Struggling

[thegirlwiththemask]

At the minute its the only thing helping me focus on work

[thegirlwiththemask]

Its the only thing keeping me focused. I know it doesnt makes sense but after I cut I can actually concentrate. The worse thing is I cant talk to anyone at uni about it.

[88shelz]

how is your mood otherwise apart from the urge to self harm?
what about another method...
Eg. pinging a rubber band of your wrist.
drawing in red pen where u would cut.
holding ice cubes

[thegirlwiththemask]

I have a hair tie around my wrist but it doesnt work. To be honest cutting doesnt even feel the same. It doesnt feel enough, it's never enough.

[88shelz]

have you tried using a punch bag or running til u can run no more.
i often set my pillows up and punch them to get rid of frustration.

[thegirlwiththemask]

I dont have time to do things like that. I have so much work to do its just easier for me to cut and then get on with things.

[88shelz]

stop work for a few minutes.
your health is more important than your work.
if you keep working yourself like this it will onli damage ur helath more and all the work u were trying so hard to do will onli be a waste anyway.
find a way that you can release how u r feeling safely.
xx

[thegirlwiththemask]

I really dont have time to stop. I've havent eaten in two days so i can get it done. I have 3 exams and i need to get 15000 words done all this week. Plus I have to get ready for my lectures. Even if im bad for a few days or weeks i need to get on.

[88shelz]

you have alot going on.
is it the work load that is causing you so much stress?
i kow its difficult finding the time in all of that...
you realli need to take a break tho and have a bite to eat.
maybe go for a short walk and get some fresh air.
when u get back your mind will be so mch cleared and working shud be a little easier.
you need to try make the time. its not good for you working this mch,xx

[thegirlwiththemask]

Its not just work the last month has been a nightmare. Im not even hungry anymore so if i can work and not eat I'll do it. I just need to get it all done and if it means cutting 3-4 times a day it doesnt matter.

[88shelz]

whats been happening in the last month?
you really need to eat something whether u feel hungry or not...u cnt keep going without food.
cutting 3-4times a day isnt good and you no it.
nicola please try and do something else other than cutting.
take a break from your work load for half an hour and chill out.
its not good to keep working yourself the way you are x

[thegirlwiththemask]

My baby cousin had to be delivered 3 months earlier and nearly died her mother was diagnosed with cancer, two of my friends dad's died, my God-daughter died, now my friend that lost her dad has lost her uncle and another friend needs me badly and I let her down coz I cant cope with anymore.

[88shelz]

thats alot to have happened...im sorry to hear it.
are you throwing yourself into your work and cutting to mask the grief?

[thegirlwiththemask]

I dont know. Cutting is the only thing that is helping atm and i have to get this work done. Nothing is clear in my head right now. I dont even know what im feeling half the time. For ages now I ave just been numb and Im sick of it.

[88shelz]

ah the numb feeling *runs and hides*
its horrible when u feel that way.
cutting isnt the only thing that is going to help you though.
there are other things you can do. you jsut need to figure out what they are.
are you able to speak to a tutor at uni about have extra time to do you work and some extra help?
you dont have to do it all alone you no...especially wen u r struggling so much

[thegirlwiththemask]

No. When it comes to this im just best to keep my mouth shut and get on with things. I am at a christian bible college where i thought that I'd get help not with this but with things going on but I feel more a lone here than I did at home.

[88shelz]

i dont think u r best to keep ur mouth shut.
you need to say how u feel and get help if you need it.
have u asked for help? x

[thegirlwiththemask]

No. No-one wants to help. My friends who dont know whats goin on are more helpful than the staff that do!

[88shelz]

perhpas you could confide in your friends then about what reli is going on.
if they are heloing you alreadythen they mite be able to help you even more.

[thegirlwiththemask]

I've been told by staff if i talk to my friends about it I would be asked to leave.