Hi there, please dont too hard on ur self ok? You deserve alot better I know but ur not on ur own because were here. One of us knows what ur going through so dont think otherwise.
I do think things will get better in the long run even if it dont feel like it now. You have to go through the worse before it gets better. I know it dont feel like this right now but u will see in time.
Have u had any counselling or seen a doctor? Are u in touch with The Crisis Team or Mental Health Team or? Do u think that might help. Hopefully seeing the doctor or counseller can help u have some control again back in ur life which u didnt have before. Seems like the medication is helping u to do that even if u dont feel like that. Its important to keep taking it cuz in the end u will more likely to come off it then stopping. Has this made a difference? Would be a good idea for now to continue with it. Its good that ur trying to keep everything together including ur relationship, work family and urself but dont pretend to be happy cuz u have to do it for other people.
Would getting some time off work help? Having a couple of weeks off and taking a break might be a good idea for u. Could u speak to anyone about this at work like the manager or a collegue? Maybe seeing the doctor and getting them to sign u off work will tell them at work that u need a break without having to go into it much. What do u think?
I see u havent had much support with ur family. Could u think about either writing a letter to them? Getting ur thoughts out in the open. Could u arrange to meet up or something? With ur bf could u think about spending more time with each other and doing things u both use to enjoy and geting that communication back. Maybe thats just all u need is to get the fun back in ur life and talking to him one to one and being honest with each other might help or setting a sechdule between the both of u and plan out what days ur both out, what days ur free to spend time together, what day is ur day and what day is his and the times. Even a route on what days and times u both sharing house work, whos choice is to watch tv, to make dinner, clean etc. Would this help or? if u dont think none of those will help then only thing is coming to a choice for u both if this is What u want? Being open and honest with him will then know where u stand. You have to do whats best for u but only u know wether ur happy or not.
Remember by taking small steps everyday and make a difference. However big or small u would of acheived something. Also taking time out for urself and having a nice bath, watching a film, relaxing or doing stuff at home will give u some me time. By saying this is my time to ur bf and u dont wanna be disturbed. You shouldnt have to feel bad or horrible about if. Im sure he does his own thing and goes out withw his mates or watching tv.
Please try not to worry and if u need someone to talk to then talk to us. Were here if u wanna talk.
Hugs x
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