broken bones - Page 2

Margo · 21-07-2011, 12:56 PM

If I show offline in the evening try and just message hello and I may be around!

I am wondering if this its in some way related to me breaking my arm?

I think you will be ok. Its your head trying out new ways of trapping you into believing you can't move forward and perhaps metaphorically get a "grip" with your feelings and emotions.

You smell xxxx

quiet1 · 22-07-2011, 03:30 AM

why are evenings more difficult than daytime?

i told my bf about my desire to break my wrist and he wasn't shocked by it or anything. although he knows me pretty well and said that what i saw was traumatic.

i have to admit that i have continued to try and hurt myself. i don't know if i can stop trying until it actually happens. distractions help a little but when it goes on and on for days/weeks i start to give up the hope that the urge will eventually go away. i feel like it won't unless i act out my obsession.

my other worry is that i will not get a job this summer for september. i feel like a failure and i would rather self-destruct than have others tell me i am not good enough.

blah

pea soup · 22-07-2011, 03:02 PM

hi there,

i completely understand the urge to break bones. it took me years before i came to that stage but i got there.
PLease DONT.

I have purposely broken 2 bones and they will NEVER be the same. my right arm wasnt "supposed" to break as bad as it did. but once you go that far, you never know how bad it can be. and my ankle healed with only a cast but months later found that I had to have surgery to repair ligaments. it was HORRIBLE. I've had surgeries before but none that painful and will have arthritis in that ankle and in my wrist(close to where the bone broke in my arm) for the rest of my life.

I know that SI grows until broken bones seem the only thing left and you seeing this injury happen to someone else must have been a huge trigger.

I honestly dont know what else to say except that I KNOW from my experiences that it may seem what you want/need right now but the regrets will completely outweigh what you feel right now.

Thinking of you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

quiet1 · 22-07-2011, 05:25 PM

thank you for your reply.

it is baffling how SI grows into this monster that i cannot tame. i am trying to keep in mind the fact that it will ruin the rest of my summer if i actually break my wrist. that is the only logical thing i can manage right now to combat this thought process. that means that i will ruin my camping trip in august. and i really don't want to do that.

being stuck in this obsession is torture. grr.

Margo · 22-07-2011, 05:34 PM

Personally i dont think you are ready to go back into work this September. Current difficulties and breakthroughs in therapy clearly show this! If you did get a job for the term would you honestly be able to say you could give them your best?

Try hard to take the hands of help! Reach out! You cant possibly reach with a broken arm and reaching is something you desperately need to do right now.

Go to Cuba and catch me a Sailfish! Just dont let it get eaten on the way back!

quiet1 · 22-07-2011, 07:54 PM

Americans can't travel to Cuba unless they have a special license. Sorry. I'll have to get that sailfish elsewhere.

my therapist did suggest that i wasn't ready to go back to work, but how would i know unless i try? i can be a stubborn one on occasion.

i feel the weight of the darkness closing in again. i don't know how to determine my self-worth in any other way except for my job. and since i don't have one, i have no self-worth. i know it isn't supposed to be like that but i don't know how to change it.

Margo · 24-07-2011, 05:50 PM

you not read the old man and the sea?

Perhaps the self worht thing is something you should really work on as a sideline in therapy, not avoiding the serious **** thats come up!

I struggle with self worth. On a scale of 1-10 id always put myself at 0, however my friends and family seem to disagree. I may not believe them by sometimes i can believe the sentiment.

You have worth to me cus you are my friend and you make me laugh and you are as synical as i am and i like that. Im sure to those closer you have 100 times more worth.

Your job will not take away the pain. It will not give you self worth that will last.

Consider volunteering maybe. Tell your friends and family you feel worthless and see what they say.

You smell! xxx

quiet1 · 25-07-2011, 02:49 AM

*blushes* i've never read old man and the sea. lol
it was never required!

i have to say that i do tend to dodge key issues in therapy but a good therapist should guide you back. sometimes mine doesn't. that is why i am seeking some other therapy.

i have applied for yet another job today and i am feeling slightly hopeful that it will at least give me a call back.

still want to break my arm and coincidentally my close friend just injured her wrist and triggered me all over again.

all i can keep telling myself is that i will ruin my camping trip if i hurt myself. and i do not want to ruin it. i love camping.

and then i will catch you the biggest small mouth bass you could imagine!!!

your smell made me throw up a little in my mouth :P

Margo · 25-07-2011, 11:18 AM

Its your session so ask! Dont forget that you have hit a really delicate time in therapy and you need to be treated gently and at your own pace. This is why the sessions will meander im sure.

I want a sailfish! ?Not some stupid tiny mouthed thing!

Your smell is sooooo bad they just cancelled all flights here as they fear the toxic cloud could affect vital mechanical parts!

quiet1 · 26-07-2011, 03:16 AM

i have therapy tomorrow and i plan on talking to her about this obsessive stuff. and maybe i will try to work on some key issue stuff...maybe. i never know how i am going to be when i am there. sometimes she talks a little bit about "stuff" and i go away to my spacey place. those are the times that she gets worried and backs off and we have to change the subject to something a bit lighter.
Today was a really rainy depressing day. i slept for most of it. i feel like a loser.

small mouth bass have very large mouths actually! but i'll try for a sailfish, anything for you!

oh and by the way, your smell is so bad that my kitty just passed out from the fumes. poor thing!

Margo · 26-07-2011, 12:25 PM

Next time take in some paper with a list of things you want to talk about. just hand it to her. She can keep it for reference and you can go back to it when needed.

Sometimes theraspists need guiding too.

Casper_Fading · 27-07-2011, 09:07 AM

Heya, don't have much to say but i understand the wanting to break a bone. I tried and never did and now have accidentally broken my ankle (same one >.<) twice and was told a week ago that i'll have arthritis in a few years and chronic pain for the rest of my life and i'm only 26! The image of me doing it plays on repeat in my head too and my psych said it's almost a ptsd thing. It's a very traumatic thing to witness as well. Talk to your therapist about it, I can almost guarantee they wont bat an eye at it! I'm sorry things are so rubbishy for you at the moment and I do hope they pick up for you!