I agree with the others, if you can contact someone to be with you, that would probably be helpful for you. You deserve to have a friendly face with you, as I know this is scary!
I'm glad an ambulance is on its way; I hope things go well at the hospital.
Sorry to hear you took an OD. I'm glad you called for help and that an ambulance is on its way. I'm guessing you're at hospital now, thinking of you. If you read this before you are discharged please ask for more help than you've currently been getting. Dont downplay this, I think it was a suicide attempt regardless of the fact you stopped and got help. You can't ignore how bad you have been feeling, especially surrounding your body image.
Thinking of you
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I'm in the hospital feeling very stupid. I just want to be at home with my dog SO badly. So so badly. And so thinking of that I think this was stupid and I'll never ever do this again and I never ever want to be back here. But then I am in so much emotional pain and now physical I wish it worked.
Thank you. I'm being looked after. Trying to keep calm so I don't feel ill.
Is there a way you can think about your therapist and how you would talk this through with her, if you could? What would she suggest or what would you come up with together to help?
I'm thinking about how your thought process has taken the higher weight than you expected and it has led to you despising everything about yourself. And how that automatically suggests to you that you should die.
As I've said before I really get this extreme thought process, literally just went through an episode myself...it can feel tempting to punish ourselves when we feel like crap. But feelings are not facts. How you feel does not dictate who you are. Feeling crap today does not wipe out the positive comments you got from your supervisor the other day, the hard work you did to remember it and the positive session with your therapist. It is awful I know, but the feelings won't kill you. Stick with them.
As an idea...and I couldn't do this a few years ago so it may not be any help to you atm, but these days when I want to hurt myself I can envision the future of me doing that. I can be aware that it'll mean the pain of healing my cuts, the months of covering them up, the constant secrets, the lies I tell my family by not saying anything to them...and I realise I don't want to be that person. I'm working hard in therapy and every day to move forward, not to sabotage myself. I don't like the me in the now, but I won't like that future me any more either if I do that. If I don't, at least it gives me a chance. As you say, you get to a point when you realise it won't do any good.
What can you do instead? What are you wanting to communicate by OD'ing or cutting? Can you express that in another way? You are strong enough; it's horrid and awful but keep going because it's worth it. You are worth it.
I need to be at home with my dog I asked the dr if I could be discharged and he said no and it got very heated. Our compromise was if my blood pressure stays ok and psych clears me I can go but that Ruby happen until the morning :(
