Whilst I am not advocating that anyone be forced to 'come out' about their SH to their families, I (personally) find the "funny" excuses for cutting to be trivializing and not at all amusing. I use humour as a defence mechanism as much as the next person, but to continuously treat something that has so negatively impacted my life in such a jocular manner, I find fairly difficult to understand. However, I wouldn't ask for a ban on these threads, I just won't be reading them.
"How can I stand here
how can I stand here before you
Take what I have, take these broken remains"
But I'm talking about the non recovered self harmers looking for excuses for their cuts.
o.O I'm one of those people. I have issues with parents but my Mother knows. My grand-parents do not.
RYL is a recovery forum, but if we're going to ban those threads, [sarcasm]why not kick everyone who's not recovered out then?[/sarcasm.]
Someone people just aren't ready, and in the heat of the moment, I would prefer to be prepared if someone I've just met asked. By banning those kinds of threads, it's starting a long road of excluding people who aren't ready to tell them world they SH or aren't recovered.
On my profile, it says I'm not trying to recover. Does that mean I don't deserve to have access to the kinds of things that make life a little easier on a recovery forum because I'm not ready?
I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, I think that people should be allowed to have these marks. But on the other, the majority of society isn't ready for that.
But, even if you were to get help, you'd still want to hide your SI from some people. Even when I wasn't in recovery yet, I was getting help, but not for my SI quite yet.
Pretty much the same.
I don't really read those threads but i vaguely remember some of them just being funny/silly excuses anyway, not something you'd actually use.
Ali xox
With demons dancing off mirror images reflecting all that you wanted.
So far from perfect, onward we will strive.
Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
You're not who you thought you were, it's time to see the other side of what you have become.
Oliva, that is the catch 22. People who aren't recovered can use these excuses and cover up tips to hide their current problem and perpetuate their SI. Thus, enabling them to continue to SI without consequence.
However, people do have the need to hide old scars, so information that hurts other people helps them.
What if all the cover up tips/tricks were moved to the Moving Forward forum instead of SID?
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
By allowing people to share cover up tips and excuses to explain away SI wounds RYL is essentially enabling people. Just like someone who makes excuses for an alcoholic, allowing people to share this information enables them.
It is a very fine line for RYL to walk really, with the way that various countries and police agencies have cracked down on websites seen as encouraging people to hurt themselves. (Pro ED, SI and Suicide sites).
RYL isn't going to force people to recover, but they have to be careful not to enable people so that it's easier for them to SI.
Totally off topic - I've seen Motion City Soundtrack in concert and THEY ROCK! *ahem*
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Sorry that I write this and please don't take it personally.
I really hate the sentence "some aren't ready to stop (yet)" and it makes me f***ing angry because it sounds really arrogant like the ones who haven't stopped yet are too weak or something like that.
Please don't forget that there are members like me who don't want to stop SI.
Yeah, I am pro SI and I'm not ashamed to write this.
Actually, I am veeery open about my SI and finally, I decided that I don't want to stop. Why should I stop just for satisfying others?
But I don't show my scars and wounds because they are something personal- just for me. I cover them all the time and I don't understand why some people prefer to show their scars if that means that they have to lie then?
That's very...strange in a way, isn't it?
I mean, why do you want to show them at all and have to make up some more or less believable stories all the time?
But...live and let live and I'm afraid that stricter rules according SI and becoming a "only recovery board" making some people feeling unwell to post here.
Come on, RYL is a board for people who SI and you cannot force others to be or get ready to stop.
Moreover, this pro recovery message might make others feel even worse if they slip up or relapse because they have "failed".
But...I would give anybody I know personally a hard time if they start to SI because once you start, the addiction rules your life.
So, of course it is better NOT to start but if you did and decide that this is a good thing for you that should be OK, too.
If you know me, I support others as well as I can and I wouldn't say that others should go on with SIing...live and let live...remember?!
But remember that many people need SI, in order to be able to survive...
...and it's better to SI now and then than kill yourself, isn't it?!
Sorry for my rant but I'd have to let it out.
PS: Yeah, I know that I'm the one who started the hide triggering sigs dicussion but that is something completely different in my opinion. They DO trigger like hell and it's unfair to trigger others like that!
(That is only ONE argument against it...in the thread about that, I gave some more.)
PPS: Well, I like the stricter rules in the ED board because this place WAS triggering as hell, too. To be honest, I'm NOT pro ED and I guess that isn't illogical to be PRO SI and ANTI ED because EDs are much, much more dangerous and they leave more than scars.
I hate my ED and I hope to be free from it one day- even if I might still need it now to survive.
But people who won't recover from EDs make me sad because they are destroying their lives and you shouldn't support that...but live and let live.
Last edited by Doesnt_matter : 15-11-2008 at 03:12 AM.
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. (Rent)
I'm selfish, inpatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
I think its ok to have the exuses because not everyone here is ready to tell, or to cover up a slip up so familie dont freak out thinking "oh no shes doing it again" or for people who just plain arent ready for recovery, like me. i was recovered i know the pro-cons of recovery and right now recovery just isnt for me, and i totally agree with the above poster
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain
I believe in true happiness. but at the same time...i look around and dont see it anywhere.
pretences are a way of life. we fake it. to keep each other going.
I think that even for people who aren't getting help, and are using the SI excuses to hide their SI from everyone, it's still not necessarily delaying their recovery in most cases. So what, their parents find out and force them into therapy and they magically recover? Besides that lots of parents wouldn't react like that at all, being forced into therapy doesn't usually help. You have to want to get better for therapy to help -- if you're only there because your parents made you go, chance are you're put in the necessary effort to get anything out of therapy anyway.
And that's only if you're lucky enough to have parents whose reaction is to force you into therapy. What about parents who respond with something like "what a f***ing stupid thing to do to yourself"? That kind of response is pretty damn invalidating... and wait a second, an invalidating environment is one of the risk factors for difficulty with emotional regulation, which in turn is a risk factor for, what to do you know, self harm.
Then there are the parents who respond by taking away their child's "tools," and then either pretending it never even happened, or insisting on checking their child's body regularly for new cuts to try to force them to stop. Well, my mom took away my "tools" after she found out I was cutting, and I just went out and bought new ones. But what about kids who can't just go out and buy new ones? Well, they might turn to whatever else they can find that they can use instead, which a lot of times is going to be less sharp and less clean, and hence make a messier cut with a higher risk of infection and worse scarring. And for the kids whose parents inspect them for new cuts, do you really think that's a good way to "recover" from anything? Maybe it'll stop them from cutting, or maybe it'll just get them in trouble with their parents when they don't stop, but either way, it's definitely not going to address anything about why they were cutting in the first place.
And btw, most excuses or cover-up tips aren't generally going to work with cuts that are severe enough to anywhere close to life-threatening, or to endanger the entire limb. So I don't think the argument that SI can be life-threatening too (like EDs) is really all that relevant.
Emily
(\__/)
(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.
to be honest, the majority of those excuses noone believes anyway!
exactly. i haven't seen the thread in a while but i'm sure most are pretty implausible when you've got some fat cut on your arm/leg/wherever & loads of scars around the same area (i'm assuming!).
Considering the marks can last for years, you could have stopped two years ago but still need a good excuse for what it is, for potential employers etc too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caru y Nos
Surely not having an excuse could cause people to end up more stress and pressured while still in recovery, and then relapse because it continues to affect their lives? Also, in such a case not having the excuses would then cause a vicious circle made difficult to get out of. (Y)
Quote:
Originally Posted by xADAMx
Also, what happens 2/3/5 years down the line when people are free from SI but the scars are still there? You cannot turn up to a job interview with them on show, you would simply be rejected. Suggestions and help on how to cover up the scars in these situations are surely benefitial to people?
I totally agree with this, as somone who has (alot) of faided scars on my arms i found this thread more amusing than useful but at the same time its good to have a couple of things (excuse the metaphor) up your sleve incase somone brings it up.
In the time i have been on RYL i dont think i have ever seen anything pro-self harm, in my opinnion this thread just discusses some of the everyday realities faced by those who self harm, i dont think anything about it is pro or encouraging self harm, its just saying, yea we have scars, and how do we deal with other peoples curiosity when the truth is .. to difficult/ not appropriate ect ect...
those of you who are agenst this thread need to be realistic, RYL is a self harm support website and the 'self harm' part of that means self harm related things will be discussed, and all we can do is ensure threads are properly labled and itsu then up to users to be responcible for their own saftey on the site...
if we over censor (cant think of the right word but you know what i mean) the site people will go elswhere and like somone already said to pro sites which will be alot more harmful.
we will also loose the benifit we have of a very compassioate atmosphere
before i started using the site i felt like a freak i was extremly ashamed of my self harm but ultimatly i was extremly alone, the site has done a great deal to get me to the point im at today, and mostly because of the supportive atmosmhere please lets not loose this
