Crossroads

[Margo]

My environment is very bad for my mental health. that said its a home and its safe and i dont have to pay for lodging. When i saw the crisis team in july the girl who saw me rememebered comming out the previous year and she recalled the house. She said it wasnt good for me.

Therapy is the only time i have someone to talk to. aside from the chit chat at home and coming on here there is no one else to talk to about anything other than just trivial stuff. The girls at work are great but you dont want to tell them your **** all the time.

I made an appointment to see the fitness people next friday. I may be able to get some help with gym fees or somethig and id really like that i think.

A holiday would be great. Id love that. Im always happier when im away form here.

Yesterday and today i burned myself on the kettle. Just minor hitting my arm against it one it boiled. Didnt thiikn it would mark but now i have a burn about 4 inches long.

I had a dream i hit my mother last night. I hit her4 hard in the face with something after we argued again about how she never came to see me after my OD. I woke up feeling ****. Ive had anxiety a little today, and i feel so lonely. Got a cold starting too.

My arm stings *sigh*

[makedamnsure]

I know I don't post on here much.
But you are being really brave. Hang in there.

I think you know that moving forward is the right choice.
But its scary, and so maybe you are trying too hard to hold on to it.

Good luck with the fitness people.
My nan got a free membership to a gym for a year because of mental health reasons and it was the best thing she ever did. Join a class if you can rather than going it alone. I do martial arts and I love it. Find something you enjoy, whether its swimming, yoga, whatever and you will feel loads better.

Is there any steps you could take towards changing your home environment? Even if its just redecorating?

[PoisonedApple]

Since I agree with most everything already said I'll leave it at *hugging the penguin*

...Also, Matthew, I think you business goal is awesome. I would totally go to your therapeutic center :)

[CagedBird]

I hear you. I may not completely relate to your family environment but I get the need for safety and financial security.

No, i agree you can't talk to ppl at work about serious stuff. I have 'friends' outside work but I rarely talk to them and when I do it is never about anything serious. I do understand that sense of isolation...my family are very supportive but that is restricting in itself sometimes because there is a great need to be 'fixable' which obviously is becoming more and more obvious is a not an overnight job!!

I tried to go to the gym this wk. I got told they were putting new equipment in so it was closed. I gave up. But i agree with you when I start, soon hopefully, it'll be useful. If anything it means somewhere to travel to other than work! My whole life seems to entail travelling, the longer the better. Sometimes I'm glad I have to travel in total 4hrs to attend therapy each wk because it gives me something to do. ....That is embarrasing to admit to!

It sounds like you have a lot of anger inside you. I hope you talk to your therapist about your recent dream, it sounds traumatic as a dream let alone as a real life situation!!

Btw - why can't you go on a long wkend holiday? Sorry most of this post ended up talking about me, I'm pretty self indulgent tbh. I ain't gonna lie

[Margo]

Yeah anger would be about right. Pretty angry with lots of people actually. All family. *sigh, thanks for reading.

If i end up going to the gym we can spur eachother on to keep going!