That's awful. It sounds like she needs help as well as you. Imagine if you did kill someone, or yourself, that could be down to her being emotionally abusive to you.
If she won't help you, will your dad? Will anyone else on the team that is working with you?
Throwing your meds away will only make things worse and you don't deserve that, you deserve far better.
My meds zombify me. They make me sleep 9 hours a night. I hate sleep. They make me feel numb and dead inside.
My dad can't help because the process is legal now and anything I say to him has to be recoreded.
I will talk to the HTT tomorrow about my mental state.
I feel so murderous that I am positively scared of myself.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I am thinking of changing meds and the HTT said that they would look into that after the exams.
I told them how bad it feels but they didn't say much about it.
The voices are bad on some days and better on others. Today they haven't been too bad, but yesterday morning they were awful.
On a really good note today, my GP said I could go running; I've been getting nose bleeds, so I cannot run when its hot. It wasn't hot today so I went for a 30 minute run and it really helped the burning inside me to calm down. I will go running again tomorrow so that I can get rid of that excess energy.
I revised seven chapters of chemistry today and will hopefully do some more later tonight.
Thank you for your ongoing support.
The voices, hallucinations and people accessing my consciousness/being in my head are still there, but I am feeling a greater amount of control over them today. I don't know about tomorrow though.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I am glad you feel a greater control today, some days do tend to be better than others.
Please keep taking your meds, even if you don't like how they make you feel you won't know how much they are supressing until you stop taking them. I'm glad you have been honest with the HTT, hope you can continue to tell them how bad things are. Hopefully a change of meds after the exams will help. thats not too long now is it?
Good luck with your revision
Jo x
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
I can do kickboxing exercises and I also weightlift in my bedroom every day. So there's always some exercise to do.
The voices are getting quite bad now, but luckily I am tired so I can just fall asleep.
I had a really violent hallucination today. Best not to describe it here.
But I'm trying to stay level.
Tomorrow is biology.
Thanks, I'm going to sleep soon so that I can prevent myself from going downstairs and doing something to someone's throat.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I didn't take my meds last night because I got really pissed off with the tiredness. I couldn't get to sleep until the early hours of the morning and I had weird hallucinations. Today I have a bad temper and am hearing more voices than normal. Ech. I will consider taking them tonight.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I am thinking about changing meds, but the HTT are not too keen because I'm having my remaining 11 exams in over two weeks' time.
I will take them tonight, but only after I tell the HTT about me not taking them last night and expressing my frustration with the meds making me more tired than actually curing the voices.
Perhaps I'm overreacting with the tiredness issue, but I am not overreacting about the voices, hallcuinations, people in my head etc.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
That's probably what I'll end up doing, because common sense tells me that changing meds while taking exams is not a good idea.
Thanks.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
The voices are telling me that if I take my meds they will kill me in my sleep. **** now I can't take them. I really can't.
My head feels like its about to split in half.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'll tell the HTT. I've been feeling scared all day, but I put that down to my overactive brain as a result of not taking meds.
Sorry.
Agh.
The HTT will come around 7pm today I think. I'll hold on.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
What can the HTT do if I don't take my meds? Can they actually do anything?
They're coming in 40 minutes (6pm).
My mind is spinning.
Schizophrenia 1, me 0.
I'm sorry for being so annoying. Please tell me if you want me to shut up and go away, I will understand.
Last edited by Steel Maiden : 25-05-2008 at 05:39 PM.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I think they may be able to do something, not sure what exactly.
It sounds like they do help in some way, could you take them til after your exams then consider changing?
Goood luck with htt xx
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
Do you know that "crazy" feeling when your head is spinning and going at five hundred miles an hour? That's what I have now.
Thank you dark_light, I will see what happens when they come in around 20 minutes.
I'll tell them I don't want to take my meds. I don't know how it will help.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Yeah i know that feeling, i just can't settle atm and can't sit still cos my mind is spinning.
Hope it went ok with HTT
Jo xx
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
The HTT encouraged me strongly to take the meds and I did. I also had a really good conversation with them where I emptied out all my emotions and problems, and they really helped. I feel a bit relieved, but also uneasy because I may never recover from this illness.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
You put a smile on my face, CRL, and believe me, its hard to make me smile, so thanks.
How does BPD affect you day to day? How do you cope when things are bad?
I took my meds at 6.45pm, so as a result I am already tired. But hopefully this means I can wake up in the morning tomorrow.
Mental health issues suck. But as you say, we need to find a way to cope because there's no point crying about it all the time and not doing anything to help ourselves. So thank you.
CRL, where do you live?
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'm from London (Londinium as my location says).
The difficulties that you go through and how you survive day to day is very inspiring, and getting the rabbits so you can care for them is a very good idea.
I wish I could help. Although, it seems that your daily routine really helps you. Keep up with the good work. I find that a routine helps me too, although now I've finished school so the routine sort of goes out of the window.
Are you on any medication?
Once again, you are very inspiring. Keep going, I'm supporting you all the way.
I think the wireless connection I'm hijacking is about to disconnect itself, so I'll be back tomorrow.
Meds are also working now so I'm feeling very sleepy.
Thank you CRL; my e-mail is steel9maiden@gmail.com if you want to e-mail me about anything.
Do you have MSN? I don't go on that often, but it would be nice for us to chat one day.
Good night and best wishes,
SM
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'm glad it went well with the HTT and really i think for now its best you do take your meds at least until your exams are over, of course thats just my opinion.
I wonder what your definition of recovery is? I like to think we can all recover, we may never be cured completely but i believe that we can recover and learn to live with our diagnoses. I know someone who has been in similar situation to you and you would never know unless she told you. She is even coming off her meds soon and her dr thinks she will be able to manage without mediciation. I suppose i am saying that although it can feel like a life sentence, with the right treatment and support it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to rule your life forever, one day you will conquer it.
Stay positive, its difficult now but you'll get there.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
My msn is in my profile and that's also my e-mail addy.
No, I'm not on any meds. I had a time two or so months ago where they tried a couple and they backfired big time. They wanted to try something else, a third line anti-depressant that is also an anti-psychotic (he says it will stop me thinking he is going to poison me and hiding codes in everything), but I haven't been back. I feel physically and mentally battered from all the awful things I went through with the meds we tried. I need to gather myself, recharge my batteries and pause before starting again. Plus I have an appointment this coming week to asses me for surgery (tendon reconstruction and skin grafts), so I'm getting that over with, lol.
Please know my PM box and e-mail/msn are always open to you. You fight so hard despite everything that goes on for you. YOU are the inspiration.
I hope you get a decent sleep and wake up feeling ok tomorrow.
Trace
x
Thank you for your MSN address, I'm chatting to you right now.
I am so sorry that things weren't going well for you and that meds don't work either.
The side-effects of meds can really suck sometimes.
Good luck on the surgery btw.
I am the inspiration? *blush*
Who do you see (in terms of doctors) now?
Thanks Trace, you're fantastic.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
