Thank-you for the idea. I am listening to music, soft soothing stuff, but the urge/trigger is still there... Maybe I am hopeless??? Have you ever felt that way? I want to think that I am not alone when it comes to these really strong urges/triggers, but this the worst one I have EVER had. I know all to well that I should leave the cuts/scars alone but they were so deep and I know it would not take much at all to make them bleed really bad... Ggrr... I want to call someone but I have no one to call, everyone is either asleep or away... I am so scared of myself...
~Nikki~
"Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"Don't judge me by the scars on my arms, instead help me to throw away the blade"
I am fighting really hard.... I don't know what brought this on or what made it so strong... I picked the scab though, it is not bleeding but it is open... It made me feel like I gotta throw up... What is wrong with me??? I know better then this, I really do... Oh my... Good grief... Oh god...
Thank-you so much for helping me...I know u probably feel a little helpless as u are probably a million miles away.. But if it wasn't for you talking to me right now I would have already cut them open again.
~Nikki~
"Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"Don't judge me by the scars on my arms, instead help me to throw away the blade"
I'm trying I really am...It's just so fu*kin hard... I know that this cut is open again, I know that it could get infected... But I also know where my razor blades are, and it's scaring me... I wish my BF was here right now, but he can't be here...he has to work... I feel so helpless and this hurts so bad... It is throbbing now.. ggrrr... I am fighting, I am I am I am...
~Nikki~
"Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"Don't judge me by the scars on my arms, instead help me to throw away the blade"
All we have is a cell phone and my BF has it... As I said my only friend is sleeping and I don't trust him when it comes to my SI... I wouldn't be so worried about the urges/triggers if they weren't so strong but I know that if I give in I could be in a lot of **** because my deeper cuts aren't even done healing yet (and one is open now..picking )... I hate this, I really do, it's like I am addicted to a drug or something...
~Nikki~
"Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"Don't judge me by the scars on my arms, instead help me to throw away the blade"
I really think that you should go get your cuts looked at... and at the same time you could tell someone how you are feeling at the moment
if nothing else your cuts will be dressed and you may get bumped up sort of thing for getting help and they'll realise just how much you are struggleing and ho hard you are having to fight
oh... erm... well I guess you'll have to go once you are able to do so
can you check to make sure that someone will be willing to give you a lift or whatever? don't have to tell them why, could make something up if it's easier
I can't do that because everyone knows that I cut. And they know that the only way I would go to the hospital is if I cut to deep or re-opened one... Everyone would be so mad at me...
"Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
"Don't judge me by the scars on my arms, instead help me to throw away the blade"
I am so scared of myself...
