Struggling to see a way out.

[Ballerina123]

When do you next see your team?
Did you tell the 2nd opinion Dr you felt unsafe when you saw him?

Hope you manage to get though the night safely.
Hugs x

[Fire Fly]

not until 16th. My cc is really busy and cancelled our appt. Im starting to hate our appointments and thinks not very productive. She knows I'm going through a hard time at the moment but her advice is to stay at home and prevent myself from going out and harming myself.

I told him I felt suicidal but we didn't go into it much. i will try and emphasise how suicidal I am but I don't think there's much he can do. Don't think there's much anyone can do. I can't really say it with my partner in the room. should i go in before and say my partners downstairs if we need to talk with him?

[Ballerina123]

I think so.
I think if you wanna be honest with the psych and you don't feel like you can do that with your partner there then definitely ask for some alone time. After all you are paying for it. Get your money's worth!

I'm not sure I agree with your cc. I personally find that the more time I spend jn the house the lower I feel.
Getting out and doing stuff is good for mood so she should eh suggesting you do that really. But maybe she means something else. I dunno. That's just my take on it.

[Fire Fly]

I told my partner how I felt and he just said be honest with the dr but he's limited to what he can do. I told him I had a plan.

My cc is just useless.

[Fire Fly]

Was in a&e last night. The main guy I saw suggested an admission which I agreed to. And then when he spoke to his superiors HTT got invovled and took over despite me having a plan for today.

The only reason why I've remained safe so far is because if I leave to go to the bridge my bf will call the police. I feel so low and ashamed that it's come to this again. I just feel so hopeless.

[[Luna]]

I'm so sorry things are so bad. Is your boyfriend able to stay with you this evening? When are the HTT seeing you next? I hope you're able to be really honest with them.
Please try not to feel ashamed, you're not choosing to feel this way.
Sending lots of love xx

[Fire Fly]

HTT have just been. They weren't all that helpful. S has been sent to a&e from his university for being the polar opposite to how I feel. He's being seen by the psych team so there's no point me going to the hospital as he will be coming home. All I want to do is go to the bridge. He can't stop me.

[[Luna]]

How about you stay here and talk to us. You don't need to go to the bridge, it won't help matters. I'm sorry to hear your partner is in a&e. Sounds very stressful.
xx

[Fire Fly]

He's being sent home so that's good. Ordered Chinese food. Just feel like this is frustrating. Just feel like ending it will solve everything and people will be better off without me.

[Ballerina123]

I wouldn't be better off with out you.
None of us would.

Can you see at all that every mood swing passes even if it's a long swing you can't experience it forever and this will pass.
Maybe not today but it will get better.

Can you make your home safe so that you have nothing dangerous jn the house?

Sorry you feel so low xxx

[Arienette]

People wouldn't be better off without you. That's your illness talking not you.

You're unwell at the moment and I know you want to go back to work but do you think that's best when you're feeling this low?

Are you on meds?

[Fire Fly]

I am on meds. HTT came today and agreed with me that I still shouldn't be on that amount of diazepam a day. So seeing the dr tomorrow morning. I'm hoping they will increase my mirtazapine.

My partner is manic so it invovles caring for him and it has helped because he's off work so I can't do anything. Just don't understand why I'm so low.

I think work will be good getting back into swing into things.

[Arienette]

Did you get the all clear to go back to work then? X