The difference between reality and nastiness.....

[All I know is falling.]

I do agree with this.

I tend to very honest when I'm replying, and I try to challenge what people are thinking. But, there's a nice way to be honest and challenging towards somebody. There's also a rude way to do it. I've seen people challenging others and being honest with them, but then putting "big deal you're feeling like that, so many people do." Comments like that aren't helpful. Being honest is, being rude isn't. You can still be nice and give good advice and perspective (not sugarcoating things) without being rude. It's just finding that balance.

[Bleeding Angel]

I dont think many people are actully being nasty though, yes some are, but what the op means and is saying is people reading replies thinking they are nasty when no rules have been broken and its not, some people dont want to hear the truth.

[The One Who]

Being text, how can you really know how the message was intended? I might read something as being rude whereas another would see it as fine.

Also, unless you know the person involved you cannot possibly know whether they just want hugs or want some proper replies, especially if they don't say in their post.

[Alone and Scared]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainbowStripes.

"Big deal you're feeling like that, so many people do."

Yeah, and this is just blatently rude and a no go area, I agree. x


The thing is, there is nastiness and cliquey type rubbish that goes on here and I am not referring to that at all; I find it unacceptable and unfair. What I am referring to is someone questionning someone or the way they are behaving or choosing to live - because by posting for support, actually you're going to get that, and it's the best kind of support really because it gives you the most to think about....?

[Hannah Montana]

I agree with Heidi. It is possible to tell it how it is, without sounding harsh. Its all about the use of language. And it is sometimes necessary to inform a person, of something that they don't really want to hear. I'd expect that kind of behaviour from any good friend.

[Dreaming.]

I think it would really help if we could try to put more emphasis on explanation in text. Some people want hugs and somebody to say that it's ok to feel like that (although I kinda disagree that that's what the emphasis of RYL should be about, since I think it can do as much damage as good) - but they need to express that, I think. It's certainly not easy, but if you're posting on a support forum asking for help, I think the basic assumptions is that you want help, not comfort - and they are two different things, although they can intertwine.

I remember somebody saying something about people being more descriptive in thread titles - saying "I need help, I'm struggling with x and y" instead of saying "I need help" *trigger warning* - it's just about expressing yourself in a way that makes it more productive for you and easier on the rest of the forum.

Aside from that, everybody else has pretty much hit the nail on the head I think.