Everything feels weird and I'm an angel, and no one believes me

[Epicene]

Your autocorrect is right!

I'm glad you were validated by the nurse, it makes a difference to have a member of staff on your side. It sounds like you're still quite 'high' though; would you consider taking the quetiapine to help get a good nights sleep? It might make you a bit drowsier than you'd like but you can still feel good on it. It won't take away your feelings.

Hope you enjoy your visits and they help brighten your day.

[Arienette]

Yeah I agreed to take it but they forgot to give it to me and I didn't remind them LOLOLOLOL. I was just dancing to elvis. Whipped out my moods and this woman started going crazy she loved it lololololol.

[Arienette]

I meant moves

[sherlock holmes]

"Whipped out my moods" is an amusing typo!

Can you remind them about the quetiapine? It might be better than get more manic and have PRN forced on you.

[Ballerina123]

Sorry your ill

[Arienette]

^^^ I'm not reading your messages because I doubt their helpful. Just saying so it's pointless posting you know. I'm gong I kindly ask you to stop causing trouble with me if you have nothing helpful or positive to say. I'm not being one of your dramas. Drama over. End of. Our Drew a line under it.

-----------------

They'll probay remember it tonight. It was probably a mistake.

I've had the most rubbish day today but I've calmed down now. I didn't understand what happened with the dr today an I don't understand what symptoms they're seeing compared to some stuff I now is symptoms and a me xperiencing. And if no one is straight with me how can I be aware you know?

My mum saw me though. That was nice. He's trying. She's trying really hard.

And I'm allowed leave finally.

Yay. I hope I sleep tonight. I just want today to be over with. I'm sick of people sabotaging me out of jealousy.

Just because I'm invincible an smart. It's silly. Jealousy is such a stupid thing.

X

[talaiporia]

What happened with the doctor today?

I'm glad your mum is being lovely and you're allowed leave. You say you think people are sabotaging you. What makes you think that? I find it quite rare that people do things like that, even if it seems like it. Quite often it's a misunderstanding or a breakdown in communication isntead that can be solved with a conversation.

[Arienette]

Everyone's talking about me and trying to make me think I'm not gifted.

The dr was all, "are you trying to convince me you're xyz?"
"No"
"Do you think you're xyz?"
"No. I'm fine"
"Do you think you're invincible still?"
"Yeah"
"Well I was going to discharge you but by saying that you've just said to me that you want to stay in hospital"
"Whaat!!?!"
Then she said she wasn't giving me leave and then said "what about HTT?"

I nodded.

"You've not said anything"
"I'm nodding yes"
"What to, I asked two questions?"
"The HTT what else did you ask"
"Well if you didn't hear me you're obviously too mentally unstable to go home?"
"What?"
"Are you suicidal?"
"No"
"But you cuts on your arms"
"They're old and if I was suicidal u would cut here here or here. I'm not suicidal"
"It's just because of your presentation before"
"Well I'm not suicidal I'm fine. I've got loads to do, college Uni then research for Nobel prize. Races and exercise etc"
"Mum hmmm no you're not stable that's the end. We've spoken about everything now you'll probably be stuck here til Tuesday now because of the bank holiday. Why don't you think about that and reconsider why you're saying you're invincible? Maybe it's a protective thing to cope or sometimes people have other mental illnesses aswell as your other Dx and your showing signs of mental illness"

---

Seriously. Just what. She's all over the place.

I asked a nurse what's going on I'm confused. He said he'll sit with me and go through it tomorrow.

I'm so confused.

Im gonna ring my mum. I feel bad that our visit got ruined by that and a few other pathetic dramas.

X

[Arienette]

I spoke to a nurse last night and she was actually a bit helpful.

Someone was supposed to talk to me bout what's happening today but he's not done yet. I feel at a more normal pace tody and slowed down but like I could learn and adapt to it which is what they said.

I feel like I've lost loads of weight (been unite actor running around and barely eating) which im annoyed about bc I wanted to just tone up and am worried I've lost muscle mass which is upsetting.

Hopefully if I stay stable and not high til next ward round I could go home.

Fingers crossed.

I'm going to give the quetiapine a go bc I feel like I was starting to come down from my high naturally anyway (it's been a while) and if I take meds it could prevent a depression.

Although I really want to test my invincibility tonight and have figured a way. I'm not goin to write how incase I trigger someone. If I survive though then boom: proved. They can believe me, this whole thing can be settled and people can accept my gift and leave me to get on with my business: you know?

X

[Arienette]

The nurse did talk to me.

I feel rubbish and I hate that I have to fight this and I hate that I had to come into hospital.

And yeah. Ugh.

I heard the words room check I swear so I'm covered in contraband under my clothes lol.

Feeling ninja.

And ****.

But ninja all the same.

[Arienette]

Well the room check stuff was all paranoia. And I had a dream that they searched my room, found xyz that I shouldn't have and shouted at me. Woke up though and none of it had happened although I swear I heard it.

Maybe it's just anxiety.

I feel depressed today and I just want to go home.

If I wasn't invincible I'd kill myself. I have everything I would need if I was a normal human.

It's frustrating.

[Epicene]

Sounds like you're still going through a really tough time. Have you tried to talk to any of the nurses again? If you are feeling suicidal it is really important to share that, even if you do believe that you are invincible.

[Arienette]

It's so bad in here. It's hell.

I've asked for stuff, stuff I should have or should have happened already and nothing.

I don't feel like I can approach the staff here. When you do ask for something it's like you're being a nuisance because they're so busy doing nothing.

One is sat reading the paper: seriously? And someone was supposed to take me out for my leave.

I literally keep hearing stuff really clear then realising it's paranoia/imagination. It's stressing me out because if they check my room I will get into trouble.

I also woke up and found blood on my bathroom walls in writing this morning. It's still there I can't be bothered to talk about it. The cleaner saw it ignored if so I'm going to keep it hush hush. (I know it's mine I have cuts at least it's mine lol- else I'd be freaked out!!!)

This place is a total joke of a ward.

X

[Epicene]

That's so frustrating about the staff. I know how it feels when you want/need things from staff but they seem really busy and don't follow through on what they say. But the person reading the paper is definitely NOT busy! Perhaps you can try and remind them about your leave?

I'm sorry you are hearing things and that your room is distressing you. Maybe it would help to sit out of your room for a while? I know when I hear voices it can help to be around other white noise to make it feel less intimidating.

[Arienette]

I'm just anxious because I keep hearing them say about room checkig my room

And I have SO MUCH stuff that I shouldn't.

Like coffee, razors, lighters, tobacco, meds

If I'm in the communal areas I get pissed off at the staff.

And my 'friend' keeps talking to me and I haven't got the patience to work out what sea saying amongst her slur

Also, I have a rash and I'm getting fat: just to make things better.

I need to stop eating the custard.

And I need to exercise.

And I feel lonely.

[Ballerina123]

Are you safe with those things?
I'm sorry you self harmed.
Can you talk to staff about it? Some time the support workers are better than the nurses because they have more time x

[Arienette]

I don't want to talk about the self harm i feel like it is between me and my part.

I have more dangerous things in my room. It's a source of entertainment for me because its hilarious that they have no idea.

I'm safe though. No intention to hurt myself and I've barely drank the coffee because there's no sugar or right sized spoon so when I made bit it was grosse lol.

X

[Ballerina123]

glad you have no intention of harming yourself.
whats your part?

[Arienette]

Dissociative part. Little.

I feel like that is how it communicates. It's not an ideal method but better than no method and allows me to access what I am really feeling when I'm cutting off accidentally : if that makes sense.

[Cacoethes]

If you want to do it then that's up to you.
But be aware the consequences could be bad.