Thanks mgs.
I could use some space.
If only there wasn't so much work to do...
I'm just so tired all the time..I feel just as tired when I wake up as when I went to bed, sometimes more. And early morning awakening....
I've never been signed off sick even through the worst of my illness. My GP did offer a number of times though, to do her credit.
To begin with my old manager made me take annual leave when I was actually sick. The disabilities rep has stopped that..... And now I have a different manager who will actually put me down as sick when I am off without prior notice. I have got into a routine where I take some hours off occasionally as, like, 'damage limitation'...
So it would seem strange, now I am recovering, to take sick leave that is noticeable as such.
I guess there's some pride in there. Big time, actually.
My old secondary school teacher who told us we could never be off for a cold, you never take time off for a cold... has a lot to answer for. Don't know what she would have said about depression.
I am just so so tired.
Holding on makes me tired, holding the conflict inside, tightly, takes energy... and if I could just let go... maybe I wouldn't 'fall apart'... just maybe...
If taking a few hours off here and there helps then great but it doesn't sound like that works anymore. If you're worried about being signed off as "sick" because of how it looks then I think you need to weigh up what will be better for you in the long run; being signed off for a few weeks now or carrying on as you are...
I can understand the pride problem; I felt so humiliated when I had to take my sick certificate in and have all my managers know I was depressed. It was like some proof of weakness or how I'd just given up because it was too hard to carry on. I worried they didn't believe me and thought that I'd gone to my GP with some sob story just to get some time off.
Only you know if you'd benefit from time off and if you think you would then sod them all and take as much time as you need. Even if the only thing that comes out of it is that you can get some rest and establish a better sleeping pattern then it would be worth it.
I went to work today. To be told that most of the invoices I'd processed recently had to be redone because of the program failure last week. *sigh* So I felt it wouldn't be quite right to speak to my manager and say I needed a few days off. So I struggled through the afternoon [I only work 3 hours on Fridays] feeling dizzy and tired and aching all over. It did improve slightly, but I still didn't feel at my best.
I'm pre-menstrual, so that's stirring things up also.
I'm going to try taking a sleeping tablet tonight as well as my A-D [my GP has approved this] and get to bed in plenty of time, see if I can get a full night's sleep for at least one night.
I'll see how things go over the weekend, and defintely talk to my manager on Tuesday, when also most of the fallout of backlog of work should have cleared.. and PMT will be past, hopefully...
i dont really have much to offer but i think seeing your doc is a good idea maybe to get some more ideas.
i was put on disability 3 years ago....but before that i struggled so much. im sorry i cant be of much help.
much love.
xx
to be honest, it sounds like you could do with some time off work. I know what its like trying to keep going when really you cant and the guilt about taking time off. I kept working for ages last year when really I shouldnt have, until eventually, I just knew I couldnt keep going and I ended up taking 2 months off.
your health is important as is your mental health. if you dont take time off now you may end up needing to take off longer in the future. talk to your GP and see what they say. A week may not be enough, maybe you need 2 or 3 weeks.
once you decide to take time off and you're away from work its easier to switch off, forget about the guilt and concentrate on yourself. if you're afraid of being on your own so much maybe you could plan your days in advance - go for a walk, meet up with people, sports, housework, try to get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time, just to keep some structure to your day and to ensure you dont spend all day in bed.
take care Xx
Last edited by slipping up again : 26-06-2007 at 11:59 AM.
Today I'll try to become more aware of alternatives that I haven't yet realised.
Although I have no control over other people's reactions or thoughts, I can change the way I react.
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
usually i trust my instincts and if i feel like i need a break, i need it
trust yourself here, nobody knows better than you
is there some vacation time you could take, just for a long weekend or a week?
i think that pushing back some of your hours is a good idea, which it looks like you have done, but if that is not enough maybe you can take some vacation time or something and see how that works
xxxooo
