Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - I give up.

[Popple]

You are kidding right...
Its important I follow this plan now because it's what I promised myself all those years ago and it's the one thing I need to do for myself and I know it is selfish and wrong but I just don't care because I am so tired or hurting and being hurt by everyone.
Its not in the past, its very much in the present.
If I could just leave everything in the past and move on I would have done it a long time ago but I can't becase its too real not helped by everything thats happening now.
He is here constantly and I can't get rid of them, I try to ignore him but I can't. I managed for years to just bury all this and now I made the stupid mistake of talking and telling someone about these things and its all coming back.
They keep saying things will get worse before they get better but I don't see them ever getting any better and I can't cope with things as they are now nevermind if they get any worse..if they even can..
Im alive but barely, I don't live because I can't I am too scared of everything. I am most definately not pretty I am fat and ugly and disgusting.
Im not even clever anymore..I am failing for the first time ever, I used to work without even trying and now I can barely write my own name some days.
I can't move on from this..Its too late
I am tired of people telling me what I believe is wrong when it's all I know
And I don't know how to think any different.
I can't just believe what people say
So yeah you all must hate me because I am obviously just an akward ungrateful little bitch.
10 days..16 days?

[squirrelspit]

how can you say its too late when in terms of years, youve barely lived.

its never too late.

[Popple]

I know in years I am only 18 well almost..
And it sounds ridiculous but it feels so much longer
because I am tired of being hurt by everyone..and what feels worse is when I get my hopes up and think theres actually a chance of things being ok and they it all goes away like that. First lou died..then the baby..
and all the other little things in between.
I am tired of being scared..I am tired of spending most the day having panic attacks and urgh...I can't even say..
I am tired of having to pretend everythings ok.
If only hadn't been so stupid and told her about all those things then maybe it would be different.
He was right this is what happens when I break the rules

[Popple]

I am going to ask for this thread to be locked now..I don't want to watse any more of anyones time but I just wanted to make sure before I do I said thankyou to all of you, your all amazing and I can't thankyou enough for just being nice to me..even if I don't understand why.
Thankyou <3

[Dreaming.]

Thread locked on thread-starters request.

However, please remember that everybody deserves support, and people don't help others unless they want to - so it's not a matter of wasting anybody's time.

Please take care.