I'm wondering how much more things can fall apart.
I've just been discharged from the ward and it's a relief to be out of there but I haven't been allocated to my key worker at the day hospital because he's too busy, so I have someone else which makes going their essentially pointless. The PALS guy and myself have both requested I get him and we've just been ignored. So now I have zero support.
I got a weeks supply of medication which is what I've been waiting for so I can OD. The only thing is I don't want to end up inpatient again. I'm now going on holiday with my little sister for the weekend so can't OD until I'm back anyway.
& and to top it off I've gained weight. Hurray. But I did at least get my laxatives back.
Sorry I'm really struggling. The PALS guy (Alastair) said today he was getting as sick of the NHS as I am because no matter what he tries on my behalf he can't seem to get anywhere. Out of frustration I phoned a private psychologist that I know of who is extremely good but he said basically going private wouldn't be good for me because of the money & he's just raised his rates to £125/session. I can't go with a regular therapist because of the severity of the dissociation & PTSD. I've just been discharged from a regular psychologist after 10 months because she just didn't have the skills to help.
You say you have been allocated a key worker and, even though it is not the one you had hoped for, it is still someone. I think it would be wise to go and speak to them. If nothing else, they can at least strongly advise you see someone else.
It sounds like PALS are on your side here, so do keep liaising with them.
I know it is always hard to come out of inpatient and a lot of places are very bad at ensuring continuity of care (hence large number of readmissions) but you can get through this. Keep fighting your case and corner.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I've just spoken to the person I was allocated. Turns out it was a blessing in disguise because she said things are too complicated/have been too messy and I need to slow down so I can stablise rather than trying to deal with everything at once like I normally do (housing, uni work, family, mental health, admissions, referrals etc.) and I know I'm really bad at going slowly and relaxing. So that's the plan. Along with an ED referral hopefully. My other key worker is very intense and we would end up doing two hour therapy sessions daily, which is probably a bit too much.
I don't feel like I need to OD now
I'm going to be seeing my sister tomorrow which is gona be mega hard & triggering re abuse issues but it should be nice to. Freaking out about uni work but whatever.
Hugs Im glad it went better than you thought. I agree taking things slowly is a good plan it can make things much less overwhelming when broken down. Sorry low on words but keep goingxx
I'm struggling with my eating & weight a lot, I'm totally exhausted and behind on work but it was so nice to be at home for a night & not in that damn hospital.
Oh & I'm about to get on a train to see my little sister & have 4 whole days away from the NHS/professionals/hospitals. YAY. Hopefully I'll stay safe.
Last edited by when.will.it.end : 06-08-2011 at 11:55 AM.
Holiday was a nightmare. I found out my 8 year old sister is SHing & it makes me want to die. Eating has been erratic. I *still* haven't OD'd at least. I'm so pleased to be home.
Am sorry your holiday didn't go aswell as you hoped and am sorry to hear your sister is sh-ing. Though i am very glad that you haven't od-ed. Feel free to pm if you need to katie.
I've just been asked if I'll marry my friends boyfriend so he can stay in the country and get a visa. They said they'd pay me. Everything in me is screaming no but I can't see a logical reason why I would say no. Why is my life so freggin' complicated?
Say no. For one thing it is illegal and could get you into a lot of trouble and secondly, why doesn't your friend marry her boyfriend? You really don't needed added stress at the moment.
I am glad you are out of hospital although like everyone else, I wish you were feeling a little better and I am sorry to hear about your sister.
...she also needs someone to marry I want to say no because, like you said, I don't need the extra stress and I'm trying to reduce the drama in my life not add to it. I'm feeling extremely low about everything but for **** sake need to stay alive/out of hospital to get my exams done next week.
I just wanted to send some comfort and support your way after reading through this thread. I'm so sorry that you've found out about your sister. You need to remind yourself though that it's not your fault. I don't know what your relationship with your sister is like, but maybe just try to encourage her and show her that this route is not a healthy one to take.
I agree with everyone else. The marriage thing would add so much more to your plate, which you clearly don't need right now. Focus on yourself and getting through these bad patches. Take each day as it comes, and don't think too much in advance about your exams. Hopefully once they're out the way you'll feel a bit more relieved of some of your worries.
I'm glad you've not OD'd, you've done really well :) *hugs*
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
I'm feeling so so low today, & fat. Sorry I feel like that's all I say. I ate too much last night & then took way too many laxatives.
Thank you for the hugs & kind words. I've calmed down a bit about my sister after I remembered that I saw her doing this kind of stuff when she was a toddler so I don't know why I was shocked. It breaks my heart though and I do feel like it's my fault. & she's just so young. If she'd been protected from our Dad this wouldn't have happened. I did everything I could but I couldn't stop it.
Progress maybe?
I want to say no because, like you said, I don't need the extra stress and I'm trying to reduce the drama in my life not add to it. I'm feeling extremely low about everything but for **** sake need to stay alive/out of hospital to get my exams done next week.
