The Painful Fall After the Great Run...

[pea soup]

PMDD has majorly kicked in and turned me into a monster. i hate it!!!!

i just want to feel better damnit!!

[Pomegranate]

Is there anything you do that helps when your PMDD is playing up? Do you have any stuff of Keith's you could look at to try and lift your mood a little? Or maybe playing the wii with Kaleb or Kelly (I am crap at time differences sorry) or something? My old P.E teacher used to tell us all that PMS was no reason to miss her lesson because doing some exercise would help with almost all the symptoms (I didn't really like her very much though :P )

*sends hugs/chocolates/hot waterbottles* xxx

[pea soup]

thank you Emma.

no, its not PMS. i can deal with PMS. but pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder is different. it comes about a week before my period. i never had it until after i had Keith. i guess my hormones changed. it's basically all mental. i have no physical symptoms except the urge to SCREAM!!


on another note...today sucks already and its only 9:48am!!

i got a call from my social worker saying he cant come today :( i needed him today but he is coming tomorrow right after i have 2 teeth pulled. he asked me if i'd be able to talk!! ummm...yeah, i like dental work...i get the happy gas,lol.

so after that, i got paranoid about my GP appt. and called to confirm it was today. NOPE!! this was their mistake and theyve made it quite often. they had me down for feb 11!! so ive rescheduled that too for an earlier time. so now im sitting here with music blasting in my ears and have taken muscle relaxers because the fibromyalgia is acting up, i guess due to the weather or just due to it being fibromyalgia :(


I had the desktop set as one of Keith's pics. Kelly took it down, thank god. she didnt even ask..she just knew that me sitting and staring at it was driving me nuts and she knew i couldnt take it down. bless her.

i want to cry. i usually say i need to cry but i actually want to right now. im listening to Cher, lol....lots of sad stuff....no luck yet.

our house has NEVER looked so bad or been so disgusting. its ridiculous. and i have no energy to do anything. the life has been zapped out of me plus the fibro hurts and so does my ankle. our freaking christmas tree is still up. and the kitchen is gross. Kelly is going to have to step up. im sorry but im going through **** right now and i need her to be the person who says "ok, i got this". ive done it for her plenty and its annoying that she's my shadow. and she's admitted it. she's so co-dependent that if i go to bed..she does too. she cant be zalone for a few hours?? i know she's ill too and i feel bad for feelibng like this with her.


ok..i just want to yank out my uterus and beat the **** out of it. i dislike being a woman...grrr...

im done.

[pea soup]

meh....going to bed., having teeth pulled tomorrow...

[pea soup]

4:35am.....

ive been woken with nightmares and cant go back to sleep. i tell you, its one thing after another.

kelly is understanding better that things are bad for me right now.

i wish 8am would get here so i could get these teeth out. theyre driving me crazy. and then at 11, i can see my social worker. there's my day.....how sad.

im sad too.very much.

there is a hole somewhere...but i dont know where. my emotions are leaking out. but i want to keep them. i want Keith but i cant have him.

i want out of this hell. i dont know how i did it before. i cant remember....

[pea soup]

had the teeth out. i was doing well until the numbness wore off and now i can feel a sharp piece of bone irritating the inside of my cheek. i called the dentist and they told me that sometimes when molars are extracted their is a small sinus bone gets broken.

apparently thats what has happened. its a huge trigger for me.....the feeling that something is cutting the insides of my cheek. they said it would work itself out or my gums would grow over it. im to go back the 25th for 2 fillings and they said they would see if anything extra needed to be done :(

i dont mind dental work but sitting here with something constantly cutting into my cheek is way too much of a trigger. ive had one dissociation today.

i hope to god the flashbacks dont return. i havent had one in almost 2 years.

im so scared....

[~Grace~]

Oh Rachel, i can understand how that would be a trigger for you.
Im sorry this has happened...any chance of getting an emergency appointment to see if they can remove it?
Hope you can stay safe hun xx

[Pomegranate]

How are your teeth feeling now Rach? How have you been doing apart from that? *squishes* x

[Casper_Fading]

Call your dentist and tell them you need to get it sorted as soon as possible cause it's affecting other aspects of your health. Lobe you honey

[~Grace~]

thinking of you hun...havent seen you about of late and hope youre ok
sending love xx