Help

[Bellatrix]

I care <3

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs I'm so sorry I thought you were under the crisis team . I'm low on words but thinking of you .

[Epicene]

So do I, even though I'm low on words.

[chinahorse]

Thanks guys.

Im a bit worried Ive dissociated and taken pills. I half remember like a dream but I cant find any empty packets. The dissociation/ out of body dreamy stuff is really bad at the moment. Ive tried all the grounding things I know how but its not helping.

I havent taken ANY benzos today though :D I am so proud of myself.

Ive asked my cpn to see a psych to talk about meds. She is going to try to fit someone in. She wants me to talk to the drug addiction people but I declined. She mentioned talking to their therapist while we wait for the cassel but we both agree that if it goes wrong I will probably die.

Shes heard nothing from the cassel. In two weeks. Absolutely nothing. I cant stand it anymore. My whole life is on hold waiting for this and they can't even keep me informed.

I dont feel ready to go back to work tomorrow but I desperately need the money. And its only 6 hours right?

I dont feel right. Its getting to THAT time of year. I feel vulnerable. I feel ill. I cant stop sleeping. Im in pain. Im hot and shivery and cold. I feel so exhausted. It feels like a warning from the man.

Please someone listen. Talk to me. Please.

[Epicene]

I wonder if you feel physically so bad because you haven't taken any benzos today? They are so addictive that a day without can lead to horrible, and dangerous, withdrawals. I don't want to take away from your wonderful achievement of not taking any, just concerned.

[chinahorse]

Oh I didnt think of that. I find it hard to concentrate right now.

[Unbreakable.]

I love you <3

I'm sorry you're struggling so much and that you‘ve been let down once more.

Can you practice some self care?
I know it doesn't feel like a lot, but you need to be gentle with yourself and little self care things sometimes help people feel a bit better.

[chinahorse]

Im honestly exhausted after 2 naps and 11 hours sleep.

Im cuddled up with my kindle and a cuppa.

[Unbreakable.]

Are you not getting paid for sick leave?
Sorry, just being a foreigner used to people getting sick pays!

That sounds like a good idea.
What are your reading?

[chinahorse]

Basically no. And even if I did its capped at a rate that no human can live off and keep a roof over their head. I also havent told work Im signed off.

Teenage fiction about mind readers.

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs I'm low on words xx

[chinahorse]

Could do with some support. Decides to take some responsibility and go to a and e. I found many empty pill packets when tidying my room this morning so could have taken them Errr Monday night now? I mean I'll be fine but I should go. Maybe they can give me something for nausea and hurting joints.

But I'm scared they will laugh at me. Because I don't know for certain. I don't know what to say. I should have gone earlier but I had to work. And they will hate me because I smell from working in 30 degree heat all day.

And please. I need some friends. Some reassurance. It'll just be a blood test and then I can go home. Right?

[Fire Fly]

*hugs*. I hope it is just a blood test but welldone for getting checked out. Any updates? How are you feeling now?

I'm sure they won't laugh at you or care what you smell like. There job is to care for you. X

[chinahorse]

They have been very nice so far. And treated me lovely though i got a ligjt scolding for going to work instead of coming straigt here. Just had some blood taken.

[chinahorse]

Things were normal enough to be allowed home.

Odd as I'm so certain I took them but they're saying I probably didn't take as many.

Oh well. Here's hoping I find some strength from Lord knows where to work tomorrow. I should have taken this week off to rest too. I'm I so much pain and I'm not sure how to handle it.

[Uglyducklin]

Hugs Lillie xx

[Noreason1982]

How are you doing?

If you have any queries re employment, sick pay etc you should speak to your local CAB or contact the national CAB Adviceline (I've worked for both and they can be really informative and helpful :)).

Was your blood test ok?

[chinahorse]

As I said i n my previous post my bloods were ok enough to be allowed home.

Thanks, Ive looked in to sick pay and I couldn't afford to live off it and its complicated as Im on 0 hours.

Im in a lot of pain today and Ive already had to take prn to cope with the intrusive thoughts and the men. Its the time of year I know that but Id like for the first time ever not to fall apart or be sectioned.

I see my cpn on friday as shes off next week (shes always off when I need her) do you think itd be reasonable to ask her to call the cassel and see where things are at? Any other ideas of what I can as for or get help with to keep going?

Also any ideas on how to remember meds? I feel semi not with it a lot and I double dosed yesterday on accident. I only get a week so its easy to work out when Im with it but I wasnt.

[tiptoes]

Would a dosset box help or could you write the days of the week on the back of your medication? Is it remembering to take them that is the issue or not remembering if you have taken them? My morning alarm makes me solve a puzzle before turning it off, I wonder whether this might be more helpful than a standard alarm it is harder to just dismiss without properly registering what the alarm was for

I think it would be completely reasonable to ask her to get an update for you on the cassel.

Sorry I don't have any more advice.

[chinahorse]

Maybe Ill dig out my pill box thingy if I can find it. I tend to not be sure if Ive taken them so take them again out of habit and then later I will look at how many I have left and be like crap.

I dont know how to keep up the cheery facade anymore. Its just for work. But Im now sobbing on my break and walking to and fro. I just cant deal with life. I feel so low. I want to end it.

What can I do to keep functionng? Im desperate.