Contains Abuse - My Daughter's words....

[Merc]

Wondering what has been happening?
xxx

[~Grace~]

Are you in a position to beable to update? Hope all is well with you xx

[Nats]

Hi all,

Well it's been a stuffed up few weeks.

For starters we had to live in a cabin park for four days. Then moved into a really nice house with The Girl and my Dad and signed a twelve month lease for it.

Then on Tuesday The Girl and I got court ordered back to Victoria. In a few weeks we won't have any home in this state, I have no job and if The Girl does not disclose what happened to someone official I will most likely be deemed delusional and her father will become the primary carer!!

So The Girl who loves her new school has been whisked back here but the house is half packed up. I have no idea exactly about how to fight this.

The lawyer in the other state did an appalling job. I have an appointment with another lawyer but it's all really up in the air. 1st March is the next court mention and the hearing begins on 8th March. It's not much time and the reality is I have a very small chance to be able to protect this girl. The rotten reality is that only she can protect herself even though she just doesn't get the seriousness of any of this.

She wants to go back interstate to her other home - although she was really thrilled to catch up with a close friend today. I'm really scared now guys. Any really excellent lawyers out there who specialise in family/children matters who live in Melbourne?

[Nats]

Well we are back to the state we started in. It's amazing how much harder it is being here. My beautiful girl has become more unhinged since we've been back.

Today Dad went to our new state but will be back again late Monday night. I feel utterly lost without him. When did I become so emotionally dependant on another human being?

Things will happen in court and I have been working hard to build a strong case to make sure that only supervised contact happens and so that we can both return to our new home where both of us were doing much better than we are now.

I've got an extension to stay in this house until March 27th. After that we will have to move into my mothers house. I'm not coping as well being by myself. I had no idea how much having Dad around kept me feeling much stronger.

Losing this house is going to be so tough on my little girl. It's awful trying to help her when she is lashing out at me at every opportunity. I have to work really hard to engage with her but when she unleashes her anger I feel helpless and angry at the world, at him and at me for not being more protective before now.

I'm luckier than hundreds of women in my position. I'm articulate and educated and have not lapsed too far low to function and fight. But it's hard with the grief, confusion, anger and feeling lost to focus. So far so good. Dad's back on Monday and I don't want to tell him how much harder this all is without him. Just have to take this day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute if needed.

I have my music and that helped today. I have lots to do to collate documents, statements and my affidavit. This is the most important assignment I have ever had to do.

I will try during my down time to record more of my songs. I want to make them available to all of you. They are songs about healing, self love and determination. I have no idea how to download them for everyones availability but hey it may end up being a task that is therapy for me and hopefully something lots of you can get something out of.

I love this little girl sooooo much and just want both of us to be free from the emotional , psychological and now for her the sexual abuse that has plagued us for so long.

[Casper_Fading]

Have you spoken to Mission Australia or the Salvos about support? I think they have groups that can help and stuff but i'm not 100% sure. I had a friend who worked for the womans shelter here but I think it works differently, but i could ask her if she has any ideas? But Mission and Salvos should be able to refer you to others.

I'm glad you have your parents to lean on, it's important that you let them help. I don't know how to help with the way your daughter is reacting but I know that there are people out there who can help you manage.

*much love*

Jess

[crazykat]

I don't really have any advice but I'm thinking of you *hugs*

[Nats]

Hi All,
Sorry I have not kept you up to date but I have been working really hard. The lawyer situation is a nightmare and there's been some really tough times.

The girl is mostly ok. Lots to tell you but too tired to go right into it now.

We lost our home in late March. We are staying at my Mums house. It's a long journey to school from here.

The next court date is 29th April.

Just want to have a personnel and selfish whinge. I am so damned tired!!! I feel drained - emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

I am drinking too much have taken laxatives twice in the last week and feel as though I am slipping away.

I feel so scared and helpless and sometimes so damned sad and other times so damned angry. I feel overwhelmed and well just so all over the place.

I hate the evenings. They are soooo long! I am starting to find it hard to engage with my princess and I just want to curl up under a rock and be alone for awhile.

I also feel guilty about how I am feeling. I need help!

[Nats]

Hi all,

Quick up-date. Court yesterday was just awful. I have been using the journal section on RYL to write to my daughter - one day it might help her.

It's pretty well all over now. From June 14th he will more than likely get his time back plus an extra night a fortnight.

There's a lot to sort through. There's also another site I have started to use that offers mutual support for others parenting with someone like my daughter's father.

The judge was horrific! His mannerism was belittling, minimising and surreal!

Thanks all of you for everything. I will keep you in the know and try to be there for you all more.

My psychologist is wonderful and last week she got really teary. That helped since I was absolutely howling.

My adoptive mum and natural dad - also an invaluable source of love and support.

Must go now!
Love to you all.

[~Grace~]

Hi Nat....im so sorry it ended that way in court...its ridiculous.
Im glad you have your psychologist and your family there to support you
And this other website sounds good.

Was just wondering, will there be anyway of appealing at a later date?

Take care hun and thanks for the update xx

[Casper_Fading]

You can appeal hon. You can always appeal. It will be okay. I'm so glad you have support around you!

[flutterby butterfly]

thinking of you, wish i could help. loads of love to you. Even tho we can't be there I can honestly say we're here for you. xx

[The Midnight Crazies]

I agree, appeal the decision. I have to wonder though, and I really hope you don't take offense...but the first warning that he slept naked with her why didn't you leave him back then? The sad truth with abusive people is that it never gets any better, just worse. I wish you best of luck.

[Mandimoo]

anyone know what is happening? have been worried bout this.