I did it because the cuts felt like my only companion...
I did it to try to stay sane...
I did it because I did not want to forget...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
"I want to be magic. I want to touch the heart of the world and make it smile. I want to be a friend of elves and live in a tree. Or under a hill. I want to marry a moonbeam and hear the stars sing. I don’t want to pretend at magic anymore. I want to be magic."
I cut when I feel so out of control anger wise that I'm scared I'll do something worse. So it's for control and self preserving and anger management I guess.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
For me, self-harm was to feel something that I could control and to push unwanted feelings away or to disperse anger that I was afraid of. It was so that I could maintain and uphold the pretense that I was fine and to give me the strength to get through the day with a smile. Self-harm, I think, began as a cry for help but is now something I would hide (I think showing scars is different to crying for help, for me, anyway) as I don't want to hurt anyone. It's addictive and gives me a breath of fresh air, enabling me to feel calmer and have everything in perspective a little.
Hurting myself was a way of punishing myself and, when I was in great emotional or physical pain, it was a pain that I could deal with because I had caused it and it would be a distraction. The pain helped me and was something to focus upon to push me through difficult times/experiences/memories. It was also one of the only things that didn't let me down and stuck by my side whilst others caused me a great deal of torment.
i cut because it seemed to be the only rational way of dealing with my mind - i took something invisible (my thoughts and feelings and emotions) and made it visible (even though nobody every saw)
it was more for me to see than for anyone else
it was my way of processing things i couldnt process in my head so i just tok it out on myself instead to save me having to really deal with anything on any real level
The Soul Would Have No Rainbows If The Eyes Had Shed No Tears
[Laurel Burch]
Believe in yourself and your dreams. For when you do. You can achieve anything!
I went through a lot when I was too young to understand.. It was traumatising and I dealt with it on my own with SI.. I then developed to not be able to deal with any negative emotion ecspecially anger. I just wanted to scream and break things / people, but I couldn't so I turned to destroying my body..
It depends. I do it for different reasons.
Sometimes it's because I hate myself and I need to let me know that.
Other times I feel like I'm in a daze, and everything is sped up and slowed down. Harming myself brings me back from that scary place.
And a lot it's because I can't handle anything around me, it just takes away some of the stress, if only for a second.
When I do self harm, I need to see blood, for any reason. It only really works for me now when I see it.
I did because I was in a lot of trouble. But I haven't in years, literally in about four years I haven't. But recently, I've been thinking of going back. Everything seems to be affecting me or depressing me in some way. I don't want it anymore.
Last edited by [Purple_Rain] : 23-11-2012 at 08:32 PM.
Reason: please do not post intentions to harm yourself at a specific time
I don't really remember why I started.
But after a while it just used to make me calm.
And it was something I could control.
I could tell people, or keep it a secret, it made me feel safe to have something that no one else had an influence over.
If I was feeling sad, angry, guilty, anything, I'd cut myself because then I could focus on the pain and zone out - put myself in a dissociative state I guess.
For me it started as a control and a focus thing. I was being bullied and couldn't focus on anything, and by harming myself I could take all the anger, pain and self hatred and use it to benefit myself. It slowly became purely a way to focus myself, because I do find that if I don't focus myself on something I have a tendency to drift off and my mood will fluctuate drastically.
You're better than this. Breathe in. Breathe out. It'll be okay. I promise. Just don't forget to smile :)
The funny thing is,
nobody really ever knows how much
anybody is hurting.
We could be standing next to somebody,
who is completely broken,
and we wouldn't even know.
I self-harmed because I felt angry at myself. I wanted to make physical what I felt inside, so I put marks on myself. I felt that I deserved it for being so wrong in everything I've done, and that the balance between the inside and outside would make things right. I hated every inch of myself, and I wanted my body to reflect that.
My self harm started as a way to control the pain i was receiving. i was in the Marine Corps and while away for training my ex-wife was not the most loyal of people. i found this out while away and during training i had the job of heaving heavy canisters of tnt and other explosives out of a storage container ever day. while doing this i would get "injured" because my mind was not on the task it should have been and the injuries actually helped me focus...brought all the screaming down to a pin point of pain that i could see..touch and i knew where this pain had come from..how it was caused..and if i wanted i could add to it..it carried over into my civilian life where it has changed due to circumstances but is still there..
mine is that i love someone who will never love me back, we used to hang out, now he ignores me, i didnt do anything wrong, i wish i was good enough
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
To punish myself and to show the world how much I was hurting.
Also, I sort of thought (and maybe still do think) that there was something terribly romantic about cutting oneself, like I was living a scene from a really artistic, dark film.
Don't let them tell you "f***ed up" isn't fine:
There's like a million kinds of crazy and I kind of like mine.
I self harm because - I do it when my body is being controlled by these strong, powerful voices which tell me to self harm.
Also I self harm to let my emotional feelings out by physical pain
Love From Meera xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
I feel a lot of hate towards myself, and who I am. I'm angry that I can't be smarter, or I can't be more attractive, or I don't have any useful skills, or that I can't have anything that would make someone else want to be around me. So it's partially punishment, because I feel I deserve that pain for being what I am, and partially hating myself for being unable to change those things about me.
~Hiding Amaranth
"Just because you know my name
Doesn't mean you know my game"
~Marina & The Diamonds - "The Outsider"
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
