I really dont know what I could do, there isnt another way for me to go to avoid the bridge, all I can think of is having music turned way up and speeding past the bridge to get to my appt safely but that's probably not such a good idea (the driving dangerously)
Texting may help but you have so much on your plate right now you dont need me adding to your burden, but thankyou *hugs*
Oh it wouldn't be a burden to have you texting, you have my number sweet so text if you feel it'll help you. It mgiht be good to arrange that you text me when you get there, that way you know you have to pass the bridge because you have to text me. (I don't know, but sometimes those commitments help me). Certainly turning the music up mgiht hep too, and maybe just sheer determination of "i will not stop here, i will keep going" and repeat, repeat, repeat.
I hope you can discuss these feelings with your psych <3
Is there anyone out there? I promised my psych that I wouldn't kill myself and I dont break promises, but I'm finding it really hard to keep this one, and I dont know what to do. Help? Please?
Ended up calling the crisis team because was really really on the edge and dissociating a bit, she was pretty good, took some meds and had a sleep which helped a little bit. She also called my psych who said to offer me a bed in hospital, but even if I wanted to I couldnt go in there are no beds except for A&E...
I did feel a bit better after I had a sleep, unfortunately now the screaming in my head is getting harder and harder to ignore and I'm getting scared again. I dont know what to do, if I call again theres not a lot she can do, I kind of want to email my psych but dont know what to say.
Supposed to be seeing friends tomorrow I really dont want to go, I dont want them to see what a mess I am right now.
Hey Ally, I am really really proud of you for being so proactive and calling the crisis team, and that they spoke to your psych and discussed a bed. And also that you took some meds and had a sleep, I'm proud of you for taking all these steps towards keeping yourself safe, I really really hope you can acknowledge yourself how strong you are and how good it is that you did that, you should be proud of yourself.
Perhaps writing an e-mail to your psych (even if you don't know what to say at the moment) would be a good idea, provide you a distraction and perhaps a chance to relieve some of the thoughts in your head. Whether you send it or not depends on what you write, (I'd recommend you do though!) but it sounds like it'd be a beneficial task.
What do you mean when you say you don't know what you want any more?
I understand the fear. Please, try and keep yourself safe, you have clearly some amazing skills in this areas as you've demonstrated and I know you can do it. Love you sweetheart, don't give up xxxx
I wish that I could acknowledge it as well but I loathe myself, everything about myself, I cant see anything that do as a positive let alone be proud of myself.
I'm trying to write an email, just cant seem to type anything at all. I want to explain what's going on, but it doesnt even make sense to me so how can I explain it to him?
I mean that I dont know if I want to live or die. I want to live for the people that I care about and that care about me, but I also want to be selfish and die for me because this hurts so so much.
I'm trying not to give up, I really am, I just get scared because I dont feel in control even though I'm told that I am. Lost.
I understand. Please try and always focus on the people who care about you and love you, even though you might not want to, try and train your brain to think of that as it is important to remember people care about you. I know I do :) You're such a beautiful person, I know you cannot see it, but it is true.
Don't force yourself on the e-mail, maybe just do some free writing. See how it goes, see what you get out onto the screen. Even if it doesn't make sense.
I know you don't feel control but what you've said here has shown that you are, and you're doing a great job, so keep it up, keep doing all the little (and big!) things that help you to keep safe and occupied.
I know how that goes with the writing. Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes lyrics help, other times it's just a matter of waiting or doing something else until you try again.
thinking of you.
i really am and am hoping you are doing alright.
you deserve much congratulations of rcalling crisis team... that shows you are so determined.
well done. i suck at words and support... but i am thinking of you and am hoping you are okay.
i am always always always here xx
Good to see that you were able to find the words to tell him how you are feeling. I'm glad the person who is triage tonight was able to help you. I suck for words right now. How are you feeling now?
