you. "I wanted an elective c-section for Elliott's birth," says Rhiannon, 10, from Brighton, who's mum to 6-month old Elliott and George, five. "I could tell my midwife disapproved, and i felt awkward but I stood my ground. I explained how traumatic my first birth had been and, as it became clear that both my husband and I had thought it through, she supported my decision. After the birth - a much happier experience than my first - she admitted than an elective caesarean had been right for me."
MAKE A CONNECTION
The midwife you're assigned will depend on where you live, but there are things you can do to increase the chances on having one you get on with. Talk to your GP early in your pregnancy to find out what services are like in your area - some women are assigned to a midwifery team, while others will see the same midwife the whole time.
Also, depending on staffing levels, you might see a community midwife or go to hospital for your antenatal checks - in some areas, you can choose. "Generally, it's community midwives who deal with home births," says Denise. So if you think this option might be for you, flag it up early and ask to be referred to the local team. However, bear in mind that in most cases, the midwife who delivers your baby won't be the one you saw in pregnancy. If this matters to you, think about hiring an independent midwife or going to a private maternity ward. It's costly, but it could give you a batter chance of having the birth you;d like. Similarly, a doula - a woman who's been specially trained to assist and support you during labour - can also help keep your birth plan on track.
"It was my first bith and I knew my husband - although lovely - would be completely useless during labour, so I employed a doula," says Laura, 29, who's mum to Astrid, two. "It worked brilliantly. I got exactly what I needed and didn't feel let down by my husband."
DOES SHE KNOW BEST?
If you've got ideas for your birth plan that don't tally with your miidwife;s, talk it through. Before each appointment, write down the things you want to discuss and spend time reading up on your choices, so you can explain clearly why they're right for you. If you can show you understand the prod and cons, your midwife is more likely to take you seriously. But do also consider that sometimes you won't know best. Your midwife is an expert on pregnancy and birth, so listen to what she has to say, ask questions and take time to reflect. She may have some valid points based on things like hospital protocol and the facilities available. "At first, I really didn't like my midwife - she wasn't the sort of person you;d warm to," admits Michelle, 33, from Norfolk, who's mum to Owen, two. "But she was convinced my birth wouldn't be straightforward and told me to request an elective c-section. The consultant didn't agree, but she turned out to be right - I had an emergency caesarean after a 16-hour labour.
GET SOME SUPPORT
If you have locked horns with your midwife, it might be easier to have a third person present when you try to sort things out. Talk to your partner, a friend or doula about the kind of support you'd like. "Going into labour with twins was just so overwhelming, I couldn't speak, let alone remember what I wanted or make decisions," says Tina, 35, from London, who's mum to Alex and Lauren, one. "My husband's stubbornness and thick skin - which can drive me mad day-to-day - made him my champion. I relied on him to fight my corner. When I was losing blood, they wanted him to leave the theatre, but he just very calmly kept repeating, "She asked me to stay, so I'll stay."
ASK TO BE REFERRED
"If, after discussing your concerns with your midwife, you are still unhappy, talk to the community midwifery manager or contact the head of midwifery," says Denise. "She may be able to reassign you to another midwife who's more sympathetic to your choices." Mother-of-four Nyree, 40, from London, herself an independent midwife, says, "Our agency midwife insisted on continuous monitoring during my labour, and she wouldn't compromise. If we had discussed it beforehand, I would've let my husband know that we had the right to ask for a different midwife, but by then I was powerless to speak. So when we had our next child, we agreed that 'I want my blue nightie' was code for 'Go and get me another midwife.'"
If a medical reason is being cited as to why you can't have the birth of your choice, ask to be referred to a consultant obstetrician. But if you exhaust all diplomatic attempts to resolve your concerns, you may want to consider an official complaint. "Every NHS Trust will have a procedure you can follow," says Denise. "Call the Trust or look on it's website for details."
STAY FIRM BUT FLEXIBLE
If you disagree with your midwife during labour, remember it's your body and your baby. If there are complications, do listen to her, but at other times listen to your insticts, too, as they'll often be right. "I wanted to push 90 minutes into my labour," says Emma, 35, from London, who's mum to Sam, five, and Josie, two. "The midwife said in a really patronising voice: 'My dear, this is your first baby. Just settle down, it'll be hours yet.' She wouldn't even do an internal exam to check.
"I thought: 'Oh my God, if this is just the beginning, I'm in big trouble,' and asked for pethidine. Sam arrived 10 minutes later. I should've trusted my body but she spoke with such authority, I stopped listening to my instincts. I took pethidine dangerously close to delivery, which could have compromised Sam's breathing. Thankfully, he was OK, but I struggled to establish breastfeeding for 24 hours. Her arrogance evaporated and she mumbled something about how I really knew my body and should consider a home birth next time. I did - at least she was right about that."
The nature of birth means it may not follow the plan exactly, but any experience that ends with a healthy baby and mum is a successful one.
This article was in Pregnancy and Birth issue November 2010 available in the UK. Bear in mind that some things will be different for the US and other countries but I still think it's a good article, it brought a lot to light for me. hope it helps someone.
fran xx
p.s. sorry for any typos but it is a long article and i am a rubbish typer!
thanks for typing that up fran, was an interesting read.
i don't know how i'll ever do my course to get onto the midwifery degree i want to do. the course is open university (at home) for 8 months, but despite hubby working 30hrs a week we're not entitled to any help with childcare from tax credits, but if he did 16hrs and i did 16hrs then we would.... stupid???
have got to hope that either the course isn't full time (it doesn't say) and i can get it done round the kids or it is full time meaning i would get a childcare grant to help out with costs.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
very stupid. have you looked into other student loans/grants? i don't know how they work with the OU. I know a lot of courses at my uni did have the option of full or part time (but part time does mean it take twice as long to complete) but again that was in humanities, i'm not sure how the midwifery courses worked. my brother's girlfriend is doing a midwifery course but as she doesn't like blood or anything else i dunno how she's gonna cope.
and yes, it is rediculous how that works (the hours thing) it should be per household not per person. how is it that a single mum working however many hours earning however much will be penalised more than a couple working the equal number of hours to said single mum? gah. mind you, if it worked like that i'd be ****ed when moving back to my parents!
and the magazine is only £2.80 so hardly budget breaking. last month it came with a pregnancy and labour book, this month it came with a baby naming book, which my mum stole, and a bunch of babies R us vouchers. and this month under features and real life it had a daddy special, "have a 'good enough' pregnancy", "you're pregnant - 38 weeks pregnant", "your pregnancy symptoms handbook", "nine month notebook", "A shot at life - p&b goes to cameroon to see how pregnant women cope", "the kindest cut? 3 mums on their different c-section experiences", "overcome your birth fears and have a more positive labour". and then loads of other stuff. :) oh and they have a sister magazine called mother and baby, but i dunno what that is like.
oh, yes, and my first cardigan is going well. currently knitting sleave one and i'm not hoping it only has one arm! haha. and i've got my 20 week scan on monday. eii. dunno if the dad will be there. he's gone to get pissed in another city all weekend so i'm not holding my breath. but i don't care if he's not there. i will be and so will mr/mrs wiggley!
Just been reading some posts, and in terms of pain relief, I used gas and air and was wanting a water birth. I ended up not having the water birth as I had the morphine injection because my back was in complete agonny. I was almost put on the morphine drip but by the time they went to do that, I was ready to push so it was too late.
Faith is doing really well. Growing up fast too fast! She's teething just now so some days are worse than others. I'm back at uni 2 days a week and I hate leaving her!
i've had gas and air and epidural, as far as first expeirences, i didn't need the epidural - found out afterwards that i was fully dilated and had they examined me (or waited 10mins) i would have been pushing. So i know it's possible to fully dilate on just gas and air.
2nd time i felt the burn of crowning - the worst part of it! if I had been sat up or in a suitable birthing position (instead of laid flat - not even a pillow - because the staff forgot to sit me up and i was in too much pain to tell) then it wouldn't have taken 15mins to crown.
make a list of hand signals with your partner coz if it comes to it through the screaming oyu may not be able to tell them/ask them things.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
yeah i think i will go with gas and air and see how i do and if its no good i will have to go for a epidural but we will c in 3 months time its scary to think that.
i have heard that wen the baby is crowning is the sores bit because its that burning pain :| not looking froward to that.
i trying not too but sum how i keep think the worse and the closer it gets to my due date i keep think my baby will come early, i looking forward to have my son or daughter here but its the birth and hows its going to go if everything will b ok and just worrie about everything and anything
maybe you could look at this link on hypnobirthing and see if that would be something you'd be interested in or if it could help you and your anxieties.
i'm interested in going to the classes near me but unfortunately i'm moving across the country so i can't go to one proper course. but i'm thinking of looking up for some books about it on amazon.
give me a couple of weeks and i'm going to be a big stresshead so remind me of this then!
at the end of the day hun, you're baby will; be born - like it or not...
so try and not worry about it because even if you worry and it stalls your labour... it's still gonna happen!
when it comes to crowning, even if its too sore to push you can't do anything but scream - the contractions will gradually push and your body will either stretch or tear - one way or another whether oyu can help or not baby will come out. I actually think had i been able to push i would have tore badly coz chloe was 7.1 and epidural in place i pushed and had a huge tear, with ella she crowned for 15mins and i got away with a tiny tear and no stitches, if nature does it's job and pushed the baby out - the midwife will help ease the head out where possible and your body can do it!
if you're composed enough gas and air will help - but i honestly don't know how women can deliver with the stuff coz i couldn't get my breath enough to get deep enough breaths of it.
main thing i would say is your body can do this and if it comes to it and it hurts hugely etc... it's right at the end of it all and it will be over soon and once your baby is born you will forget all about it. even if oyu require stitches is 10days of occasional discomfort, and you can help yourself by peeing in the shower or pouring water on yourself, drinking loads to dilure pee etc, and by sitting on cushions so you don't strain so much to stand up.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
