Someone tell me I'm being stupid.

[makedamnsure]

Is it sad that the only thing that stopped me cutting last night was the fact that I had no suitable dressings in the house?

I could go out and buy some wound care stuff today but trying not to, because I know if I cut I want to do it badly enough to need stitches and its not worth the hassle right now..

[Hemlock]

It is a hassle. Remember what a pain it is to try to work or go to school knowing there's a dressing on under your clothes, driving you bananas with the itching? Trying to find a comfortable position to sleep?

And if you cut badly enough to need stitches, that's an expense, too. In fact, I added it up, and when I was cutting the worst, it cost me almost as much to keep up a first aid kit as it was costing me in cigarettes. I have mad money now that my cutting has slowed down. Just a thought.

I really hope you're doing okay. If you want to talk, I'll be around off and on all day. I'm at work, but I will get back. :)

[makedamnsure]

Everything built up and I was a real mess last night.

I'm not sure which is better, to be honest.
When I cut I can at least get on with things, I can revise, I can be polite and I can function. Yesterday was mostly spent in floods of tears unable to do anything at all :/

I do feel kind of proud of myself that I didn't cut, because I really really wanted to. I was in such a state my boyfriend even gave permission because he said he could see how much I needed it, and I still didn't do it.

In a lot of ways now, the more I want to Self harm, the more determined I am NOT to. I know if I had I would have felt instantly better, but then been a bit disappointed in myself today.

But still, I wonder if it was worth all the tears I cried and the upset I caused everyone else by being so stressy and snappy?

Its such a horrible choice to have to make.

[Tig]

I agree, it is a horrible decision to make and it is incredibly painful to not self harm.

When I stopped self harm I found it emotionally painful because my (bad) coping mechanism was taken away from me which left me aware of my true feelings. I guess I didn't have anything to hide behind or to focus on. However, in my experience it does get easier. You start to learn more effective coping skills and in time they will replace the self harm.

Well done for not self harming. It may make you feel better for a short amount of time but like you said, you are likely to feel disappointed in yourself later on.

Here for you x