Other people at the meet: Goddd, Claire is such a bitch, I heard she had sex with a sheep. I wish I could give her a slap.
Me: dudes, that's a bit harsh, I'm friends with Claire, and she's really nice, and I know for a fact that she hasn't had sex with sheep
Other people: geez sorry, I'm sure she's nice really. *awkward silence*
*conversation moves onto something less controversial*
ClaireR, I was referring to Claire (TheOneWho), although I have heard rumours about your sexual antics with animals....
On a side note, call me paranoid, but I believe the last meet you attended was one that I was at. If you have a problem with my behaviour at all, please do feel free to PM me, and I'll try to explain myself :)
RYL meets always are and always have been a gossip fest. Of course they are, when a group of people get together and the main thing they have in common is this website, of course theyre going to talk about whats going here.
If its something that makes you awkward, say so, unfortunately the mods cant fight your real life battles for you.
Youre absolutely right of course, people should be mindful of the way they act, but a lot of it we can not police, in the same way, i have foud that at a lot of meets, people talk quite candidly about their self
harm/feelings in a way that might not be appropriate to read on the website.
if someone has made you very uncomfortable, do report it, but bear in mind, we dont act on things without proof, so unless a whole bunch of
people come forward, its unlikely theres anything we can do.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
I operate on a policy of "I wont say anything I wouldn't say to their face".
But then I don't really say people should go die. It's healthy to vent with friends who know what's going on - but there is a line that shouldn't be crossed, but again, that line is subjective.
It is difficult for some people, I agree. Or, it's possible at some times, and more difficult at others, if they feel threatened. I guess that's what happens with a whole bunch of different personalities, especially with the nature of a site like RYL.
P.S. I mean that sensitively. That is what I experience from myself.
Last edited by whirlpools : 15-12-2011 at 09:57 PM.
I don't really do meets. I've been to one and there's not likely to be one I go to in the near future (no offence to the people I was with on the meet!) but there's always a possibility but that's not what I wanted to bring up. Basically as well as that, people have their own sense of humour, people get on really well with some members than others and there may be in jokes with them people or things they can joke about which may sound like they're bitching about that person with a group who don't know. Same as some people use a lot of sarcasm and other people don't understand sarcasm at all or don't use it and may take things really literal. There's a lot of things that come into it and so it's hard to say that x is where you draw the line and also, I'd just think of it as going out with a group of mates. If you think about it like that then you might bitch to them about someone else you all mutually know to some extent but so long as it doesn't hurt anyone then it probably doesn't matter, it's human nature.
One thing for instance I might say (and might've done on msn before!) is "God Kim (Bitter_Angel) never does any work on First Aid, she leaves me to do the whole lot whilst she just sits around enjoying life and being lazy" and yep, atm I spend more time on FA than Kim but other times the opposite will be true. We both get on well, often are talking to each other on msn and txting. We joke at times together about her not being on as much as me but I know the reasons why she's not on as much and thats fair enough. However, if I said it out loud at a meet people would more than likely think I'm bitching about her and stuff because people don't know each others characteristics, the whole story (and tbh on here you only ever get to find out a small portion of what someone's really like. Most people on hear will probably know I'm a First Aid Advisor. Many will have guessed that either currently/ in my past I'll have had something to SH or similar. Those who look at my profile may see I'm a vet. Some others may have picked up my health's maybe not ace. Then there maybe be the odd bit more and more still that the staff know but it's still only a very small part of 'me' that people generally know about me from being on here and the same about anyone else and that'll affect how we react and how others percieve we react and what we think may be personally acceptable may seem the total opposite to others because of how they grew up or simply not knowing a lot about the people.
I have been to several meets years ago. Sponsored one as well. I found them to be okay, but personally speaking, as horrible the content is to hear when someone bitches about another member, its a good way of learning fast who not to trust! Then again, this site is made up of first impressions, some of which become more than that, but many do not.
For this reason, I try to see the silver lining in people trash talking another. Its a damn good indicator of a persons morality if for example they freely admit they have never seen that person or had direct conversation with them.
It can be awkward, but you have to either stand up and say that it's not fair, or put up with it if you're not prepared to say something. I'm not saying its easy to do that, but this is the way the rest of real life goes.
People at meets should be more courteous and considerate when around people they have never met, but the fact some choose not to be says a lot about them rather than the person they are bad mouthing.
Its awkward but not something the mods should have to be policing.
For this reason, I try to see the silver lining in people trash talking another. Its a damn good indicator of a persons morality if for example they freely admit they have never seen that person or had direct conversation with them.
I also found that it was quite good for giving me a heads up about people who I didn't know that much about. Sometimes talking about other members can be a really good thing, as you can find out if there is something you should perhaps be aware of... I'm not wording this very well, but basically this website relies on a huge amount of trust and whilst that's a good thing, sometimes people can be too trusting, and hearing somebody say "Oh, X did this and that a few weeks ago, it really broke my trust with him", it can give you a heads up that there may be something there to be aware of, even if it doesn't directly affect your relationship with them.
Do you not think?
Not saying I advocate bitching but a. I think it's natural and b. I think it can be a decent reminder from time to time that people on this site aren't perfect.
Last edited by Dreaming. : 30-12-2011 at 10:26 AM.
I have been to several meets years ago. Sponsored one as well. I found them to be okay, but personally speaking, as horrible the content is to hear when someone bitches about another member, its a good way of learning fast who not to trust! Then again, this site is made up of first impressions, some of which become more than that, but many do not.
For this reason, I try to see the silver lining in people trash talking another. Its a damn good indicator of a persons morality if for example they freely admit they have never seen that person or had direct conversation with them.
It can be awkward, but you have to either stand up and say that it's not fair, or put up with it if you're not prepared to say something. I'm not saying its easy to do that, but this is the way the rest of real life goes.
People at meets should be more courteous and considerate when around people they have never met, but the fact some choose not to be says a lot about them rather than the person they are bad mouthing.
Its awkward but not something the mods should have to be policing.
Pretty much this.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I'd rather someone came up to me and said "You're a bitch, this is why." I'd accept that, probably apologise if I was genuinely being a bitch, even if I didn't mean to and move on from it.
But overhearing something being said about me when there is no logical reason as to why I'm being bitched about, that's not fun. It hasn't happened at meets (so if you have bitched about me at a meet, which I'm sure must have happened, well done on keeping it discreet :P ) It's bad enough for it to happen to anyone, let alone members of a MH website where most have an intense feeling of self-hatred and lack of self esteem.
However, it IS nice to go somewhere and get people saying "I used to think you were a bitch/scary/bit of a dick, but after speaking to you properly, you're actually nice!" Because, believe it or not guys, I am lovely ;)
But yes, basically, just think about how you would feel if someone else was talking about you like you are talking about another member. Not fun.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
*talks about Jodie*
SUCH A BITCH.
jokes, love you really <3
And tbf, bitching is always going to happen at meets, and sometimes the claims will be unfounded. Sucks! But at the end of the day, I'm much more hurt when my actual friends bitch about me behind my back, instead of letting me know they have a problem. What a randomer who knows nothing about me thinks is of little consequence.
