I know :/
Thing is I don't want to go behind her back and fall out with her or have her not trust me with anything ever again. She also tells me that her mum tells her to pay me back all the time so I think her mum already knows. I don't want to upset her. I want to wait until next Tues when she's (once again) promised me she'll set the standing order up but I'm just repeating myself over and over in vain hope that she'll keep her word. This is so tricky.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Could you warn her that if she doesn't start paying you back that you will contact her mum.
I understand not wanting to upset her but I don't think she is repaying you the same courtesy. You have given her plenty options, I can't help but feel that being a little more assertive is the way to go forward.
Thank you tiptoes. Yes, you are right, and being assertive is not one of my best points as my self-esteem is awful but I will try.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I agree that it would be a good idea to tell her in advance of Tuesday that if she doesn't set up the standing order you will be contacting her mum. That way you've given her fair warning so if she grumbles you can say that you gave her a clear indication that this was the action you would take.
I can understand it being difficult to be assertive- perhaps you could try to imagine what if would be like if it was another friend she owed money? Maybe it would be easier to be assertive when imaging that situation!
Thank you. I know this situation is ridiculous. I just know she will make me feel guilty if I put my foot down and I'm struggling as it is.
She was supposed to put £20 into my account today so I could get me and my sister a takeaway. I text her and asked her if she'd put it in - no, she didn't and thought I'd meant tomorrow. Bullshit. I'm so angry. I'm not speaking to her. If she doesn't put that money in tomorrow I am going to put measures in place i.e. threats of informing people.
This just isn't fair.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I'm not surprised you're pissed off with her!! To be honest what you said in an earlier post about the friendship being unhealthy sounds right.
I know it's hard when she's constantly offering excuses that you feel you can't argue against, but she needs to know you mean business. If the money she promised doesn't get given back today tell her mum and/or her team - you've given her more than enough warning already so don't feel you have to talk to her first, it sounds like you'd only get more excuses.
It sounds like you're being taken advantage of, and you are showing her an awful lot more respect and concern than she is showing you. Yes she's in hospital, but if she's been paying other people back there's no reason why she couldn't start paying you back. You need to think about yourself and your own wellbeing as this is obviously affecting you, and that is not fair.
Eugh, I'm so sorry she's still messing you around, this is really unacceptable & very very unfair. You lent her the money on the basis she paid you back & she's not doing that, you have every right to inform others of the situation, she clearly isn't listening to you so perhaps she will listen to someone else, her Mum for example.
I must say you are more than within your right to tell others now, You are not being unreasonable by doing so either. You've given more than enough time & chances to pay you/work out a payment plan.
Thank you Helen. Yes, she put £20 in today. Better late than never I suppose and it's a start. I will be firm if she doesn't set up the standing order on Tuesday.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I hope you will be firm on tuesday if she doesn't set up the standing order. If you tell her you'll contact her mum, and then don't do anything, she'll learn that she can fob you off with excuses all she wants because you never follow through with what you say. Honestly, you need to be firm. It does not make you a bitch at all.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I dunno think you might have to do what I'm now having to do with is cut your losses and just run and just don't lend anyone money again. Yes its not fair on you but then again if your fed up asking just put it down as experience people owe me money I've just got to accept I'll never have it back
^Since the friend has started paying it back and there have been discussion about a standing order being set up and mikey still has the option of contacting her friends mum, I don't think it's reached the stage where she would have to just give up!
She didn't set it up today as she didn't want to do it with staff, but she said she will do it on Thursday. I agreed this is okay but that if she doesn't I would take things further. She said, 'you won't, you're too nice to do that' but I said that I would. I think she is manipulative sometimes and it hurts.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I know you are right but she's my best friend and I don't want to lose that.
I planned to give her 'til Thursday. She has had ample warning and if she doesn't set the standing order up then I will firstly get in touch with her mum. If that doesn't change things I will have to get in touch with the ward but she will hate me for it and I don't want her to get unwell because I am being mean.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
You're not being mean! Personally I wouldn't have given her til thursday as it sounds like she will always have a reason why she can't do it/it's not convenient.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I can see that you're worried about being assertive in case it affects her wellbeing, but you have given her huge amounts of warning that you will take the next step, and she is in hospital so even if it did cause her to struggle a little, she's in the best place! Also, in terms of her long term recovery, this will be an important lesson in taking responsibility and learning that there are consequences for very badly letting a close friend down will probably help with her relationships and functioning in future!
She didn't do it today. I had 26 missed calls when I checked my phone after 8 hours at work. She said she couldn't get out because her ward round was delayed. She said she will do it tomorrow. I'm too tired to deal with this.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
