Triggering (SI) - Do you ever regrett starting SH?

[wigeon]

Yes I do. Then I'd never have to try stopping or whatever.

I think it was always going to happen though. Even before the 'cutting' started I was subconsciously self-harming from about 14/15.

But I wish I'd never started. Because then it wouldn't have progressed and I wouldn't be addicted and maybe I'd have managed to channel my feelings into something more positive or productive. Also, without the scars I'd be without the constant reminders of my uselessness.

[yeadatonegurl]

For me it depends on the day. Some days it is all i can do to calm myself down with. Although most of the time i wish i had never started it. There is just to much negative for me that comes along with it. Plus the whole dealing with it plus whatever i was running from. So it just seems to complicate things. And of course i hate the scars that will for the time being remind me of my flaws.

[mark1408]

yeah sometimes i do, just so it wouldn't of gotten so bad, to not see the pain in the people i love because of it, it not have to hide myself every day.

but if i could change it, i wouldn't, i have become so close with my parents and my friends, sure i would change the depression and the suicidal part, but no i don't wish i hadn't started.

[flying_kiwifruit]

Yes and No. There are parts that come with Self Harm that I regret, like the scars, the friendships I lost, and the trust I lost, but on the flip side of this is the fact that I have become who I am through my self harm. I can understand what other are going through and hopr to use that to help other one day, becuase of my self harm I have a testimony to tell that can really influence people when it come to God.

So when it come sown to it, no I dont regret it.

[Tig]

Yes, I regret starting self harm. It's only now that I want my life back that I realise I regret it, before I didn't. I regret starting self harming because of the scars, how much its hurt everyone, the friendships I have lost and the whole three years wasted in and out of hospital. It's mostly the scars though because these mean I'm unlikely to ever be able to do the job I want to do. I feel like if I'd never started self harming things might not have got so out of control.

Having said all that, I have met some amazing people through being in hospital and I love them to pieces, I wouldn't give them up as friends so maybe that is one silver lining there.

I guess I have to get used to the fact that I did self harm and nothing can change that so I try to focus on the relationships I have made.

x

[everylastbit]

Every single day.

[Misunderstood.]

I used to but not anymore, don't see the point in regret.
Sometimes it's difficult to regret things but like you I'm able to see the good I've got out of things I'd other wise regret.

Looking back in hindsight with regret is an awful headspace to be at.

[Hlessirah]

I regret it every day.
It's as if the scars of what I've done in the past give me an excuse to keep going, and I hate that.

[Netti]

I honestly don't know if I regret it or not. I've told a couple friends but have been left with no support system. What I would really regret is if my family found out because I don't want to hurt them.

[xADAMx]

I'm really not sure. I've never thought about it that much really. There are reasons why I wish I had never started, but I don't know that I regret it.

[fragile as glass]

Right! In the past few days I took part in a thread about undoing everything, the whole package. By that I mean SI/ED/OD/PTSD etc and I said no I would not undo it because I am who I am and where I am now because of it.

BUT I do wish that I hadnt started cutting. I did my first cut in a ED unit when I was a IP there and my keyworker said to me 'now you have started you will never stop'. I mean, how bloody helpful is that!!

And yes I am still doing it and its wrecked my life BUT it has also kept me alive, sane, soothed etc. Do you guys understand? Its like two sides to a coin.

[Netti]

fragile as glass, I understand what you mean I think. SIing is my only release from my emotional pain since I don't have anyone to talk to off of RYL.

[half rainbow]

yes and no. I regret the scars I have. I regret looking at that and realising the pain the past has caused, and that inflicted that pain on myself. But in all honesty, if that wasnt my coping mechanism I dont think I'd be alive...

[snowflake]

I don't know sometimes I do. I regret ever starting because i've become so dependant on SI. I regret lying to friends and family about scars and covering up scars. There are also the scars which i geuss will be there for the rest of my life constantly reminding me about SI.

On the flip side without SI i would never have found this site and met amazing friends through here. I've been SI'ing for a long time now and its helped me cope with things and its almost become a part of me.

[Ingenue]

I regret it. A lot. But i sometimes i don't think i regret it enough. And that's why i find it so hard to stop.
=s

[katie2601]

I absolutely regret it. In my opinion, it's what caused all my other problems.

[starnight]

I regret it. But at the time I didn't even understand what I was doing.

[Siouxsie]

I don't know. It's kept me from doing much worse things (kept me alive really) but I hate the scars so... :/

[Sigma]

I wish I never felt the way that leads me to SH. The cuts are 'just' the result of the way I feel.

[zigzag]

I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's been a part of my life for a long time, sometimes I think ''If I hadn't harmed that first time, then I wouldn't depend on it so much for coping, wouldn't have so many scars, would have learnt healthier ways of dealing with stuff''...etc.
But I guess it does have it's purpose, in some weird, fucked up way. I think I'd have snapped a long time ago, if I did not have that coping mechanism.

Makes me wonder how I'd be now, if I'd never got depression or started SI'ing.