Look at my join date. I speak from experience when it comes to the sick and twisted aspect of being too emotionally invested in RYL. There's a fine line, but even before you cross that line it is unhealthy. That isn't a judgment on anyone's character, but an observation of what it does to people. I come back to RYL for the familiarity of it and seeing people who know my personal issues without judging me. When I was modding here and when I was an active member, it really was sick. It can get into your soul and stop you from going out and being in the real world. Some people never have a problem with it but when I see people who have posts all over the place it concerns me. When someone posts thread upon thread, even if they are lighthearted threads, it suggests to me that they need to get out more, even if just to other websites.
I'm pretty sure people won't like what I have to say when they know it might apply to them. I said my piece. If anyone who has been here as long as I have, give or take a year or two, has a different perspective, I'd be interested in reading it.
I have to say I'm curious about where the line is? How does one know if they are investing too much time in this site? (This isn't a dig, I am genuinely interested) x
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
Look at my join date. I speak from experience when it comes to the sick and twisted aspect of being too emotionally invested in RYL. There's a fine line, but even before you cross that line it is unhealthy. That isn't a judgment on anyone's character, but an observation of what it does to people. I come back to RYL for the familiarity of it and seeing people who know my personal issues without judging me. When I was modding here and when I was an active member, it really was sick. It can get into your soul and stop you from going out and being in the real world. Some people never have a problem with it but when I see people who have posts all over the place it concerns me. When someone posts thread upon thread, even if they are lighthearted threads, it suggests to me that they need to get out more, even if just to other websites.
This is so true,actually makes me upset in relief that its not just me who feels like that,if that makes sense?x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
so, maybe we need a thread where people can be encouraged to get outside of ryl, like a "what i did new today" thread or a "today i spoke to a stranger/acquaintance that _____" and people try to find someone in real life that they can fill in the blank in an interesting way (with the real life people remaining anonymous) or a "i challenge you to ____" thread where people then go do the challenge, write a quick bit about it, and then leave a task for the next person (tasks have to be appropriate etc)... i kind of think that if we could get these sort of threads going in fun and distractions, they could help people distract in real life and not just distract on the computer.
i am aware that probably most of what is suggested may not happen, especially because it is hard to judge what things people on the site as a whole will catch onto, but i don't think it is bad to throw things out and see what happens.
and i want to thank people for keeping this thread calm. i know these threads happen every few months, and i read them most times and they get much more heated. so kudos to everyone who has posted thoughtfully *hugs all*
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I don't mean to be a negative nancy, but I suppose the problem with that is that with the thread still being here it's still bringing people back to the site for validation, when ideally they would build that up themselves and not need others here to praise it. I know that's easier said than done and a thread would be a good bridging gap, and would be super appropriate in fun and distractions as yes, being able to find real world skills for distractions is important.
But in the end I think it's just something people have to realise on their own, is their use of the site healthy? I know parts of mine are still not as I can get upset by conflict, even when not directly involving me, but I work on that by turning off the computer and, oh, conflict gone. (Not being a mod helps cause I don't have to care about it!). But it is possible to be both a member here and a member of real life and have that as okay.
Crys... I remember exactly what you are talking about.
Anyway, I was going out now so, er, I best do that.
I guess I'm doing something I see a lot (and used to annoy me, annoyingly!) and that is I'm assuming everyone is, or should be, in the same stage of their RYL journey. But there are going to be people who don't have a 'life' developed yet, they may be young or just not experience much outside of their usual routine, and there is nothing wrong with that because each to their own and who am I to judge where they should be?
We can't all be super self-validation machines.
But for those people wanting to develop further, I think your thread would be a great way of encouraging them to develop themselves at their own pace (not the pace I rudely assume people should be at. We can't all be well and that is sad, but expected).
... Your optimism... it's rubbing off like glitter on me ;)
ok, so one thing that has been mentioned (i think) and that i've been frustrated with on past threads like this, is that people come up with good ideas, and even start them, but then they fall by the wayside because it is just one person trying to do each thing. my suggestion is that people who have posted here, and given ideas and feedback, try to support whatever threads/movements/whatever you call its come out of it. for instance, a thread can be great, but they need momentum to really get going, and momentum comes from people posting... which means we need threads to not fall off the first page. i for one will make an effort to participate in any threads etc that come from this discussion to try and give them the "people power" to get momentum going... it would be great if other people who have posted here could try to do the same...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I started a craft-a-long thread for February to try to get different people from different areas involved and have a positive thing going.
Pick one thing you're making. Show steps/process/in progress pictures if you want. Show off. The end.
It's easy to do and making things makes a lot of people feel better. It's a way to have a low pressure thing to accomplish for the month.
There is a HUGE problem with the different cliques around here. Some people don't want to realize that there are bad qualities in their friends. Breaking down barriers will probably help. As will just reaching out to each other.
Not being an asshole helps as well. But, you know.
I don't think repeating on end that there are cliques is very helpful. You can keep complaining about it, but that will only make you get yourself more wound up about it; it won't change anything. Cliques are a natural social construct which will always arise.
Why don't we focus on things we can do to promote inclusion and positivity?
I think your craft thread was lovely, and a great idea.
Amaryllis, i totally have to figure out how to post photos to join the craft thread! i'm working on knitting mittens right now, even though i'm only a few rows in.
i started an RYL scavenger hunt thread in fun and distractions...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I don't think repeating on end that there are cliques is very helpful. You can keep complaining about it, but that will only make you get yourself more wound up about it; it won't change anything. Cliques are a natural social construct which will always arise.
I agree that cliques will always happen and are a natural part of human nature, however how much those cliques choose to take responsibility and prevent others from feeling uncomfortable varies from clique to clique and I do think that even if there is no ill intent people need to take responsibility for their actions ad words, and their effect on others. I'm not referring to any group in particular just think it is something to be aware of as it is easy for a clique to unintentionally alienate people then become defensive if someone outside of the 'group' challenges their dynamic.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Cliques a fact of life. As far as the site goes there have always been cliques - some quite delightful. Some got a little carried away because the site let them and not because they existed per se. A forum like this to me is like a public square. You see people from around the world and find the differences are not as important as the similarities. There are always nuggets of wisdom as well as dead ends. Sorting through them has its merits. You can actually do that better online than in real life. People say you dont know people "for real" online. While that can be true I've found I can often know more that's real about people online than off. I swear I know people in real life for 10 and 20 years and cant say I have a clue what they are about lol. Online I can know more sometimes in a few minutes
I agree that there have always been cliques. I first started visiting self harm forums when I was 16 (12 years ago) and was a regular member of one site for a lot longer than I have been a regular on RYL. There were so many different cliques, as there are on this site too. I do agree with Crys that investing so much time in to sites like these can be negative. I wouldn't use the words sick and twisted but I can definitely see the point being made and agree with it. These sites can be so dangerous for a person's mental health when they are vulnerable. It's all about finding the right balance. I've definitely struggled with finding that balance in the past, but it is important to take a step back and really think about the site and what you actually gain from it, in terms of helping you to be mentally healthier.
More specifically related to the cliques thing though - I've seen several cliques on this website over the past 4 years, some more dominant than others dependant on how many members are included in any one clique. But they happen, and they will always continue to happen. A clique will disappear and another one will blossom in the blink of an eye, and there will always be members feeling left out or irritated or intimidated by such cliques, if they think the forum is being taken over by them.
I don't think that it should be ignored just because it always happens though. I think we all need to recognise that RYL is a community for ALL of us, and to be honest I don't think there is anyone that needs reminding of that. We all know this. But we cannot ignore that the clique thing keeps being brought up time and time again. It obviously upsets people and I think everyone needs to accept that and all come together to try and find a solution. There's no point in beating about the bush. There are several members here who think that there is a clique on RYL that is almost "taking over" RYL, so why aren't we all being mature adults and discussing it together to try and work with each other and bridge any gaps that people feel there may be? We ARE a community after all. Why can't we work together? There are so many things being bitched about on here and left unsaid when there is a chance for it to be said in a constructive way.
I don't think anyone in any clique that people feel exists, intends to make people feel the way they do, and I don't think the people upset by these cliques intend to single out these members in a hurtful way either. It'd be nice if everyone could be constructively honest.
I didn't fully read the thread in question that led to this thread being made, but I know that it most probably stemmed from a difference in opinion that in itself has stemmed from different cliques "clashing". I don't know if I'm the only person making that observation or not.
To be honest, I may have just babbled so much bullshit, but wanted to try and piece together my thoughts as honestly as I could. It would be nice to try and bridge some gaps but I guess people need to remember that in the real world, not everyone gets along with each other. There will always be different friendship groups formed that will naturally clash with each other, but maybe on RYL, we could learn to be more understanding of each other and somehow reach middle ground
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