Triggering - The Tales Of a Broken Heart.

[Delirium.]

So, I went to the ocean,but whited out

now the sounds of the waves are coming back into my mind and it brought me to a place i never thought I'd see again.....

She smiled with a twist an extra curl to her lip and her long hair fell across her eyes making her cheekbones appear even more crimson 'Hey D?' I glanced at her and nodded 'I just wanted to tell you...' i raised an eyebrow, 'tell me what?' Her eyes locked on mine 'I love you.'

Suddenly i was spinning lost beyond the light grey blue her eyes had taken to being these days when i realized i hadn't said anything and i was suddenly grounded still looking at her, her eyes began to mist and she stood. i grabbed her wrist without realizing i did so and looked at my hand. She stopped and looked at me so i stood and caught her eye 'I love you too K.'

My heart skipped and my head exploded something in me shook me and i started to shake she wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. 'what's wrong why are you shaking?' I wanted to tell her to tell anyone but i couldn't. I put my arms around her and picked at one of the scabs that stuck out from under my sleeve and stared at the tree in the field behind her, she pulled back a little bringing me back down again and looked at me. 'It's ok you don't have to say anything..' My throat closed around the word that was trying to come out so i just looked to the ground and put my arms to my sides. Her shadow began to move so i followed it and she sat beneath the tree, our tree and leaned against the base, i sat on a root and looked off into the field 'Hey K' her shadow head tilts over so i know she's looking at me 'yeah D?' a quick pause 'Do you think i'll be like this forever?' She crouches down to my level and puts her forehead to my hair and laughs 'no i'm sure you'll get better someday'

Some-days i think she was right but then i start shaking again and the world spins and I'm not here anymore which brings me to the next scene...

It was cold for late august and the trees had begun to change, everything was changing i was laying across a branch stroking one of the willows long leaves when a sound from below nearly startled me out of it and i looked down to see a small huddled form against the base. 'Why am i so stupid? Why should she ever love me? I'm horrible and all I'm ever going to do is hurt her and i know it so why do i even breathe?' I see tears as they stain dark on her jeans but i don't say anything or move i just watch 'Why do I even bother trying to love? Can't she see i haven't a heart..can't anyone? Can anyone even see me?' I don't want to startle her so i sneakily climb lower and sit on a branch just above her nearly within reaching distance it's then i see the blade i dig my nails into my palms so i don't lose myself again carefully grounded i wait to see what she does carefully climbing up a few more branches. She turns to the tree and carefully peels out the etching of a heart on the base. 'I'll never do anything right, I'm such a mess.' I see she's shaking her eyes bright and swollen from crying, i want to say something but my words choke and all that comes out is a tiny sigh. She jumps and drops the blade and looks straight up at me and her face twists. I leap from the tree and run across the field into the woods I hear her footsteps as she follows but i was always faster. I drop down into my tunnel and walk along the empty corridor but i hear a thump behind me. I forgot she knew where the entrance was so i run ahead into the cave and sit on one of the chairs and try to look as if i'm furniture, a few moments later she breezes into the room and looks down the other hallway first then turns and sees me sitting there. Her face calm and pale,her eyes cold and dark she walks over and kneels in front of me 'Why were you spying on me?' i look away, look anywhere but at her 'I..I wasn't..' She punches the stone floor and i jump 'Don't lie to me D.' I look at her 'I-i dd-didn't mean to..' a tear falls and she reaches up but i flinch away from her hand. Her face contorts again 'Damn it! i can't do anything right' She stands and turns and runs down the second passage. I want to follower her, to call to her to say anything but I'm frozen and the floor becomes the ceiling and i am nowhere. Lost inside everything screaming at me to move, to stay, to say something, to find her, to run, to hide..to do something but i can't move i can't feel i just want it all to stop..why didn't i say anything..

And now i sit and reflect and i can only wonder that if i had said something..if anything would have changed. If only i hadn't been so weak..but nothing will change this it's only a memory so i banish it from my mind and now i sit back and talk to my Dollie and smile because i know, well i almost know. am almost completely positive that will not happen again..and nod to myself. yes today will be a better day.

[Delirium.]

"You did What?!" She giggles and looks at the ground "i told you K it's her choice" she looks to the ground then back up at me with a mildly annoyed face "I'm watching out for her, more then you're doing! Busy fighting for some stupid.." I leveled my gaze at her and she lost her words "Don't finish that." She looks away then levels an icy glare at me "She's your girl I'm only trying to keep you happy D and all you do is ignore what i tell you" My eyes grow cold but my heart drops and i look to the floor. "Oh, i didn't mean to hurt you." She sits beside me and her familiar energy runs across me like a blanket."I do what i can you know that. Recovery takes time and she's not going to just do it; it isn't that easy you know that as well as i do K" She sighs and looks to the floor "I know i just don't want to see you hurt again" I glare daggers at her and stop listening "I can do this just..trust me K..ok?" She stands and walks by the door "I don't understand i'm here for you and you push me away every time i try to help..you're doing the same things you've always done and you know what it didn't work before! And you know what happened then..You're doing the same thing she's going to do to you just open your eyes would you?" All my ears hear is blah blah blah.."Are you listening?!" i glance and scoff so she continues "listen..ok? cos i'm only gunna tell you this once. when im not here i'm there and i'm still going to talk to her because i think she should know." I continue typing to my doll and i know where she's gone but i don't know if she will talk to her today now, we will just have to see.

I was walking through the tunnel, the lights on both sides bright,with the exception of a few which flashed needing new bulbs. At the end i walk out onto the old road off into the desolate rusted train tracks, worn from weather and left to rot forgotten and over grown. I walk down them for what seems like hours, the moon steadily rising and the path grows steadily invisible. i continue to walk until the moon was just above and my watch signaled midnight. I turned and not 5 feet behind was a person walking towards me. Crimson waves falling about a pale face illuminated by only the moon she walked easily and with grace as if it was not her first time through here. Though I'd never seen her before she stopped just a foot away. Her voice soft almost too quiet to hear "Are you lost?" I looked around and saw that i was no longer on the tracks "yes..it appears i am." She smiles and turns the other way "Come then we'll get you back" I catch her pace and walk beside her "My name is Kendra..wots yours?" I glance at her and my voice shakes a little "I'm Delirium" She turns to me and smiles "well it's nice to meet you so wotchu doing out here?" I laugh and rub my arms nervously "I needed to get away" She doesn't ask anything else so i look at her "Why are you out here?" She looks to the ground "I needed to get away too.." We walked until we came to the tunnel and she turned to me "I live right over there..stop by sometime" I shift on my feet "are you always out here this late?" She laughs then looks around "Uh yeah usually." I look at my watch and see that I'm going to get the lashes for being late again "Well I've got to go..tomorrow then?" She nods and giggles and disappears into the trees and i continue my walk back home.

[Delirium.]

I've come to realize over time that all that's keeping me from moving forward is all that I've tried so hard to leave behind.

"K i can't do this anymore." She watches me her eyes darkening as she lowers them to the ground taking my hands in hers "Do what D?" I pull my hands away and put them in my pockets staring at the wall just behind her shoulder "I can't pretend everything's ok anymore. I can't keep turning my back on everything when everyday i come closer to doing.." She steps directly into my line of vision and glares daggers strong enough to rip my soul apart "Don't you tell me that D." I sigh "well who do i tell if not you..you know i have no-one else!" Her jaw drops a little and she looks wounded "What about..her?" I close my eyes and lower my head "I don't want to hurt her or scare her..i just don't know what to do." Her hand touches my face and she raises my face to meet hers "You know what is right and you know how you feel. You've got something great So why throw it away for your own insecurities Why can't you be happy?" My eyes mist over and i feel the burn as a tear slides down "I don't know how" She shakes her head "The D i know never would have said anything like that." I catch her eye and with a cool hard tone say "The D you know is Dead K. She has been for a very long time." She recoils and watches me but i know my face doesn't change "That isn't true." I keep a blank face and i know she knows i'm lying, she shakes her head and turns her back to me "The only thing in you that has died D is your heart.You're cruel now and i don't know when i lost you..or when you let the world get to you" I lower my head ashamed I hadn't meant what i said. "The day i realized my heart beats for nothing." She whirls and hits me. i feel the anger as it pulses to my cheeks but i remain calm and leave my head turned away "How dare you say that. You promised Alex..you promised her..you promised me" I look over at her "And you left and broke yours so why is it different what i do?! why should you care at all K?! why are you even still here?" I feel each word tear my throat burning like acid as they fall from my mouth, and my heart doesn't mean them but it isn't me talking. "I'm here because I love you and i hate seeing you hurt and I'm here until you are happy." I look away and turn my back "Well you're going to be waiting a long time because i am never meant to be happy." I walk away from her and whisper "I'm sorry.I'm so sorry."

She pops up and the ding of the IM thing makes my heart flutter a single 'poke' is all it takes to light up my eyes, how does that work? I'm smiling and thinking about days to come. "She really is beautiful D." The voice making my head turn and K sits lightly on the headboard, I nod and type away and she peeks over my shoulder "So this is what you do everyday and I've never seen you so happy to be isolated" I glance at her and reflect "I beg to differ you've seen me happier isolated." She laughs "Ah but you weren't alone then.You had you're little friends." I withdraw and turn back to my screen "I don't have them anymore" She leans forward "I know but you want them and that's why I'm here today. Don't do it." I scoff and hesitate mid-sentence and look at her "I hadn't planned on it" She smiles and takes something from my pocket and tosses it out the window "Don't lie to me D i know you better then you know yourself these days" I scowl and continue what i was typing "That's only because I'm trying something new K." She looks over at me "Oh? and what's that? Finally going to love are you?" I don't grace her with an answer because she already knows "Oh, D i uh went to see how she's holding up.." I glance up in her direction "and..?" She sighs heavily and looks down "I don't think she's doing so well..and i think she isn't going to tell you until she has no choice but to.." I look back down and my eyes well up while i watch the IM bar as she tells me she loves me again "I really hope you aren't right K. because I don't think i could ever love another after this.." She nods but says nothing "get some sleep D you need it. I'll see you in the morning" I say goodnight to my love and rest my head on my pillow. Falling steadily into yet another twisted dream..and yet somehow I'm always sitting with her in the end, just holding her in my arms and smiling. I wonder if that's how it will be the day i wake up and she's there. With her beautiful smile lighting up my morning. My own little sun bringing the light I've needed for so long. Ad how could she not see how much she means to me and why? She is everything I've always dreamed of. My Love and soon she'll be right in my arms, our hearts beating as one. What a dreamer i am.

"But i love her." i whisper under my breathe, "And she loves you.rest well D." K says as she leans over me to kiss my cheek "Goodnight."

[Delirium.]

I walk through the wasteland of what is left of what they tell me is my life. Or rather the end of it. The cold hard rocks decay and crack falling away 10,000 feet below to the summit where i once stod looking up wondering what it would be like to be that close to the sky. To the moon.To everything i thought i would know if i ever got there. Funny how i know these sheets of rocks which slide down would have hit my head, and if they had perhaps i would have found some clarity. Or solace in knowing the summit was better then the peaks of my despair.

I spin to find myself face to face with her, she jumps and loses balance teetering precariously close to the edge, i reach out and take her hand and pull her onto firm ground "I wasn't expecting you to see me." I release her and look to my feet "Maybe you should have been more quiet...and would you be careful?" She scoffs and paces the jagged ledge "It's not like if i actually fell anything would happen." I glare at her knowing she'd test it and preferring she wouldn't and i walk in the other direction, i hear her footsteps as she follows "So where are you going?" She asks as i slowly climb the steep hill. "Somewhere new i guess." She looks around and hops up to stop in front of me 'Shouldn't you learn your surroundings before you make a hike like this? you might fall through" i scowl and continue walking through her. "Well yeah if i was worried about what might happen." I kick a few rocks and watch as a small avalanche cascades below my feet. "That's dangerous you know" I glance at her "The D is for dangerous i figured you'd have learned that by now" She laughs "Ah so you have lost you're mind then" I smile "Yeah must have since I'm talking to you still K." She turns and goes back down the hill off into the trees that lead to the base. But i know she isn't upset. I look up and see that i am at the very top, looking down i see a cave, and i assume there must be tunnels beyond. MY curiosity gets the better of me and i race down the slope to peer inside

"You don't know what's in here" I jump and see K standing just within the mouth of the cave. "Oh and you do?" She nods and turns into the inky darkness within her voice echoes off the walls "If you follow the tunnels long enough you'll come to our field you know." I walk into the darkness and my eyes start to adjust "I always wondered where that fourth tunnel led to." I wander in following her voice as she sings skipping along. We arrive in our cavern the one i most commonly recollect in and i glance around and race out to the woods and out to the field. "Did you know your blood is still on the grass K?" She shakes her head and we continue "It hasn't rained yet to take it away." She stops shy of the scene and turns to me "It must be hard for you to come here." I shake my head. "It was the only place i was every happy." Her face falls slightly but she smiles "I'm glad you remember happier things."

But some days the darkness would creep into the gaps, the places where i left doubt to resonate and i would remember everything.

Her face covered in blood and tears i picked up her limp body, the cool air chilling me to the bone as i ran towards the road my shirt torn and wrapped around the wound to create a makeshift tourniquet she looks up at me her eyes glazed and her expression scared "You're going to be Ok K. You will be..please don't leave" I'm running at full speed the road seems too long and i'm afraid i won't make it. She presses her hand to my chest and i feel my heart slamming against it and she closes her eyes "Don't go..please don't go. we're almost there." The automatic doors at the hospital slide open and I race to the desk stammering "She's cut her throat i need help, please help me!" The woman behind the desk jumps up and races to a phone on the wall, a few seconds later a doctor wheeling a stretcher comes over to me, and i place her gently down. They push her down the hall,and i walk beside brushing her hair from her face "How long has she been like this?" They ask me my mind panics and i look at the clock "Only a few minutes i think..I'll give my blood! will it save her i'll do anything." The doctors look her over and i sit beside her in the operating room they remove my shreds of shirt dripping crimson onto the clean white floor "What's your blood type?" "O-positive" They nod and hook me up to the machine, my blood slowly filling her as they stitch her together. "She's lost a lot of blood.." My face turns to pleading and tears roll down my cheeks They look from her to me, her eyes are watching me she raises a hand but i put it back to the bed with mine on top "Don't move K." The monitor shows a steady drop the doctor turns to me "She isn't going to make it." She's just lost too much" I rip the cords from my arm and sit beside her carefully pulling her up so her head is resting on my chest and i pet her hair she opens her mouth but no words come out so she mouths them "I'm sorry..I'm sorry' I shake my head "No, don't be I'll love you forever OK just don't ever forget that.I love you." Her monitor goes still, the steady empty beat i set her against the bed, and give the doctor her name and number and run from the hospital tears streaming down my cheeks.

It wouldn't be the last time I would have to say goodbye. To those who meant the most to me.

[crazykat]

Oooh good updates

[Delirium.]

I stand in your door frame, staring just past your ear at the crow in the window, you call him Hazard. I think he looks more like a chaos. But that's me, you're speaking a foreign tongue though one I remember well. "E Muja Oui." I smile and look at my feet, and the thousands of dancing particles of the thick black carpet "I love you too" I smush the toe of my chucks into the carpet and lose the tip momentarily. You grab my shoulders gently and move me into your room sitting me on the bed. I'm still watching my sneakers and i start to count the laces, your hands touch my face and i jump and slide across the bed your hand drops and i feel you shift as you sit next to me. "I didn't mean to scare you" I shake my head and look at you "I didn't mean to j-j-jump" I look back to my feet and count the holes for the laces but you rest your hand on my arm when i get to thirteen. "D lookit me?" I look around then over towards you "No, really D look." I raise my eyes to meet yours and the room spins i grip my knees and tap my fingers 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,3,2,4. 1,4,3,2.

You lean forward just enough so that i almost see two of you and you hold out your arms. I raise mine and hug your head and you laugh "no..hug here" and you put my arms at your waist and i squeeze "Well tat would make more sense huh?" You giggle at me and my eyes mist looking back down i tap my fingers in weird patterns "8,7,2,3,4,5,1,6. 6,2,8,5,1,3,7,4. You speak very softly "I didn't mean to upset you..i wasn't laughing at you" My shoulders are traitors. I feel them shiver and an icy tear falls down my cheek, your fingertips wipe it and i want to say something but i choke. 3,2,7,8,4,6,1,5.

I feel you rise from the bed, and suddenly i see your boots in front of mine. Red laced anarchics knee high. Your hands are on my shoulders and you tap me back and i lay you climb on top with a smile and rest your head against my collarbones. I wrap my arms around you and pull a pillow to rest my head "K o-one day i w-w-won't be so b-bad" You smile "I know D, and i'm here till then and after" I want to smile but my face doesn't even twitch so i just lay back and look to the ceiling.

[crazykat]

Good update

[Louise]

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazykat

Good update

[DestroyMe]

^ I agree

[Delirium.]

The stars seem so close, but so far. When i reach out to touch it it runs away. Perhaps i am too small to be burned into the universe.

'Same things you always say D.' Her brilliant eyes are watching me as i affix my mask and paint across the canvas, a young woman under a tree, spray paint covering my hands as i work 'Are you ever going to complete this? and why do we have to do it at night' I smile behind my mask and stop spraying to answer 'When i am done we can spend our nights together properly again, i'm sorry but it's a night scene just please?' You sigh and turn back the other way so i spray your hair flowing in the breeze along side the old willow. The moon creating a light halo and your eyes glistening as bright as a star your reaching out to touch. Ivory on inky black. The moon shocked at the beauty. I do the last lines and i stand back looking at it 'It's not very good K. i don't think i did it right." she smacks my head 'don't be silly fool. It's gorgeous' Your eyes go a billion shades brighter and i smile looking at my feet and i feel your arms wrapped around my shoulders 'you're the best thing that ever happened to me.' I feel myself go crimson.

I once was a best thing..

My walls bring me back and i see through the cracks in the nearly closed doors hiding.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering-

I scramble under the bed and i hear his footsteps i hear my brother's screams and the crack of a belt then quick footsteps and my door creaks open. I curl into a ball n a far corner watching as the boots come closer. The smell of alcohol soaking the air and i see a hand come down and i close my eyes and i am dragged out still curled solidly 'I told you to f-ing be to sleep at 6 it is now 630!' the belt comes down hard 'You insolent disrespectful little bastards get in your f-ing bed' I don't move don't open my eyes just stay in the ball Picked up by the hair and thrown onto the bed i hear the belt crack and brace for it's hit 'you will learn to f-ing listen' i don't feel it hitting me but i hear the crack. Slowly drifting to sleep away from this place.

'Yes, mistress.' He bows to his knee and looks into my eyes 'I am yours to keep Mistress.' His dark eyes shadowed by his hair,his coat billowed around his ankles, one hand raised towards me, spikes and scars litter the edges of the cuffs. I take his hand and nod, closing my eyes. He jingles as he stands and takes my hand. 'Where to mistress?' I look across the field, the staff pacing back and forth I look to a tree a yard or so away from the edge of the trees and we walk slowly over, two shadows drifting. I take out my notebook and we write 'Mistress Jayde and Master Krow, Face the darkness all alone.' I hand him the book and we split to head back up to the cottages. The 67 steps easily ran and we wait by the door for the staff to unlock the door.Night time meds showers and I go to sleep wondering what reply i may get. The next day I walk to my class and take a seat, he sits beside me. An unspoken agreement as this is what we do everyday. He smiles and slides the book across before the teacher looks. I look him over and then turn to the book opening it to the page
'To my mistress, the beautiful jayde.
What lives we lead faceless behind the masks,
We take the flask and sip the cask,
Our hands we bind in silver twine,
and i am yours and you are my mistress.
Never shall you distress,
because we'll make this world a mess."

I look over at him..

Months pass and we have left that place. "Jayde, i can't talk to you anymore. Sarah forbids it." I nod "I'll miss you, Goodbye Krow Faceless." "I will always love you, Goodbye Mistress Jayde Spyder."
The empty click and i feel my heart close. The first words i've spoken in years and they had to be goodbye.

So the doors close and i no longer wish to remain at the keyhole.

[Delirium.]

I reach for the mail and i look at the letter, nearly drop it from my hand.

Printed neatly on the front 'Kaitlyn Kendra' But she had been gone for so long..

Tearing the flap on the envelope i open in and am drowned in an old nostalgic scent. I unfold the page gently ink smeared in salty tears long dried.
'My dearest Delirium,

Somewhere in your heart, find it in you to forgive me,
My sins so great and i'm sorry for your pain.
You are not the reason i am gone today. I couldn't hold it in anymore,
and too scared to come out and say. If i haven't made it this letter is for you. I've hidden it amoung my books, hopefully you'll read it.
I've always loved you, and always will. And as long as your heart still beats I live within your chest. We are one and forevermore i am etched into your soul. Please forgive my intrusion I love you D. Please don't follow me, you'll see someday there's a reason to be. I wanted to be your world, but my imperfections took me. Forgive me, i'm sorry.
I'm leaving soon, only hours left and please don't cry for me. I only want you to be happy, and i know someday you will be. I'll see you again someday. Until then i bid you good eve.

From your dearest love,
Kendra.

I set the letter beside my bed and stare through the cieling, beyond the walls in my head. another letter falls out and i pick it up and open it

Dear Delirium,
We sinceirly apologize for any suffering you have felt because of our family. We understand now we acted wrongly, and that you were only trying to save her. If you ever find it in yourself to forgive us please feel free to stop by. Kaitlyn's dying wish in her note to me was to put a special inscription to you on her tomb. We would like to know you better but if you cannot you don't need to reply to this letter. we found this in her things, there are just a few others. We hope you are doing well for yourself.

Sincerely,

K's family.

Oh, how much to take in a day. i banish these letters away for now.

what do i do now?

[DestroyMe]

wow...that's...wow

[risenfromperdition]

wow o.O

[Delirium.]

I don't want to relapse, Don't want t be a statistic. I almost rejoined the marine corps. but i couldn't bring myself to leave my new life behind. But now i'm leaving it behind anyways..just like always..

I raise my arms above my head, watching the trickle as it flows to my shoulders, the sun illuminating the crimson against my ivory skin. The skies are bright and not a cloud nearby. i sit with my legs crossed and let my arms fall to the ground. As above, As well as below. And i will become one with the earth. I watch as the trails go down to drip off my hands, the grass becoming stained and slippery.
The world becoming invisible,misty. Red.

I awaken strapped down to a hospital bed. Not unusual. my arms are bandaged and the string tugs when i push against the straps. one starts to bleed and i watch it soak easily through the bandage, the doctor comes in just as it starts to drip and he pages a nurse. K comes running in and she hugs my torso 'No D. No, you can't no...' I smile at her 'I'm not doing anything K.' She glares at me but then smiles 'Well your still alive so it's ok i forgve you and i'm here t get you anyways' They un-tether my wrists and restitch my arms and give K a list of things to do. 'Lets go home D.' i walk out into the bright morning light 'How long have i been gone?' She glances at me 'three days.' i sigh and we get into the car and back home.

Almost a statistic.so close.

But deep inside i still longed for my silver to meet my ivory to make pools of crimson,the fairest beauty yet.

[Delirium.]

The walls speak words even my soul wouldn't dare to recall. If only they had a mouth in which to whisper my secrets, would you be daring enough to listen?

Long ago it would seem we rested here alone. The wind drawn tightly into our knees as we kneel beside the window. Your hands across my shoulders and your face buried in my hair as you whispered into my ear 'what's wrong D?' i would stay silent and simply scribble a note, handing you the tiny book which states 'The secrets are within the walls' You squeeze my shoulders then turned my head with your fingertips looking down into the desolate dark corners of my soul 'If what you want me to know is in your walls, let down your guard.Please trust me D i'd never hurt you' I close my eyes because i knew it wasn't true.

Much as I close my eyes now next to the same window and think how it must have felt when you realized you were going to break that promise. Your bandana in my hand clutched tightly. Your arms around my neck again, but when i reach to hold you in return i go through you. This pain come everyday. Do you feel the pain too? To know all you love you could walk right through and what if when i finally join you, you no longer love me and turn a cold shoulder?

I'm so scared of what could be that I am afraid to be.

I'm staring out the window watching the clouds pass over the moon.The chill breeze enveloping me and your arms are about my neck. My chest filled with happiness as i set aside the telephone. Tommarrow brings us closer then today, and soon tommarrows will bring me the day you are finally in my arms. I love you Dollie.

'I love you, K. But i'm in love with her.'

[Delirium.]

I open my eyes the sun shining unto me. And i think at what point exactly did i come to be awake? Sitting up and looking around my room.

I awaken sitting on a bench in the park, and how is it that i came to be here? I look around me the sun shining into the weeds. One of my friends walking towards me 'Hey D why you sitting in the park this early?' I glance at my watch and see that it is only minutes before 9. 'I could ask you the same' I chuckle as she rocks on her heels and tosses a pebble into the water 'It's the prettiest in the morning..' She says after a moment. I smile and offer her to sit beside me. My brain secretly still trying to grasp on how we came to be here. We fell asleep lying in our bed and awoke in a new place all together, was i dreaming?
Am i still dreaming?

I'm not sure I would ever know if I was just dreaming.

[Delirium.]

The guillotine game!

how far would you go to feel nothing at all? Can you tell me what will it take to save you from falling? Should i sprout wings and fly for you?

You tilt your head amused and put a pair of angels wings and devil's horns upon me. I stare at you blankly and you laugh and take a photo.
'The first of the infiltrators to heaven' I glare at you and you snap another photo 'Why didn't you just put me in a rainbow with wings it'd be practically the same thing now-a-days' You suddenly explode into laughter and this time i join you I cross the room and put the little horns on you.

You look up at me and say 'would you like to play a game?' I tilt my head and think 'well sure what is the game called?' You smile and jump up taking my heads and we go outside 'It's called the guillotine game, what you have to do is think of all the laws you can, and think how many they would kill you for had we lived in the days of beheading!'

We spend hours devising ways we would be taken away by the royal guards. Then out to a bright autumn's eve. We danced in the streets and my little wings flapped 'You're like an angel' You say with a gleam 'And you a little demon, or so it seems.' You stop and take my hands 'But that's why we're meant to be.' I smile 'That's why we're forsaken to earth as a lesson to lovers that should never be. But love prevails!'
You hug me tight 'Only because even putting us on earth,seperating us by every possible means we still find each other.'

And I'd awaken from the dream thinking now just for fun to play just one more round of the guillotine game.

[crazykat]

Really good updates :)

[Delirium.]

'I am talking to you because i need you! If i didn't love you wouldn't still call. I don't want to throw away everything we've been through.Why can't you just tell me how to work it out?' I plead beneath your feet looking up at you in despair 'All we do is make each other angry, our problem isn't going away.' You glance down at me all i can think is if you're going to leave leave. 'You keep telling me i am YOURS and i should be that way, well You are mine as well or are you? i just don't want to hear about what's going on anymore between..' 'Well at least he doesn't make me angry' 'Well run off with him then!' You run out i follow 'that was ****ed up' You say with your back to me 'I only say it because i'm bitter, and i'm not trying to fight with you or make you angry, I apologize i know i say some ****ed up things and we treat each other like ****, but there has to be a way to fix this.' You turn to me 'I don't know what to do, i'm going to bed Goodbye, i'm going to make another brand for you now.'

And what do i do what do i say? I simply watch you walk away. I return to the room and tears fall from my face.I pull out a blade staring at my arm. I will write your pain away. Curves and lines on the inside of my wrist spell just kill me. Do you know i can't take this pain i wish you would leave, and i want you to stay. I can't stay inbetween inwardly screaming each day.

What do i have to do to change enough for you to love me again?

The shine against the red. Willows gracing the brinks of the puddles as we kneel with our pain shown again. How long will it take me to realize i won't have to do this again.

I'm sorry i wasn't stronger, I'm sorry I'll never be good eough for you. I'm sorry you had to leave,I'm sorry i couldn't say more.I'm sorry i couldn't speak enough for a you and me to be. And i'm sorry my apologies will never fix the rift between us.

[crazykat]

This is good