Just reiterating (sp?) a point Irene made, we were all new once, maybe not for a long time, maybe just a couple of weeks ago but we, as in the people who use chat, all interact fine now, made friends etc. It took a while but it happens, and I become friends with more and more people on chat everyday. I have a hard time keeping up with names, so more often than not I don't :p But bascially, how they "broke in to the chat circle" was to keep coming in, throwing the odd joke around, make themselves involved in convosation, ask for and give out help etc...
It takes a bit of time and effort, but I for one would say it is worth it. I have made some great friends from it.
i try and say hey to everyone.. its hard though when everyone comes into a room then leaves again and you cant keep traack of whos were, sometimes i say hi and ig et ignored.. sometimes i get ignored when i ask a question. its jut the way chat is, everything is moving and everyone is talkikng together, its hrd t kep up with everything.. i havent been here for long. only a few months and i havent really gotten to know anyone through the forums.. i send most of my time in chat
smile, your beautiful
if someone hates you, be proud that youve done something worthwhile enough for them to disaprove of
Irene always makes good points. Another great way to get into conversation. Is to greet the next few people who come in.... most will say hi back and then you can ask how are you etc and you have a conversation with someone who came into the room after you. This conversation then might spread out to everyone in the room.
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
All that aside, chat moves very fast at times, people can be feeling bad (yes, regulars have lots of bad days too - it's not just you). Eyes gloss over everything bar the conversation we are in, and frequently people are just looking away from the screen - at a given time there might just be two or three people whose eyes actually see your "hello" fly past, one might be shy, one might be in tears and the other might be new and unsure too.
It's not just me? Of course it's not just me who has a bad day! I understand everybody had their days weather they're new to the site or old on the site. It doesn't matter what time a person joined this site they should be welcomed in the same way as everybody else.
I'm not aiming this at you, Morrigan
"with no attempt at participation in other conversations won't make people feel inclined to interact with you"
Now this is what I am pointing out, I have attempted to participate.
I'm not just talking about myself here. I'm not feeling welcome, and tips for making myself or others feel welcome are all very well and nice of you all. But maybe there's something we can do as a community to stop new members coming on and feeling the same about this site. I am not just talking about myself, I'm just trying to get this across. Other people have replied to this thread with some same views as mine and I'm sure there are more people around feeling the same.
So I guess I'm going to get the same replies to that. But I don't like the way some people have replied, suggesting I have not tried hard enough to have a greater place in this community. I am not talking of just myself in this thread.
The thing is this type of thread comes up ALL the time and there is only so much you can yeah you can encourage older members to be more welcoming and encourage new members to get more involved but you can't force them to. You take a horse to water but you can't make it drink kindof thing. So I don't see what much can be done other than encouraging both those sets of people more...
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
It gets kind of tiring seeing people complain about feeling excluded when they never put themselves out there for people to actually include them, there's no magic solution. Talk more, people will get to know you and you'll become one of the elusive 'regulars' Everyone was new here once.
It gets kind of tiring seeing people complain about feeling excluded when they never put themselves out there for people to actually include them, there's no magic solution. Talk more, people will get to know you and you'll become one of the elusive 'regulars' Everyone was new here once.
This is EXACTLY what I'm trying to say. I am not complaining about that fact I am feeling excluded.
Why do you have to be a 'regular' to be spoken to, or to receive replies on a thread when you're in need of help. You shouldn't have to be a well known person on the site.
See, if I was to make a post in serious now I think I'd not get taken as seriously s I would do if my join day was June 2006 or something. Or even if i did on my account which I did join a while ago on I still feel it wouldn't be taken as seriously because I'm not a valued member. I do not offer support so publicly but I will occasionally send a private message to somebody if I've read their thread and nobody has replied. I am back on my other account now as I have the password but I will continue to post on this account(on this thread). Or I guess because I have two account this one will be deleted or whatever you do to it..
^ I don't think that's particularly true, especially of serious. There may be more support if you were a more well-known member, but you wouldn't get no replies at all. In terms of support, I think it's much easier to support people that you know better, that you know the background of.
What you are talking about now is just basic human nature. It's completely natural - indeed beneficial - to work in cliques, to become closer to those you know, as Irene (I think?) said.
Communication is a two-way process, and I think it's unrealistic to expect people to talk to you - meaning generally, not individually - if you aren't talking to them much.
But, I am sorry that you are feeling like this. Can you think of any suggestions as to try to help this situation improve?
I've done a few support replies tonight and as far as I know - not one of them has been to someone I know.
The most I'm likely to do on a thread made by someone I know is to tell them that they know where I am, because I'll have their email/msn/phone number/w.e so I wouldn't need to make a massive long post. If anything, I reply to people I don't know more than I do.
There's a member from Chat (I won't say their name) who always said just a "Hi" to anyone coming in. We got talking, because I saw them around a lot. I know them really well now, but getting to know people is 50/50. A conversation is a two way thing. Be seen in Chat more, join in in current conversations, when you need support, ask for it clearly without text speak, several times if you need to.
I'm not trying to be funny, but this will end up going around in circles because people are going to make groups of friends, that's life. I, for one, try to not be cliquey and I'll talk to anybody, so generalising everyone really gets to me and mm.
Edit: I also agree with all the posters (quoting would be effort!) saying that we've all been new once. I felt the same when I first joined, but I can be a stubborn little whatsit and I kept coming into Chat and just talking. It can be scary, but it's not like you're walking into a room of people literally. We're all survivors of something, we've all got our reasons for being here and you'll feel part of our family soon enough when you get into the swing of things :)
Is this what RYL has come to?
Just constant threads complaining?
No one, or nothing, is perfect. It's life. Nothing is going to run to anyones standards.
Ive avoided replying to these threads recently, because personally I dont see much point....I dont feel as if these threads really contribute anything but a place for people to complain about RYL. But now I do feel the need to say something,its late so I may ramble a little,forgiveness please :P
RYL is never going to be perfect, in fact it can probably only please around 60/70% of the members at its highest. It seems fruitless to me,to complain about RYL and not have any suggestions about what to change. And we are all responsible for how this site runs, staff/members everyone. RYLs community exists because of the members we have, all of us shape the way RYL goes.
I see a lot of what happens being blamed on staff and I can see why, we are the forefront for how things go on RYL, but its the responsibility of everyone to keep RYL the safe, non-judgemental community its supposed to be. Yes there have been a lot of problems lately and there are still lots of problems that exist now, but with an every changing website of course there will always be flaws.
I remember when I first joined this site, people ive met over the years on here and the core still remains the same. Id like to think most of us are here to be part of this community. No one is ever going to get along with everyone, there always will be groups of people and there will always be disagreements etc
I have especially seen an increase in complaints about chat and to me it can be very frustrating, when people arent using the tools that are there to make chat better for them. If you dont like what someone is saying report them or put them on ignore. If you feel ignored, speak out. The only person who controls your visibility on here is YOU. Sure other members may not aknowledge you, but thats human. I know sometimes I sit in chat and dont say anything, I just need to read something or know there are people around.
Sometimes there isnt the support needed in chat, there are days when everyone in the room is in need of support of cant deal with other people needing support, if this is the case, use the tools available to you. Write a rant thread, or a thread for support....ok its not the same thing, but its something YOU can do. YOU control your experience on this site, if someone is being rude to you, dont rise to it, report it.
I understand that there is a lot of discontent around at the moment and sometimes it makes me feel that I dont even want to log on. When I read about how people think myself and the rest of the mods are doing a bad job, it makes me wonder if Im wasting me time sometimes. But this site has helped me, much more than I think Id admit to myself. But its only within the last year or so that I stopped being invisible and decided to start showing myself and my time here has improved so much.
So please....think about what you can do, yourself, to help this site and to help everyone on it. Theres a lot of vunerable people on here and we all have to deal with things in our lives and RYL can be that safe place for a lot of people.
I hope that made sense, kind of poured my heart out a little lol!
(P.S. I think everyone on here is a vital part of RYL and Im grateful for all of you!)xxx
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I think threads like this shouldn't be made if they don't come with some forum of constructive critisum(sp?) that will end up helping instead of getting people bitching about things that they can control and change.
Dont take this the wrong way but, what is this? Attack chat regulars month?
Chat moves very fast, and yes, people get missed when saying hello. So as people have said, join in in coversations. How do you think people get known in the first place? It's not by sitting on the list and reading everything.
Ive found a lot of people use the excuse that they are shy, have social anxiety, or whatever. Everyone man and his dog have this, its old.
Basically what im saying is, everyone started off right where you are. Then they got over themselves and talked to people, joined in in conversations, Chatted to people, sent some pms. that kind of thing.
Dont take this the wrong way but, what is this? Attack chat regulars month?
Chat moves very fast, and yes, people get missed when saying hello. So as people have said, join in in coversations. How do you think people get known in the first place? It's not by sitting on the list and reading everything.
Ive found a lot of people use the excuse that they are shy, have social anxiety, or whatever. Everyone man and his dog have this, its old.
Basically what im saying is, everyone started off right where you are. Then they got over themselves and talked to people, joined in in conversations, Chatted to people, sent some pms. that kind of thing.
QFT. You can't complain that everyone ignores you if you don't do anything to make people notice you.
Dont take this the wrong way but, what is this? Attack chat regulars month?
Chat moves very fast, and yes, people get missed when saying hello. So as people have said, join in in coversations. How do you think people get known in the first place? It's not by sitting on the list and reading everything.
Ive found a lot of people use the excuse that they are shy, have social anxiety, or whatever. Everyone man and his dog have this, its old.
Basically what im saying is, everyone started off right where you are. Then they got over themselves and talked to people, joined in in conversations, Chatted to people, sent some pms. that kind of thing.
Dont take this the wrong way but, what is this? Attack chat regulars month?
Chat moves very fast, and yes, people get missed when saying hello. So as people have said, join in in coversations. How do you think people get known in the first place? It's not by sitting on the list and reading everything.
Ive found a lot of people use the excuse that they are shy, have social anxiety, or whatever. Everyone man and his dog have this, its old.
Basically what im saying is, everyone started off right where you are. Then they got over themselves and talked to people, joined in in conversations, Chatted to people, sent some pms. that kind of thing.
To be fair I don't care if I don't get greeter (before you start I know you greet me if I greet you), but it's when I ask for support and EVERYONE ignores me... It's not even like they say they can't support at the minute. I have known people call me a drama queen because after asking for support a few times I got moody and upset because I got ignored... So yea it's not the greeting that bothers me its the not supporting in a support room. (I was in room three last time and got ignored at least twice)
Oh and I do talk and get ignored so I dont bother chatting in chat I tend to have private chats instead now.
