can I have some hugs and caring please?

[Ratatouille strychnine]

*Throws you a big inflatable ring that's full of cuddles*

[Stellata]

Thank you Rob.



It makes total sense that as I find my voice that has been locked away all my life, the things I say often are what would have been better said *back then*. It's like playing back voicemail that's not been accessed for 38 years.
My god.
That's it.
You know when you get that shivery a-ha moment type feeling?

Please be patient and gentle with me as I negotiate this passage, as it's already been in evidence here on the forums, last night.
It feels very exposing and vulnerable.
I'm really emotional right now.

[Merc]

wondering how you are now?

*sends massive cuddles and hugs*

You are very brave for doing this, katherine,never forget that.
Here if you need ok?
*more cuddles*
luv
romp

[ThinkingofRecovery]

*drops by with a few more hugs to keep you going*

[Misunderstood.]

Making these kind of discoveries is good I think but at the same time I can understand when you say how vulnerable it must be making you feel at the moment. You have a lot of strength to be doing what you are and I really admire you for that.
Reading your R/V thread, as well as your other threads makes me think that you are at a real turning point at the moment and these things take courage such as you seem to have boundless amounts of.
{leaves a few hugs should you want them}

[Becca]

agrees you are very courageous *leaves more huggles*

[Stellata]

Thank you so so so much...

I'll update this evening when I get in from work.

[effervescence]

hey.
i'm here, and i care.
*waits for update*
you are doing so well with all this.

[Stellata]

Thank you..

I'm feeling really emotional and insecure and alone and empty.
I'm doing my best to hold it tenderly, and to put it in perspective with the memories and associated feelings that I'm facing.
I feel so sensitive. So sad.

[skyran]

*hugs gently*
i'll be online for a little while if you want to chat, or just want company.

sky xx

[Stellata]

Thank you.
Today I feel so alone, emotional, lost, and upset. So easily upset. So aching for love and warmth. So lost and alone.

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellata

It makes total sense that as I find my voice that has been locked away all my life, the things I say often are what would have been better said *back then*. It's like playing back voicemail that's not been accessed for 38 years.

Earlier in the year after an OD, I saw a nurse from the mh liaison team who have seen many times before. He said that he had spoken to my CPN who had expected me to do something as we had recently started to discuss things from the past. The way the liaison team guy explained it to me was that my current reactions - the impulsiveness, etc are how I dealt with it at that age and I now need to be able to deal with the memories and thoughts in a way more befitting of my age but to get to that stage I had to be able to remember how it was at that time, which will cause pain. I have to know what it is that is causing me to act how I am currently and then deal with it properly.

Sorry, I'm waffling. I guess I'm trying to say that although not going through formal therapy for things (waiting for my out of area referral), I am starting to have to deal with hurtful situations from the past and I understand how difficult that can be.

*hugs*

[Stellata]

Thank you...