Thank you guys <3
I'm feeling pretty unsafe again. I just...I don't know what to do anymore. Am I blowing what Adam did out of proportion? I mean...he didn't technically cheat on me which is what people keep asking if he did...but it's as good as right? I mean, part of me thinks it's worse in a way; if he'd gone out and got drunk and slept with someone; maybe I could have dealt with it...but he actually went out trying to find these people. I just hate the fact that I finally brought up all the stuff with my ex with my care team...and I am going to start counselling to get past it; and I was doing it all for him. So I could be in a relationship with him...so I just feel like an idiot. It's all my fault because I can't have sex. The flashbacks are too strong and the nightmares are too raw...what guy would stick around?
Sorry you guys. I'm just struggling a lot today.
x Katie x
Hugs so tightly. Honey I know its a hard time- just keep talking ok?!
It is as bad as cheating honey. He ha betrayed your trust and he has been unfaithful to your relationship.
I think what you are doing to try to get over your ex is amazingly courageous hun- but I think its more important for you to do that for yourself- it is would have benefitted your relationship that is a bonus- but you deserve to get help and support for it. I really hope you are going to carry on with it hun.
OK- I won't say too much hun (get panicky talking about my past)- but there are guys out there who would stick with you throughout all of your struggles and trauma hun. I found someone who has stayed with me through all of my difficulties, including a lot of intimacy issues. You deserve someone who will stay with you and be faithful. To love you for who you are- no matter what. Thats what you deserve. That is what you will find one day hun. I am sure of it. They are out there.
Here for you hun- Keep fighting xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Family are now involved. I stupidly ranted to my brothers girlfriend about stuff in general [not about attempts or stuff] and now my brother is just demanding I move back to my hometown. Immense.
Things may have just, if possible, got a hell of a lot messier.
I saw at random today you helping others and now you have another dose of things to deal with how can you manage both sides of the fence here? Heck good on yah however.
Maybe this will lead you down a better path once family cools off.
Oh darling. I am so very sorry. They can't make you go back home can they hun? My mum said the same thing after my last attempt- but then realised that it was not what I wanted and left me to stay where I was.
Cant you explain that it would make things worse? x
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
thank you writtenscars <3 I don't feel like I'm managing anything; let alone both sides of it all.
It's just my brother at the moment, so hopefully it's as far as it goes. They can't physically make me, and I'll probably be able to tell him it's best if I stay here because of my care teams etc. He's just doing the normal big brother crap that's been missing from my life for the last ten years but somehow is in full force now. All I'm worried about is that this is going to ruin Christmas.
Perhaps its a Christmas of new beginnings even just with your brother. Take the new found big brother love and mold it into understanding.
I'm glad its not the whole family on yah.
Well- I am stumped for words.
I have tried to reply 6 times so please dont mind me.
I'm sorry this is adding to all the shite atm hun. I know it doesnt help when people try to get too involved having not been involved before. I hope that your bro backs off and understands that you need your care team and your space.
I am sure it wont ruin christmas hun- just stay positive that it will be ok. It shouldnt need to be a part of christmas unless you want it to be. x
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Question if I may: Do you find helping people here helps you also? Sorry for sounding so basic in principle but your view would be nice to hear. This is what I was referring to as both sides of the fence. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sometimes it helps - but then sometimes I think it only helps because I'm blocking out my issues and not dealing with things. I'm not sure to be honest.
So, erm...I'm not going back to my parents for Christmas now. My brother is flipping out about the stuff he knows and is demanding I move back to my home town still. If he wants that he'll simply have to come here and drag me because I'm not doing it.
My friend didn't contact me today about meeting...feeling kind of let down. Thought she knew how badly I need support right now; but no.
Talked to my CPN; it went okay. He's gonna call on Wednesday because that's the next time they're open now.
Crisis called but I couldn't answer - I'm an idiot. Left a voicemail to call them back but I couldn't.
Ad is still at his parents and I am currently sat at the house with the doors locked and bolted so even if he does come back he can't get in. I don't want to see anyone right now.
I need to sort my head out - I guess this is kind of the self-preservation thing people always talked about.
I know it's gonna upset my mum and dad about Christmas; especially as any occassion is always the one that could be my dad's last. I can't face it though.
Work called; my manager wanted to see how I was because they got the report from OH - she wants me, her and the director of HR to meet on Fri 6th to talk about stuff. I have a feeling this is going to be the; 'maybe you should quit?' talk.
I am so very lost and alone right now.
x Katie x
Im sorry youre going through a lot and everything just seems to be piling upon each other. *offers hug* i love you. you can do this thouggh. can always pm me if want or need katie :) Here for you.
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
Huggles- Sorry about repeating myself in the other thread, I should have read this first.
Are you really sure about christmas honey? What will you do instead? I know it will be hard hun, but if you are true to yourself- do you really think you will be able to keep yourself safe?
Its ok to want to preserve yourself hun and I am very sorry your friend let you down. Its like a kick in the teeth. Please keep fighting. Your sounding quite defeatist- I hope thats not the case.
Cuddles tightly, xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I feel pretty useless right now. I'm at my boyfriends parents house because they were going crazy with worry. I feel safer here - my ex had been in contact today and I was worried what he was going to do.
Me and Ad are trying to sort things out as best we can. I think I'll be here for Christmas Day - at his parents I mean.
I have no words at all right now. I'm alive. I just...blah.
x Katie x
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
