to punish myself, to deal with stress/upset/guilt. makes me feel calm and weak and able to settle a bit more
my parents found out when i was in hospital for an ed, and they were extremely shocked and worried. i told my close friends and my boyfriend, and although they find it hard to understand, they are supportive and dont make me feel weird.
i was in 2 different units, one for an ed and one for depression and sh, and i think the second unit did help me with understanding and stopping cutting a lot
if i don't want to tell people its because im ashamed and because i think they cant help me
anorexia and depression. the sh is definately linked to both.
yes
like they were scared of me
no because i was scared i wouldnt be able to cope without it, but yes because i knew that it was spiralling out of control. i have stopped , after i went too far and i knew i had to stop or i would end up killing myself. i also knew i would lose my boyfriend if i carried on. i wrote in my diary a lot, relied on music and excercise to distract me from bad thoughts, and being with my boyfriend a lot, and he was the biggest support to me.
no i don't, i think there is always something behind it, and it is more a symptom of somthing else
got worse - i had to do it worse and worse to get the same feeling.
yes but even now, after being 150 days free, nothing else feels quite the same.
yes i hate it when people im with get self conscious of my scars, although most of the time im fairly comfortable with them, and accept them as part of me.
yes, there is such stigma/taboo/sterotype surrounding it.
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 13
How do you SI? cutting, burning or overdosing depends
Do you try to hide it? How? yes gloves long sleeves thick bracelets
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? if i'm anxious nervous annoyed or angrey it helps calm me down
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? yes i eventually told my form tutor at the time after her constantly asking what was wrong by asking if i could talk to her when she was free umm i don't remember how she reacted i wasn't looking at her maybe slightly surprised
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? well i was forced to see the doctor by the school and then they reffered me to a councilor at first it didn't but now it's starting to.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? yes I was scared i'm not good at talking to people.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? noDo you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI?
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? no
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? no i refuse to go for overdoses
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? yes about 2 years after i started i tried just stopping but it didn't work so i spoke to my form tutor to see if she had any ideas what i could do to help stop she suggested stuff i could try to do instead and helped get me counciling
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? hmm maybe in some cases
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? got worse
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? i don't think so i've tried a couple of things they help for a bit but not long term
Did you ever regret SI? yes sometimes
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? no well maybe SH just generally seems to be something personal that you don't want other people to know about i suppose that could be down to what people think but often i think thats the way people prefer it anyway
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
Yes,i wear arm-warmers and coats all the time. But if it's really hot,or i have no new marks i will let them free so to speak.
Release,punishment.
Yes,well i told my teacher,because i was always absent in P.E even though i was always in,so i told her. My mum and my friends were shocked,my mum got very angry too,she still shouts,but my friends are ok about it now.
Yes,at first i had a counsellor for about 6 months,then went to family therapy at CAMHS,now i go to a hospital where i see my physc twice a week and yes they're really helping.
.
Yes i've been disgnosed with clinical depression,and yes i do think they're a link.
Never cutting,only overdosing.
Oh no,the staff are always nice,i'm sure it'll change when i'm no longer under age though.
Yes,i've tried countless times,i tried to quit about a year and half after i started. I tried therapy,music,safer alternatives.Nothing helped as i'm still self-harming,but i'm still trying.
No.
Definetely get worse.
Maybe one day,i can't cope without it right now.
Yes and no.Yes because i've lost most of my friends,and because well i've wrecked my body obviously.No because it's helped me through these two years and i couldn't of survived without my blade. But i do regret it for a short time after i cut/o.d.
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 13
How do you SI? Cutting & OD mostly, I do occassionaly burn.
Do you try to hide it? How? Yeh, I wear clothes which cover it.
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? To punish myself for being such a bad person, to remind myself that I will never be good enough, & so that there is some way of getting all this upset and sadness out of myself, into something physical.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? Yes. I told my tutor last year. She was absolutely amazing, she didn't force me to get help, she just told me it didn't change what she thought of me and that she was always always there if I needed her. It had been building for a few weeks that she knew something was up, she eventually kept me behind after a tutorial when I'd had a very bad day and I just burst into floods of tears and told her everything. A few friends have found out, and I told my boyfriend.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? I've had professional help for a few things, but not SI.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? Yes. I don't really know why, but I've always felt like there's so little they can do to help.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Bulimia and depression.
Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? Yes definatly
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? Yes
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you?
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? I've never really tryed, I'm too scared to try and fail.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? No.
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? Worse.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? I would.
Did you ever regret SI? Sometimes, but it's made me who I am.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? Yes
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? i was 15
How do you SI? i cut, and on severe occasions i have OD'ed
Do you try to hide it? How? I hide it on every occasion except when ive been in a foreign country (where its hot and physically impossible, without passing out to wear long sleaves) and at the swimming pool, where i just have to deal with it. The short answer, permanent long sleaves.
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? Because it take me away from the inner pain. The pain builds up to the point where it boils over and leads to self harm. Afterwards, i feel a relief but also a sense of guilt. The relief is stronger.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? Yes. My social worker, psychiatrist, outreach, GP, some friends. My family also, although not through choice. I was admitted to hospital and then they found out.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? Yes, i have a social worker, psychiatrist, outreach, gp. Have also been involved with Crisis and Inpatient. Yes they do help. They cant the pain, emotions and thoughts away but they do help me to try to deal with them.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? na
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? Ive been diagnosed with BPD with associated low mood. I disagree with this diagnosis for various reasons, mainly because i feel like ive been labled because of the self harm. Self harm is a criteria for BPD.
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? Yes, both cutting and OD
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? Yes, more times than i can remember. I havent, however, been back since i was treated on the corridor in front of about 20 other patients, before being moved to the staff room!!! Some have been good, some have been very bad.
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? I tried to quit from the day i started. As i got more and more ill the self harm got worse. I also noticed that the more i tried to quit, the worse it got. When i was in hospital in 2005, i made a decision that i wasnt going to quit, but allow myself, if i desperatley needed it, to do it. I noticed a big difference from around then that i self harmed a lot less. The longest period was the one i messed up today! 4 and a half months!
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? yes. that way, the doctors wont be as inclinded to just label self harmers with BPD. Some people argue it is a symptom of the underlying problem, but ED's are also symptoms, yet they get their own disorder label!
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? The severity of the self harm has definitly increased over time. But to be fair, over a long (ish) period of time. 8 years
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? Yes, but no one can wave a magic wand. It wont happen
Did you ever regret SI? Every day. I have a love/hate relationship with my scars, and it really gets to me in summer!
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? Yes, but in both ways. Some people are completley ignorant of it, and are really scared when they find out. But some, who are more aware of it, just label you off. Ive been called attention-seeking, insane etc
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like na
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
1. Male
2. 15
3. Cutting, Burning, hitting
4. Carefully selecting easily hidden areas
5. a. no idea at all, honestly, and; it was either stop or loose my partner. whey! fun choice...
6. Yes, best friend and partner. one rather quietly, and continuingly so, the other just upset and angry and self blaming.
7. No. n/a
8. Yes, feared that they'd say there was nothing wrong with me and i wasting there time.
9. No
10. No
11. No,
12. I'd say no, I deserved the pain, at times i reakon i possibly even got a rush outta it, and although i've not stopped there's a lot of temptation whenever i'm stressed out.
13. I think SI is a sympton, not a disease
14. Ebbed and flowed, i was never a timetabled harmer, it would increase and decrease depending on circumstance etc.
15. hmm, I think i've fallen in line with the norm of the society, ie if your really fed up with work life and everything, drink until you can't feel anything anymore!... not really sure if that's healthier, but well, it's more socially acceptable.
16. I learnt a lot from it, first aid skills aside, though it could have warped my sense of humour slightly. i'd say on the whole no,
17. Fear of peoples preconceptions effect people when seeking support, family etc, and as you get older, work colleagues, there's always the fear of that if work find out maybe they'll find a way to sack me, then how do i pay the mortgage?
18. Sorry, can't think of anything really
19. ibid
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 12
How do you SI? I cut myself with a razor
Do you try to hide it? How? Yes, i do it on the top of my legs and i always where jeans or long pants
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? I guess i SI because its the only way i an deal with the pain in my life right now.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? I told my parents once and they reacted by crying but pretended it never happend after that.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? No
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? Yes, but i am to afraid to ask for help.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? NO
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? NO
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? NO i havent
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? I did want to quit and i did for awhile but i got back into it beacuse the work in school and my home life was getting way to stressful.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? i dont know.
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? Stayed the same.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? Yes, of course.
Did you ever regret SI? I regret it all the time.. but i cant stop.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? Yes.
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like your a leech sucking the life from me
And i know i let you have all the power
And i realize im never gonna quit you over time.
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? Eh on and off since i was about 13
How do you SI? Cut, medicine, sometimes burn
Do you try to hide it? How? Yes, and the list goes on forever.
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? Being upset, hurt, angry, everything all at once, and I can't be that. I'm supposed to be happy. I made myself happy.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? Yes, my friend chris who at first was so mad. And my 2 school couns. who helped me a lot.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? Yes and so far it has.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you?
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? No
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? Eh, probably.
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? No
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? Yes and I've been free five weeks. I was starting to look awful, and decided it was the best option. I just gave all my razors away to my friend chris for starters.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? Yes and no. It's a disorder because we can't handle emotions, and we have highs and lows, but most of us know it's not healthy, so that makes it not a disorder.
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? WORSE.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? Ugh I def. replaced it with smoking, knitting, and my art. Unhealthy and obsessions.
Did you ever regret SI? No.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? Nope, not really. I think the sterotypes we hear and sometimes see causes that. I'm def. not some emo goth girl, and I've SIed.
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire. SI is an addiction, I think about it everyday all day, and I always will. I've just got to learn to live with it.
Last SI: March 1st 2008
Before that: September 29th, 2007
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? six
How do you SI? cutting, burning, minor ODing, punching things, head-banging
Do you try to hide it? How? bandages, long sleeves clothes, dark clothing
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? it feels amazing. It's like.. in that split second there's only me and the pain and nothing else exists, nothing bad no past no future, nothing in the universe exists, and there's relief in that
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? I told a teacher when I started cutting (at 13) because I was scaring myself - they just told me not to be silly and to stop it. And a few friends know about it, but it's never mentioned.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? I'm not sure.. it's made me remember the sexual abuse I went through.. I'd prefer to still have that repressed to be honest. I suppose the fact that I have someone to talk to has made things a little easier in the long run
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? people already thought I was a freak and I didn't want them to have more things to say about me
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? depression
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? ODed a few times
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? N/A
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? I've never wanted to quit - because it works, basically. I'm convince I will die by my own hand; and I'm good at self destructing really. It's the one thing I excel at, weird as that may sound. However I have been forced to stop for the time being, and I just internalise the bad feelings for now. They'll come out soon enough.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? no - it's a symptom of what's wrong, be it distress or something, but it's not a disorder in it's own right
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? it got worse of it's own accord.. and escalated sharply when "events" happened
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? I doubt it
Did you ever regret SI? nope
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? yes - you get labelled as attention seeking/emo/crazy most of the time
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire. subculture issues with SI? e.g. Goth/emo/other ways to dress, people's misconceptions about the SI not "fitting" with your image
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Yes. Close friends. Reacted quite well, although they don't understand.
Yes. No.
For a while. I was scared.
No.
Never
N/A
Yes. Self harm obviously isn't a healthy thing to do and I don't enjoy it, but I need it, so I've never managed to quit completely. I wanted to quit because I wanted to feel normal again. Be happy and sad and be able to cope with my feelings on my own rather than dealing with them with self harm.
No.
Gradually getting worse.
Yes, but I am yet to find an alternative that gives the same relief.
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 13
How do you SI? Cutting, burning, OD
Do you try to hide it? How? I do, I always wear long sleeves and big watches and never shorts.
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? Because when I do it I get a minute where everything doesn't seem so big and hard. Sometimes it's for control, other times it's for punishment. There are many reasons why I do it.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? My guidance counsellor asked me, my parents know but I didn't tell them, lots of other people found out when I was formed the first time.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? Yeah... sort of. When I started needing stitches and staples I got them and they referred me to people.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? Because it freaks people out, it's easier to exist if you don't have to worry about people constantly asking you how you're doing, I hate lying as much as I hate talking about it and letting real people in.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? I have PTSD, BPD and OCD, I was also diagnosed with ednos last year.Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? Yeah, it's one of the criteria for BPD... I just feel worthless because of my stressor, and I hate my body and it's become a compulsion.
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? Once.
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? A bajillion times, it depends really on the doctor and nurses on that day how you get treated. I find they're nicer to you when you're IP than when you're going in for stitches or with an OD.
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? I do now, it's too hard. I'm seeing a psychologist, a counsellor and a psychiatrist. I'm doing everything they tell me to do, I'm really trying... :(
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? Yes I do.
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? It got much worse with time, I find myself pushing to go deeper, I just don't get the same sense of relief from little cuts as I do from big ones 'proper cuts'.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? Heck yes, if someone would find me a quick fix I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Did you ever regret SI? All the time, I'm this disgusting, tainted, scarred slasher freak.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? Yes, it's become a taboo. Also, now when you hear about someone SI'ing you automatically think 'emo'.
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like.
I think you did a really nice job. :)
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
The very, very first time was 15, I think, but it only became a problem just before I turned 17
I cut
Yes, by keeping the marks covered up
Sadly, with me, it's an addiction. It helps me to vent some stress. If I can't SI for whatever reason, then it makes my feeling of stress worse, and I want to SI even more
My friends, and they wanted to see
Not specifically for my SI, but I've seen several counsellors for my mental ill health in general. And no, it didn't help
I've never wanted to seek professional help. First, because I didn't want my mum to find out (even though that ship has long since sailed) and now I'm reluctant, because I'm scared of recovering
No
No
Yes. I was whisked off to the local A&E, where I had to wait for an hour or so to see a nurse, who asked what happened and placed a temporary bandage on my shoulder, and then told me that I'd have to wait a further two hours to see a doctor to get proper treatment, and when I got given a bed, I was asked if it was a suicide attempt, was told about the danger of using something to SI that's dirty and asked if I wanted to see a psychiatrist. Said yes (even though I didn't really want to), waited another hour for her, during which a nurse came to patch me up with steri-strips. After I finally finished talking to the psychiatrist, I was allowed to go home
Sort of. I tried to quit once, purely because I'd been keeping a note in my RYL signature on when I was cutting, and realised 'hey, I've been almost a month free! I might as well try and give it up =D’ I think it was over a year since I started when I tried to give it up. And as for what I did, I tried to go cold turkey. Not something I’d recommend; I failed spectacularly. The urges came back after almost a month, got stronger and stronger, my self control weakened, and after three months, I gave in, cut, and incidentally, that was when I had to go to A&E
Unsure
The severity of my SI fluctuates, depending on the stress I’m under. When things all went to hell with my mum, I started SIing every damn night, up to fourteen times, and when I got away from her, I was able to slow down, and try and give up, and since I failed it’s gotten worse and calmed down again once more
I’d certainly give it a try
I think so. It worries my friends, and I tend to try and hide in, instead of come out and talk about it. I don’t always feel remorse though, only sometimes
…I’m not sure I understand this question. What I think does have an effect on peoples’ willingness to come out and admit it, is the general misconceptions that float around about SI. I think that without the stigma of being labelled an attention seeker, a lot of SIers might find the strength within themselves to be honest about it, and seek help. The ignorance of those who’ve never been in a situation where they feel the need to SI probably hinders those who do to talk about it (I hope that makes sense!)
cant express myself, bad childhood, crazy family, took all my problems out on myself
a couple of friends back in hs dont really remember what i said, i told a couple of my college friends i used to do it and dont do it anymore and my boyfriend knows and hes very understanding
yea forced when i was younger by my parents so i didnt get anything out of it, but i started seeing a new counselor on my own a little over a year ago and its helping me come to terms with myself
i wanted to seek help for a long time before i finally got the courage to do so
no, but I've been told i have an addictive personality and obsessive compulsive behavior, which is connected
no part of the reason i SI is because of people close to me and suicide, what a coward move
never have, and hopefully never will
i have wanted to quit so many times, i get rid of my razors and keep a journal but it only lasts so long before im back to my old ways
yes then it wouldnt have to be so secretive
gets worse then better then worse then better, depending on how consistently im doing it at the time
of course, but nothing seems to have the same effect
i regret it all the time, i never knew how addicting it was
yea people are ashamed and embarassed and dont want to be looked at as crazy.
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? i SI because i need a realease.It's like,everything bottles uo and is pressurized and SI releases the presure a little.I get a feeling of release.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? I did n't chooose for anyone to find out.Getting changed for games,the other girls saw and one blurted it out to another member of staff at my school,who told my year head.I was forced to see the school councillor which didn't help as i couldn't /wouldn't trust her.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? Yes,via a doctor but couldn't/caan't because of fear of how they would react.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? No.
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? Yes.Several times.
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you?Like i was just any other patient,aapart from putting me in a room on my own and whispering thigns so i couldnt here ><
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? somedays i just can't be bothered to quit because it is such hard work,but te SI leaves me emotionally drained,which is also hard.~I am trying to qyit and have been for the past 6 months so about 5/6 yrs after i started.i find having something drawn on my hand helps,not the heart or buytterfky technique,my own,personal design.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? Yes
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? Much worse.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? Probably not.
Did you ever regret SI? I regret people finding out and that i wasnt more careful,but i dont regret the actual act of SI upon myself,no.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? Yes.it's not aware enough/aware for the wrong reasons and people are too scared to "come out".
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like split some of the multiple questions up?
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.none
How old were you when you started to Self Injure?
16.
How do you SI? Cut, OD, alcohol abuse
Do you try to hide it? How?
Yes I do. I hide cutting myself by doing it on my thighs (which no one ever sees). I hide the alcohol abuse by drinking in private (in my room etc.)
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it?
At first it was a way of expressing how I felt, to control it so no one saw all those bad emotions. Now I do it to cover my feelings or sometimes to prove that I can still feel.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them?
I haven't told anyone but a friend knows because she's on this website. My family know from a suicide attempt. My father thought it was a "fad" you know cuz like all the cool kids are doing it *rolls eyes* My friend understands because she does it herself and was very supportive.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you?
I have professional help but that was originally for depression but self-harm is obviously a factor involved. I believe it's made me learn a lot about myself and how my mind works, how depression works and how to use my life positively instead of getting depressed and hiding away. This in turn has helped me to reduce self-harming - I haven't self-harmed for nearly a year now. I wouldn't call myself recovered though, I'll constantly be in recovery for the rest of my life, but that's a battle I'll have to face.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you?
It took a lot of courage to get help. Fear from not being understood, or put into a psych ward stopped me seeking help. Fear that people would see my vulnerability and use it to their advantage was a big worry.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI?
I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. There's undoubtedly a connection between them both and SI. Depression and anxiety makes you need to cope with a lot of intense emotions and alas self-harm was always there to help that.
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide?
Yes - overdosing.
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you?
The "regular" staff who weren't mental health professionals treated me badly. I felt they didn't understand suicide, self-harm or the reasons behind it at all. They called me selfish and that I only thought about myself, they also suggested I never intended to die but just for attention. The mental health team however I felt listened to me - at first at least. But after the initial help from them they seem to have given up on me now, as I'm not seen as a risk to myself as much however I'm not better. They seem to give up when you're off the critical list, then the cycle starts over.
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not?
Like I said above I am in recovery. Self-harm has never bothered me or I've never thought it was "bad" - to this day I don't see a harm in it as sometimes it's been a survival tactic for me. The reason I gave up was for my boyfriend. He was disappointed when I slipped up and couldn't really understand my "need" for it.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself?
Not really but then I don't think depression or anxiety should either. Often you're not just one disorder you're a mixture and everyone is individual with individual feelings, coping mechanisms and everyone needs a different support plan it's not a clear cut treatment for it. I hate being labelled as "Subject X, Depression and anxiety". I'm a person - get to know me outside of that to discover the root to help solve it not just as a disease.
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same?
I go through spits and spouts. Sometimes it'd be really bad other times I wouldn't self-harm at all.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative?
Probably not - part of the point of self-harm is the pleasure to destructing yourself. The way I saw it I was a bad person and I wanted to die so destruction was a GOOD thing.
Did you ever regret SI?
No - To this day I don't regret it, it makes me who I am.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’?
I think SI awareness has pros and cons. The con is that the stereotype a self-harmer carries often makes it seem an absurd thing to do and you're a freak for doing it or whatever when in reality you're not. The pro is that to come out of the self-harming closet means you can start to help yourself by finding out causes and ways to cope in a different way if that's what you choose and to get support.
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
I think it's good that you want to raise awareness of self-harm but unfortunately some people are too deluded and their opinions on self-harm will often be negative accept to thos who do it themselves. Prepare to be mocked, but equally hopefully helping someone "come out" and get help.
Cutting? 10. Self Injurious behaviors like hitting self, I honestly cannot remember, for as long as I can remember. Maybe always?
Cutting, Bruising, Wound Interference/Scratching
For a long time I didn’t hide it, it was just blamed on me being clumsy. When I progressed a bit more, yes I hid it. Bracelets and watches, and hiding it by choosing to harm in areas I know won’t be shown off.
To cope. To know I can still hurt, to know I am still alive, to stop feeling, to feel and not be numb, punishment, and oddly sometimes – rewards.
Yes, many friends, and my boyfriend. All reacted differently, but all were supportive in their own way. Some I told in person, some over the internet. After explaining it, they all understand. Some I don’t discuss it with anymore, just having them be aware stops me from feeling like im lying. Some however, are the best support system I’ve ever had.
No I haven’t sought professional help.
Yes. This is complex. When 10, I told my best friend about my problems (self harm and suicidal feelings). She felt similar. We supported each other. I managed to pull myself out of it, she couldn’t. The school counselors were all so concerned about her, but couldn’t see that she was craving attention, and they couldn’t see I was/had been, the same, and probably needed help. I was hurt and upset, so I hated school counselors. This has only recently been fixed. Now I want to get help, but I haven’t built up the courage to go to the uni psychs yet. I want to, but im rather busy. But I have promised to do it by the middle of next year. Here’s hoping I’ll do it.
No. Im training to be a psych, so I won’t even think about what I ‘could’ have. Im too personally involved.
No. My SI and suicidal feelings were very separate, in both method, feelings, and timing.
I haven’t, however my mother worked in the emergency room in our major hospital here, and yeah, staff treatment is getting there, but old ideas, stereotypes and a lack of education are still major problems.
Yes. I’ve quit a few times. Sometimes just because I knew SI’ing would make me feel bad and guilty in the long run, so during short exam periods it was easier to fight off the urges, than to deal with the guilt. I went a long time without active self harm. It wasn’t a choice, it just happened. However, SI came back during a difficult time. I would have been about 16/17 when that happened. I decided to quit, for good, around my 17th birthday, due to a funeral of a friend. Distractions and friends support were far more important than holding ice or drawing in red ink.
As a SI’er? No. It is separate, I honestly believe that. However, as someone moving into the mental/health area, maybe. Not because I think it is, but because I think if it was, we may receive better funding, support and public awareness, which is important.
Mine was never very physically destructive. My self control in hitting, scratching and wound interference has increased, but no, not much difference. It was never a daily thing, so I never had to top the previous one to get the same high, meaning I never got into that dangerous circle.
Isn’t that what quitting is all about? Trying to do that? I’ve tried to find things that give the same effect, but nothing does. I think what makes more sense, instead of trying to find something the same, is to change what we prefer. So now instead of cutting, I say, read a cute fanfic or vid that makes me obsess a little. I prefer that now (kind of) to SI.
Yes, and no. I regret that I lost my innocence that way, that I practically have turned into a different person. But no, because it is me, whether I like it or not. And some of my best friends I have bonded with because of this. Love it or hate it, I accept it because it makes sense to.
Of course. However personally, while I know more awareness will stop counselors and teachers, and parents and friends and random people on the street being mean or stupid, making coming out easier, I would prefer people to not know about it. Because if they knew, I’d be ashamed. Like with my family. My mum works in health, so she knows about SI. I don’t want her to know I SI. However my friends, despite having known other people who do it/done it themselves/emo stereotypes, I would prefer to tell them. Because to them it’s just a me thing, not a ‘somethings wrong with her’ thing. I bet that doesn’t make sense, I wish I could explain it better. Despite that, we really need awareness, starting with the health profession and schools, since this is the frontline. Then the general public.
Good questions, however, most of it has been previously covered. Depends on the application of this survey as to whether that’s good or not. Some good questions that made me think, and will probably make a good report.
My answers are in the context that I have been stopped for over two years. But I remember what it was like vividly. Nothing extra to say that wouldn’t echo what others have said before me. Good luck.
~He accepts that ambiguity and compromise are a part of life, but he doesn’t necessarily like it. It’s not his way to dwell in gray areas, not to try and resolve complex situations. And yet, if he’s really honest with himself, this time he doesn’t care. He surrenders to what he wants, not what he must. ~
1. Female
2. 11
3. I cut, OD sometimes
4. Normally with long sleeves/trousers....I don't hide it when I'm with my close friends who know about my SI
5. It's about control, I think that I've been doing it so long that I don't have another way of dealing with things
6. Not deliberately, people just found out, I had to try to explain it at councelling
7. I was referred when I first ended up in Hospital...I would'nt have gone tried to find help on my own
8. No
9. Depression, dunno If that counts really
10. 3 times
11. I got sent there 3 times after I OD'd and a couple of times for stitches......It's awful, because I always feel like such an idiot, and like I'm wasting their time. I've never been treated badly, they've always tried to give me the help I needed...there's always at least one memeber of staff who seems to judge you though
12. I keep trying, but everytime I do, it just seems to get worse......I do want to quit, I just can't seem to find the best way
13. I really don't know
14. Yes, it goes in phases though
15. If it had the same effect, like making me feel in control and stuff, yeah
16. When people found out(it's my own thing to worrry about) and when I've had to miss out on things because of it, in the summer, most of the time really
17. Maybe it's because people who SI are so stereotyped, I don't know
sometimes it numbs me, sometimes it makes me feel alive
yes some of my friends know, my fiance knows, and my therapist knows...it is hard on my fiance, she doesn't know how to handle it.
I have been in and out of therapy...I don't know if it is helping me...sometimes it is just nice to have someone to talk to that cannot tell anyone what I say.
Sometimes yes, when I wanted to SI, I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to be put in a hospital
Yes, I've been diagnosed with DID, I know there is a connection there.
Not that I can recall, but there have been times when it has gone too far
They did not treat me fair. They treated me rough and unfair. *shivers* brings back bad memories
I've tried to quit several times by following the alternatives (like journaling, or staying somewhere public) and this will work for a couple of months sometimes, but it always seems to come back.
Yes
It seemed to get worse with time, like an addiction
I hope so
Sometimes yes and sometimes no, sometimes I am proud of my scars and sometimes I am ashamed by them (I guess it depends on who sees them)
Yes
I think it was fine...good luck on your paper
none
If the eyes had no tears; the soul would have no rainbow
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 11
How do you SI? cut, burn
Do you try to hide it? How? yes, long sleeves
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? helps me get alot of things out
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? alot of people know about my self-harm
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? yes i did, its didnt help at all
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you?
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI?depression and ptsd
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? yes
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? yes, they looked after me
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? yes i did, i stopped it for six months but i couldnt cope without it
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? no
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? worse
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? ive tryed and they have never worked
Did you ever regret SI? yes
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? yes
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 14
How do you SI? cut.
Do you try to hide it? yeah i try to cut in places that it wont be seen.How?jumper if i cut on my legs wil use long socks
Why do you SI? makes me feel better, like all the bad comes out. And if i feel fuilty about something il take it out on my self.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? yeah i told my older sister How did you tell them? she got very upset, made me feel wors didnt help my SI . i kinda had to bretend to her that i was better thaught, as id hurt her enough.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? no as people say the doctor puts SI down on your record, this would effect my chances of geting a job in the future. did it help you?
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? yes, was sgairdIf yes why didn’t you?
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder?nope If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI?
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? yeah.. Only when i get my really bad days!
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? No i havent, ive always dred that happening
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? Yes i have tried, it lasted about a month..
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? no
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? dipends whats going on in my life.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? of course
Did you ever regret SI? every day
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? not sure
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.
If the eyes had no tears; the soul would have no rainbow
