I've changed my mind about my answer now. Today someone did actually offend me. I was changing after going to the gym (and I'm quite proud of the fact that I've actually been able to do that without having to lock myself in a cubicle) when a lady started talking to me. She indicated my shoulders, which look pretty nasty at the moment, and said "what's that? Do you want me to pray for you?" I immediately said no and she said "You see I'm a Christian..." but I cut her off and said "and I'm a Jew". Then she said something like "so you know that God heals" or something like that, I wasn't really listening I was just so upset by it. I have utter respect for anyone's beliefs of any, or no, religion but I hate the imposition of them on anyone. A friend of mine who is Christian has offered to pray for me before and I didn't mind that because she knew me, understood my religious beliefs and asked whether I would be comfortable with it but this woman really annoyed me even though I'm sure she meant well.
Sorry, ramble over.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
I am so openly honest about mine if someone asks one to one that it usually freaks them out, they go silent and never mention it again.
Last night i went for a works meal and worse a short sleeve for the first time. A couple of people there knew already but most didnt. I could see people looking but no one said anything. One guy who is 80 suddently asked me across the table what i had done to my arm. I just told him i fell off my bike and carried on my conversation. No one batted an eyelid :P
The way i see it now is that i put them there and the more open i can be about it the less ashamed i feel. you know what? Its working!!!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I was washing my horse today and had to pull up the sleeves, because I didn't want to get the dirty shampoo on my sleeves.
There were 2 people staring at my arm. I bet they are surprised, because they all think that I'm this suuper happy always laughing always in a good mood person. It's almost funny.
If they ever ask I'll lie and tell them that I stopped.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
I have a few medical scars, including one that goes around my neck. Some lady in the queue in the shop the other day, turned around and stared at me for about 5 minutes, not hiding it or anything. That annoyed me. Fair enough if she was curious or thinking the worst, but I would rather she said something like 'excusse me, do you mind me asking what happened to xyz'
The same with SH. I would rather people asked. That way, they give the control back to me. I can decide how much or how little I want to tell them. I can fob them off with an excusse, like 'you should have seen the other guy' or I can be truthful, or just say something like, I went through a rough patch and this is the result.
I don't think anyone has the right to stare at parts of your body or ask intrusive questions about it. People act like bodies are on display for their consumption and amusement, but that is incredibly intrusive and stupid. If people can see my scars it's because it's too hot to wear long sleeves. That's it. It's not an invitation for them to ask questions.
I do think it's a good idea to raise awareness about self-harm and I wish it wasn't such a taboo subjecy, but by making some of my skin visible I'm not inviting people to have a discussion with me about it. So yes, it does offend me.
That said, I work with animals which is a pretty handy excuse for the scars in the most obvious places, but I still don't appreciate being asked.
Actually i would punch them repeatedly if they asked. then i would roll them in custard and put hundreds and thosands all over them and release a swarm of wasps and flying ants to attack them.
hmm well maybe.........
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
^ Fantastic idea although you'd have to lug a lot of custard around with you to be prepared at all times. Do wasps like custard?
I've just moved to a new place and at work I've noticed a couple of people looking, but nobody's asked yet. I think I'll be honest if they do ask. it depends. I might follow up with a personal question about them though, something like 'do you mind if I ask how your eyebrows got to be so wonky?'
Каждому, каждому в лучшее верится,
Катится, катится голубой вагон!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
^ hehehe... Or 'when did you first feel the need to wear your sunglasses on the underground?' (That's one I want to ask to almost every person in Milan.)
I don't like custard - it's too yellow and slimy, I don't trust it. But I'm not a wasp.
Каждому, каждому в лучшее верится,
Катится, катится голубой вагон!
I might follow up with a personal question about them though
There's one old dear that keeps asking me how I got my scars on my arms; her persistence annoys the absolute smeg out of me. I'm so tempted to go up to her one day and ask her when she went through the menopause.
Last edited by Jefferson.Meriwether : 11-04-2011 at 07:51 AM.
Its a good question - on the one hand, I don't mind talking about it with STRANGERS - I figure its a great way to challenge the stereotypes and bad stigma out there. But I keep my scars hidden and prefer not to talk about them most of the time. My family doesn't know and it would cause trouble for me at work. I am careful who I talk about it with.
I don't really mind people asking.
Mostly they are just curious, and or worried about me.
But unless they are a close friend I would lie. I'm lucky in a way because my scars are faint, and not obviously SH so I don't get asked often, even though I don't hide them, and when I do get asked I can make up a feasible story.
I'd be honest with friends. But most of them know now anyway.
But around some people (family, martial arts instructor and medical professionals) I always hide my arms because I don't want them to guess the truth and think less of me.
I was on about my third week of training with my then new dance partner.
You probably all know the script...
He stopped suddenly and said 'what's that?' and I said 'what's what?' laughing at him. He points at my arm and goes 'that big scar' (referring to the keloid scar - one of my worst) on my left upper arm.
Immediately I went all knee-jerk and said 'it's a burn from when I used to work at Burger King'. Fine.
But then he says 'you've got another one on the other arm' (looking at my right upper arm).
Given I've been SI free for 4 years my scars are somewhat faded and white as the skin has healed, but a few of the bad ones stand out if you look close enough.
So my 'story' that I'd regularly churned out in my more visible days was somewhat under-rehearsed. I stumbled through the imaginary accident I'd had whilst working at said fast food restaurant, cleaning the fryers whereby my protective gauntlets did not cover enough of my arms, how I'd reached right down behind the fryer to pick up a dropped cleaning cloth, forgetting that the edge of the fryer I was leaning over was still hot and my exposed skin on BOTH my upper arms similtaneously made contact with this edge and bingo. A lengthy, but suitably detailed to be true, excuse.
You can see why I'd had to rehearse this for all those years.
So having not been asked for a few years, this surprise inquisition caught me off guard and I probably sounded pretty unconvincing.
But he bought it (I think? I dunno, I never followed this up). And the irony? He's a doctor - an F1. He could have easily noticed exactly what it was. Maybe he did? I'm guessing he didn't, otherwise things would most certainly be awkward now.
So yeah, that was weird.
Last edited by BorderlineJiveQueen : 11-04-2011 at 11:08 PM.
Reason: Punctuation
I haven't really showed my scars only tend to when am in a quiet place or ... well thats it really but last week it was really hot and i had a strappy top underneth my jacket so i took my jacket of. I was walking along , in the part when i man was coming towards me on a bike i knew from about 5meters away he had seen them as he stared as he biked i got a bit... uncomtable ( sp? but i blame the early morning ) so stared a little back at him, he had a good staer as he biked past and even after he still turned his head to look at me. I would rather again he had asked about them.
It's really interesting to read everyones replies and opinions on your question, which by the way...was very good. I have dozens upon dozens of scars, most visible during summer months...and I just attribute them to 'accidents" or "gardening mishaps" and everyone once in a while I use the ole "fell thru a plate glass window" scenario. Lies ? Yes. Do I feel akward each time? Definitely. But no one yet has asked further...I manage to hide or position myself so as not to have my arms bearing the scars like a flashing neon sigh saying "look here.'"
This line has helped me through many episodes in life....
"our scars have the power to remind us the past was real."
this site has so many wonderful caring thoughtful people on it...visit often okay?
Candy Tetris
Mahjong
Othello
Mumu
) so stared a little back at him, he had a good staer as he biked past and even after he still turned his head to look at me. I would rather again he had asked about them.
