I'm thinking of Siing again.
I si-ed earlier and I did it deeper then normal. It wasn't really deep I just went over it twice with ___. And I have done it over healing scars.
xxx I hate living like this. But I still want to die. I hate this, I hate it.
nothing really, I could think of. I have cryed alot tonight, Hel, you said crying was good well I have done it alot tonight. I am fed up of feeling the need to hurt myself and do things so drastically to feel like someone, maybe someone will really care. And I know deep down people really do but you know, when your there, your brain isn't thinking properly, everyone reading this thread has probably been there, maybe not sui but SI? .
I have made a list of everything I have done/doing to myself, because one of my friends said it would be a good idea, and it might shock me about how much things I am doing and have done, and it would be easier then saying everything,
I want to lie and say I'm fine like I did before, she asked how my moods were, and I said okay but I guess I'm kinda not, but I don't want to lie otherwise they'll put me in IP and if I say the truth they could put me in IP. So no matter what they do. They could put me in IP. It scares me so much. I have days to plan what I can say, and I was wondering if Helen could come with me, to poke me. and be there. Because I will freeze and then they'll just do it because my Mum wants it.xxx
Helen I have put the jonas brothers on youtube and I'm listening to it, poor unfortunate souls, the song you can't stop listening to?
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I love you too sweetie,
I'll try my best,
I am sorry everyone for making such a pathetic fuss, I wish I could stop myself breathing. But it never works. I am crying again,
I really want to attempt again. It doesn't take much for me anymore, the first time I ever ever tried I think I could do that more seriously and get away with it.
I don't know what to do. My thoughts are racing in my head and telling me to do stupid and silly things.xxx
I am trying to stay strong for you Helen I will try my best, at least for today and tonight the most I will do is SI
I know I shouldn't do any of it, but I'm starting to get annoyed at myself because I haven't ODed again today, crackers, I am losing my mind.
They're not putting me in hosp.
I have 16 days until the assessment
why did it get like this, I know it's all of my fault. But why?!
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I am so proud of you for staying strong, you can fight those urges, im sure it will get easier.
& its not that one tehe, its 'when you look me in the eyes'
I love you so much, I wish I had the words right now...
I can't wait to hold you tomorrow
you can get through this one night,
i love you
x
Awww, I read allur posts through this and i feel we are connected somehow , just through the words u ahve written. It descibes me so well yet this person is you. Sorry I am not much help I am struggling but yet faking that I am fine. I am tired and want to sleep now. I just wanted to let you know you ARE NOT ALONE !!!!!!!! I care and many others do and I know its hard to understand over a site but if i met you it would be much different ! You are specail and desever a full LIFE !~!!!!!!~
I did ended up Si-ing last night, quite a bit, and now I am more intrested in the deepness of them rather than the amount like before I was doing 86-100. When I was SI-ing in the night, then last night I don't know. I wanted to see it worst. They're still not deep. Really honestly they're not, but you can see all of the dried blood on top of it. and it just looks thick, but it's not, there was just a bit of blood.
It is very sad to hear you are in similar places to me nikki 1922, and it hurts because I know how much you are suffering now.
I am holding you tight,
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I hope your okay today too
I love you too much for words
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big hugs have you cleaned them all up you dont want them getting infected. like nikki said you are not alone we have all been in this place you are in. have you heard anything more from your doctor can you ask them to bring it forward thinking of you
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They have rung up my Mum and considering me being put into care, I wish I never talked about my dad, he doesn't do it anymore
I am really upset
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