Triggering (Suicide) - Emergency assessment - nervous *Updated* msg 25

[Wellingtons]

Hye becca,

That's pretty ****ty, but I just wanted to say I've been where you are SO many times - and I've come through, found a new team in a new area who are amazing, and things are so so much better. But for 3 years I just had nothing except A&E when stuff was bad. It won't necessarily always be like this, you never know what the future might bring, so don't give up too early yeah :)

*hugs*

[Tig]

Hey Becca,

I'm actually going to echo what Daffodil said, which may be a surprise! For two years when I had the CPN as you, I didn't have any support from CMHT. The only support I was getting was A&E and it was pretty flimsy really, especially as A&E and the police kept sectioning me and putting me on the ward. It was a chaotic mess and I know it has been the same for many other clients.
Then I met my new CPN and things changed. Other members of CMHT listened to me and stopped viewing me as a 'time waster' and actually took me seriously when I rung up - well most the time!
I'm lucky because I can do DBT but I doubt I would be doing DBT if I'd had previous CPN because he is just so rubbish with everybody.
Can you ask for a change of CPN? I remember that they mentioned something a while ago? Could you chase it up? I know it's the last thing you want to be doing when you are feeling so awful but a decent CPN with a good understanding of the practical issues you face would probably really help your situation.
I know it's unlikely that your practical difficulties would improve but I do think there is hope for you in regards to your mental health. You are a strong person even though you may not feel like it, you have to be strong to put up with CPN!!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that at your next CPA, they are a little more useful. I definitely recommend getting advocacy, even if they are intertwined with CMHT which is ridiculous, I think it's worth it.

xx

[Becca]

I saw the head CPN today. My care until my regular one comes back is now being split between head cpn and a psychiatrist. They are ademant I need weekly care and support. Oddly it appears to have come from a dr who had called me a drunken time waster when I was in A&E a few months back. He is 'really' concerned.

Today was confusing. More so than usual really. I mentioned stuff I hadn't mentioned before about animals talking to me - I tried to months ago with cpn but I think he misunderstood. Anyway we talked about that and 'Them' but not who they are or what they are doing to me. He kept asking why I wasn't on antipsychotics - I got really annoyed in the end and said how the hell should I know? That's your job not mine.

He mentioned me being alone so much of the time as being a problem cos my company is basically Ariel, and the lovely xTinkerbelle and Steel_maiden on here who let me txt them. I do see others occaisonally but not much. They don't understand it is hard to get out. He said about 'always' seeing me walking, which is me walking one way from somewhere and essential shopping usually. Yet again with DBT and MIND.

He also said I need to make my GP get me more treatments/physical support. I said about CPN telling people I can do more than I can stopping that - as this person is his manager he will be asking about that some more.

I don't know. I'm scared and frightened. He kept asking me about my 'hullucinations' but I honestly don't think they are. He said they must be cos they don't stay dead when I kill them but that's just cos they aren't human, like Ariel isn't. Then more about antipsychotics.

He also said something about my childhood not being traumatic enough for these problems. So does that mean he thinks I'm lying?????

*I'm scared they seem to be helping me whilst cpn is away*

I'm so pathetic.

I don't know when my next cpa will be. I have an emergency appointment with the consultant start february - the person today was really shocked it was so soon.

I don't think he thinks you're lying. I think he probably made the sweeping statement of someone with your emotional/mental issues would usually have had a traumatic childhood, which means to him there is underlying issues as to why you're suffering like you are if in retrospect your childhood was relatively fine.
If that makes sense.

I dearly hope this is the help you have waited for for so long. You deserve to get better. x

[Stellata]

Being rejected is one of the deepest most painful traumas we as human beings can endure.

[Steel Maiden]

*HUGS* you know you can txt me whenever you want.

Those doctors are complete idiots to ask you what your treatment plan should be. They're the doctors!