I really don't like them... They were exposed for a while in Biology because I thought they were faded well enough. I had to reach to the sink to put water in a beaker and this kid just kind of stared at them... I felt sick and quickly hid them when I could... I guess the lighting just emphasized them...
"You've used and abused me, but you will NOT destroy me!" Alice Liddell. Alice: Madness Returns
I love them in the same twisted way I love cutting, its a physical manifestation of all the crap inside, they're war wounds.
I hate them in that in most company I always have to wear clothes or accesories that cover them, and when Im with friends who I can reveal them with, I have to censor the photos that might go on facebook, because my family or other friends may see.
I hate restrictions, and I hate how bad they can sometimes make people feel just because of what I've done to myself.
I would say that most of the time i hate them, hate looking at them, hate hiding them, hate seeing what i have done to myself. When i am feeling down and look at them they make me feel worse. When i want to look nice or have my arms/legs exposed and see them it makes me feel horrible
At the same time they are part of me and part of my life and what i have been through....sometimes in a weird way i am proud of them
I have a very ambivalent relation to my scars. Most of the time I hate them and and wish they'd go away. I've started to develop a very uncompromising attitude towards them, and don't really hide it well anymore. (I don't show of cuth though, that would be wrong towards others). During the sommer I wear t-shirts and just let the people stare, the scares will stay around forever and I just have to get used to it. I do try to cover up while in school or if I'm visiting someone - I don't feel right about imposing them on others. But out in the streets, at concerts or at in my own home - I don't care.
Like I said, I hate those scars most of the time. But there are some days were I wish I'd be covered in them. In a way they're a part of my personality, and they make me "different" from a lot of the other people. But I must add that I never cut for this reason, the scars are just a product.
"You monkeys grinning behind your bars — I’m more at home with the winds and the stars."-A.C.
I love them in the same twisted way I love cutting, its a physical manifestation of all the crap inside, they're war wounds.
I hate them in that in most company I always have to wear clothes or accesories that cover them, and when Im with friends who I can reveal them with, I have to censor the photos that might go on facebook, because my family or other friends may see.
I hate restrictions, and I hate how bad they can sometimes make people feel just because of what I've done to myself.
Its 50/50.
This.
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
I hate them, but I know if they started to fade, or disappeared completely that, at this moment I'd be upset.
Maybe when I quit SI for good I will change my view. I hate my arms, scars or no scars, but I've started swimming, and apart from a few stares, it's been okay.
The scars on my legs are much worse, and I do, actually honestly hate them. I'd have them removed in a shot.
I can't decide. I don't want rid of them all, at the moment, I think I'd feel unsafe, but I don't see me liking them in 10m 20 years time.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
mostly it depends on my mood. i feel like part of me is slipping away when they fade although i hate that i've done that to myself. what lungs locked lips locked said
Quote:
I love them in the same twisted way I love cutting, its a physical manifestation of all the crap inside, they're war wounds.
I hate them in that in most company I always have to wear clothes or accesories that cover them, and when Im with friends who I can reveal them with, I have to censor the photos that might go on facebook, because my family or other friends may see.
I hate restrictions, and I hate how bad they can sometimes make people feel just because of what I've done to myself.
Its 50/50.
I can fly, I can fly among the clouds
All I need are a pair of wings,
outside help, and a little faith
You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently.
Love Gives Me Hope
I hate my scars, completely. I see them and just think how people would react if they saw them, there's no way they could be passed off as accidental *sigh*.
I tend to think of them in the same way I think of tattoo's. I kinda like mine but then I haven't received any negative comments etc from people (Just the occasional stare which doesn't bother me in the slightest.), I might start hating them if I started receiving a lot of crappy comments etc.
I use mine as a reminder of what I used to do and looking at them has made me stop wanting to SI loads of times. So I guess I both love and hate them, I'm scared of what I'll do if they fade though... so I think I'm rather attatched to them.
Most of the time I like them, especially the healed ones because it shows there IS recovery somewhere.
But when I'm in a situation where I can feel people observing them, staring, questioning... then I really hate them.
If someone ever says to you "You need to stop thinking so much," call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have. If you stop using it, it will atrophy.
My feelings towards mine change almost on a daily basis.
My older scars that are white i have no feelings toward really, they're not particularly visible and so i dont really mind them. The ones on my wrist i like. They make a pattern and as sick as it is i like the pattern they make. I sometimes wonder though if this is more to do with my OCD than anything else.
My newer scars from my recent episodes i swing from detesting them to thinking they're nothing to wanting more. Like today i was out shopping and all day i've hated them and wished them gone and my friend caught a quick peek when i was in a changing room and i've never been so embarrased and ashamed. But sometimes when i'm low or feeling bad then i wish they were worse, i want to make more and i get slightly obsessed with them and can't stop looking at them.
At the moment though i'll admit i'm pretty unwell and i realise these are not normal perceptions of things. I'm hoping once i'm well i'll be able to gain some perspective again.
i dont really mind mine. they are just sort of... there. i get frustrated having to hide them on a daily basis and continue applying mak eup to them coz its innapropriate for my workplace.
but at the same time, i made them, i gotta wear them. i think hating them would just add to daily frustration. they dont bother me too much and i wouldnt get rid of them nor woudl i choose to keep them. that view changesbut not dramtically.
I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about my scars in front of family or friends anymore, but when strangers comment or ask about them I feel humiliated.
"Where ever I am I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else." - Angelina Jolie
