I love you, Jodie. Please, please come find me in Chat or PM me if you ever need to talk. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you're mentioning - I don't have all the answers or a magic potion, but I have a big love & care for you.
I'm so sorry that you're struggling Jodie, you're having to deal with things that would greatly test anyone, but you will make it through. Anniversaries are so hard, reminding us of things we'd rather not think of, I know I struggle with them. But you've come through so much, that's a testament to your strength and resilience. Sorry I'm not great with words, but you're in my thoughts, you're a wonderful person x
You are a lovely, fun, kind and supportive person to those around you so please let people support you! I am always here at the end of a PM if you need anything and I will do what I can.
Anniversaries are just hideous but you can get through them if you allow people to help and support you!
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
im not great with words
but i hope the coming up months past quickly
and i wish i could do so much more to help i really do
hugs stay strong and keep ur good friends close
young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly
she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............
Oh Jodie love, I'm sorry I've only just seen this thread (Well, that's a lie, I saw it this morning and was going to post, but then was almost late for work. They shouldn't be so mad, time technically doesn't even exist, BUT WHATEVER)
But, yeah, I do love you. I really do. You are honestly one of the kindest people I've ever met and you deserve so much more than this. You deserve to be happy and free from all this shit that's destroying you. If I can do ANYTHING, you know I'm a PM/text/phone call away and I am not great at the advice thing, but I will try for you and I am good at listening and am good at cuddles if you'd like me to get a train to you to give you a hug then leave again, that's fine :3
Much love for you Jodie, so many people love and care for you, I really hope one day you realise how much you are worth <3
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
love you jodie :(
i'm a bit useless atm but im always here if you want a chat.
and you are NOT pathetic [or anything else negative you might say about yourself] <3
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
This is not your end. You're stronger than you know. <3
it's the choices we make.
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Love you Jodie <3 I know I'm pretty shit at being helpful and I often say the wrong thing, but I hope you know I really do care, and want to help. Just tell me what I can do, yeah?
Would it help to write a letter to your mum, either for mother's day, or her anniversary? Tell her how much you miss her, and how much the box she gave you means to you, and tell her about all the amazing things you've done in the past 9 years?
Do you need to go back for the last HIV test? I'll help you arrange it if you want. And I know from my stalking that you're insistent on taking the blame for what happened in April. I just want to reiterate that it was not your fault. Making impulsive decisions does not invalidate your right in the actual moment to say no. No means no, and I don't give a crap about anything else that happened that night leading up to it; he shouldn't have done anything once you had said no. Try to put at least some of that blame and dislike onto him; the person actually responsible for what happened.
And I'm coming to your care coordinator appointment on Tuesday, if that's OK? Rhetorical question, I'm coming. I'll tell her stuff. With your permission.
Also, I haven't seen you since Tuesday; I think the world might end =S *clings* I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, and please don't think you have to put on a smile for me, I'd much rather you were honest.
I'm really sorry I haven't replied to this sooner. I've either been too low, or else out and pretending to be fine (which makes me zzzz so when I get back I'm too exhausted), or b/ping/restricting so don't have the focus. There have been good days/moments too, which has been nice. And I think it's important to reflect on those moments because they are just as valid and important as the negative thoughts. Or at least, they should be, and by acknowledging them, I can make them important.
I have spent a lot of time with Jenna and F and I feel as though they are friends and I feel safe and happy and able to enjoy myself. I even ate out and it was (stressful but) great. I enjoyed it. Actually enjoyed it.
Jenna, I like the idea of writing to my mother. I think I'd enjoy that. I have just written to my granddad (the non-pervy one) because he sent me a letter after I got out of the unit telling me things that really helped me feel validated. So I replied and that felt nice.
I did not go back for the HIV test. Nor do I want to. Though I should. =/ Don't know. No means no. I know that logically. It's just hard to remember it when I think about the situation and how it created itself. <3 thank you.
We're in March now. I feel okay for now.
I'm very aware April is coming. And I'm getting more and more unstable as it approaches. I'm trying to fake okay but not sure how long I'll be able to hold the facade up for. Every day I feel persecuted and fucking terrified that someone will get hurt.
I have an exam timetable and they're all in May, at the start. How on earth am I going to revise for exams when I'm battling my mind?! 'Sorry I didn't do very well, professor, I was busy keeping a scary Man from harming my friends on a daily basis'. Don't think that will go down too well.
I'm purging and cutting a lot. I don't want to but it's like if I do that then nothing else can happen/be sensed. I wrote in my r/v:
Quote:
"The world is a scary place. I feel safe within these walls. Even if that means being self destructive. Thing it, it makes me safe. Shoving food into my body, cutting and bleeding out - it takes all the senses. And if all the senses are occupied they can't be subject to evil. If my eyes are full of online videos, my tongue with food, my hands with packets, my ears with crunching, my skin with blood, then I'm not thinking about that or Him or anything other than the present. I can purge out the bad thoughts I suppress or bleed them out of holes. Then the high hits and I can rest: calm."
And it's true.
I had my hair cut and it makes me face look fatter. I want to cut my cheeks off.
I just wanted to send you my love and to let you know that my house is always open for visitors.
Saying that, I'm moving the week after next and we are about to go into show week so I am shit busy with stuff like paking up the entire house and bullshit. Our landlord is a dick basically and we have found a nice new flat in Hendon.
Anyway, back the the original point, as I have been so busy, I have only just seen this and I am sorry.
Love and hugs and all that mushy stuff.
:] <3 xXxXx
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
I don't really know what else I can say to support you as I agree with everyone else who has posted already and I hope you can really see how many people care about you and want to support you so you can feel happy and safe again.
I've really enjoyed meeting you for coffee last week and I hope you and Jenna had fun at the party you went to afterwards :), I'm also glad that you're finding being with Jenna safe and are able to enjoy yourself.
I know that we're not close but if you ever feel down and want to send me a message then feel free to.
