There is a difference between discussing sex in relationships, and flirting-flaunting.
I think chat here at RYL is not the place for flirting, flaunting or talking about conquests.
Sex is part of life. Serious discussions about it aren't wrong. That includes discussions about pregnancy and having children. Many of us have been sexually abused, and talking about that helps us get and give support. It can give us perspective and a different view of things.
My point of view is just that, a point of view, an opinion or a preference. I don't expect others to live their lives the same way. I hope we can all be open to each other's opinions for the sake of helping and supporting each other.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Serious chat is not the place, I agree, no chat is appropriate for the convosation that took place tonight from hat I can gather, however, general chat is just that. I don't think all sex talk should be banned unless it refers to someone cutting themself or being depressed. General chat is for just that...general, and if I wish to talk to a friend about what I got up to that night, even if it involes hooking up with someone, why should I not be allowed?
I think it is pretty much agreed throughout that some sex chat when pertaining to abuse and subjects that people need to discuss are appropriate in serious chat. I have seen people though who think discussing how their gf won't give them a bj is serious. Maybe it's a issue for them, but I believe that needs to be talked about in whisper. I know that isn't what was talked about tonight, but I think that the reason there is a no sex talk rule, is because people interpret what is serious differently and that can pose a problem.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
User_Name: I believe the reason it shouldn't be allowed is because it can make others uncomfortable. This is a site for a specific issue and even though general chat is allowed and you don't have to just talk about cutting or ED's or depression, there has to be a line drawn somewhere on general chat. Minors do come on this site. If you need to tell your friend about your recent hookup, then whisper them, or go on some type of messenger.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
Maybe I'm wrong in this, but the way I view forums and chat are two completely different things as far as the purpose of this site goes. The forums, beyond playful general threads, is for finding help and acceptance from those with like minds and issues. It's a place to express what you need to get off your chest and seek help for whatever may be troubling you.
When it comes to chat, beyond support chats which for the most part I would just consider a live action support forum, it's more a place to relax, connect, and converse. It's a place to hang out and talk about anything with people you've made connections with over the site. Within this, some times people don't like to be controled as if they were children, or have to submit to childish random topics which may take place in fun and distractions or general chat. Some people want to actually talk to other people about things that are on their mind at the moment. Some people want to talk and be treated as if they were adults.
I don't know, maybe my philosophy on chat is wrong, and I feel like I've hijacked this thread too much already, but I see a big distinction between the purpose of a support community for vulnerable people and a general based chat from from that community.
I do understand what you are saying believe me. And the majority of the time the sex talk is general, it isnt specific. In regards to whispering, there may be more than one person that is involved in the convosation. Personally, and know many will disagree, I think it should be allowed with a line drawn on it. Not to explicit, which believe me I know I can be, and I have warnings for, but I am an adult, and the people i am talking to the majority of the time are adults, and if not, i make sure there is no one too young in the room. I don;t think I am explaining myself too well, I have been out drinking... let me try and say this again.
There are 4 rooms. One of them is completley general, I don't see why, a little bit of sexual chat should not be allowed, nothing explicit, if someone doesn't like it they can either say, and hopefully people will stop, or move to one of the other 3 rooms avaliable. Its not like you have to stay in one room. Also, it *is* an everyday part of most peoples lives, it is something that some people have to talk about occasionally just to get answers about certain questions without those being a part of SI. I don't currently self harm and I am not depressed, does that mean I shouldn't be on this site even though thats what it is all about?
I do agree with a lot of what you guys are saying. It would be fine with me if people could draw the lines and not get too explicit, cause not all sexual talk bothers me. I can deal with it. The problem I find is, give people a little freedom and they abuse it. Really, what I see that the mods are trying to do is, be a lax as possible on the rules and hope people know when to say when. I think that if when someone steps up and says, "hey this is going to far, could you try and pull it back" and then people should respect that. I hope that makes sense
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
The reason it's not currently supose to be allowed is because all the rooms are treated as if everyone in there fits to the lowest common mold of being underage and at all times vulnerable to anything beyond childish random discussion. And while I understand the concern and accept anyone who fits those qualifications, I don't believe most the users of chat do fit it. I find this to be a problem that has yet to be fixed, and until it is, people will keep on discussing what they feel is normal to be discussing while they are actually breaking the rules, and people who dislike it will continually be exposed.
I just want to say that even while I'm in disagreement with Forever-Broken, I respect her for voicing her concerns. I too think it is a problem within the current system, I just think it should be delt with differently than reporting/banning otherwise useful and regular members.
I don't want anyone to get banned but if it isn't reported, then I don't think it will get dealt with. Cause as of now, mods arent' doing much of anything that I can see.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
I would suggest using the report feature when you feel it's needed, right now it is the only current solution. I suggested my way in the other topic, which I would like to see something done about, but until then use what you got; I just think its fundamentally flawed way of handling it overall.
Unfortunately this whole site is flawed. The way people use the whole *cuddle* *snuggle* and whatever else thing, makes me feel like I'm in elementary school. I also think that this site is very helpful, but at the same time can be very hurtful. It can enable people to only come here to seek support and further isolate themselves from the real world were they can get more help.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
And the mods do do something about it, you just may not see it. Like i said, I have had warnings about things I didn;t think I would. As in...the mods have listened to a post report and done something about it.
Well, obviously just giving someone a warning doesn't do anything anymore, because people still break the same rules. The same people break the same rules. So they are going to have to do something more than just give you a warning. I don't know what else they could do, but they need to figure something else out. I mean, it's funny to me how this rule seems to be the one broke the most. I think if someone were to go in there and break another one of the rules that offended someone, like talking about cutting methods, then they would probably get in more trouble than what people are getting in for breaking the sex talk rule. Cause I"ve seen that happen. There is no consistency with anything to do with rules on this site.
I've gone around everywhere.
I've searched around everywhere.
I've turned around everywhere.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
The chat mods can really only act if they have a chat log to back up what happened. They can issue infractions, and even ban people if necessary.
Part of the problem with chat is that unless a chat mod is in there, nothing can be done instantaneously.
So yeah, the best thing to do is send in the chat logs to the chat mods. I know it's not a great solution, but it's what is in place right now.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Okay.. bear with me here. A few posts were skimmed, so if I repeat what others have said, I apologize.
As has been stated, you cannot keep chat safe the same way as the forums. When someone says something triggering, we cannot go and edit it out of the chat window the way a forum mod could edit a post - so the damage is there unless the conversation moves on. That may not be perfect, but that's the way it works.
From what I have seen, the chat convo in question has nothing, absolutely nothing in common with your suggestion of a 'free' room, Colin - I appreciate where you're coming from, and you make valid points, but mature, open discussion is really not what I'd term this, and it's not what sparked this thread, it seems. [Though I may add, your thread and your thoughts haven't been forgotten about.]
I just wonder how we are supposed to penalize rule breaks, then? The current RYL system is actually very fair in my opinion. A warning for a first offence, infraction points if it happens again, and bans if enough points are accumulated. It's not just "Oh, member xy is out of line again, I'll send them their 5th warning and hope they listen this time." [Or, if you meant the "warn"-thing in chat, that's not the extent of how members are punished for rule breaks!]
Maybe part of this frustration stems from the fact that whatever punishments are handed out are not discussed in public. That wouldn't be fair on anyone, as it's between the mods and the member in question.
We are aware of the fact that there have been problems with mod presence in chat, and the way things are handled - and we have been and are still working on it. Suggestions are welcome, and your view has been taken on board, xXForever_BrokenXx. As others have said - chat logs are our friends. We can't hand out punishments based on what may be random accusations, and it's awesome when members help us out with sending in logs of what happened.
Face your life
Its pain, its pleasure
Leave no path untaken
Just to add to what Rike said there. If you report a member with a log... action is taken. You may not know about it however because we keep all official warnings and infraction points confidential. However if the member continues to display the same behaviour in chat... Keep reporting. Because the more logs we have, the more points we can give and the more likely they will earn themselves a ban from RYL and all it's services.
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
I totaly agree with what everyone is say in regards of this thread. but chat is no always like that xxforeverbrokenxx like Heidi Tiger said not all of us are like that hunny.
I think I came in at the tail end of what was happening last night, and I was sent logs from three wonderful people, posted them on the Chat Mod boards, and they will be dealt with by the chat mod team. Logs are so important. So, if there is trouble and a mod isn't around, log what happens.
If what people are saying are upsetting you, then there is the Ignore button.
There is very little that can be done without log evidence. But every log is read and taken on board.
