I actually deleted my msn messenger because of this. I used to have my MSN on my profile but in the end it became too much. Every time i logged on 3 or 4 people would start talking to me, telling me they had overdosed or intended to do so, and this would be people i didn't even KNOW.
In the good old days i have sit up night after night, trying to make sure someone was ok after having taken a lot of pills. And the next day they'd come back on chat and it would start all over again.
I can't deal with this anymore. So i deleted my messenger and stay out of chat.
It's a hard thing because on one hand i want people to reach out for help but on the other hand i cannot handle the constant suicide threaths from someone who's really, really struggling. I can listen and urge them to seek help. But that's it. I will not put myself out there anymore where someone thinks their life depends on something i say or do.
Reach out for help if you need it but respect that the people behind the screens are human too.
^ I think that's the point, and also the people are also vulnerable. None of us are professionals and whilst we can understand and chat there isn't alot that we can really do!
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
I don't like that. When people say they have nothing to live for and they want to end it, and I try and try to help them, its emotionally draining on me, and when I feel i have to log off, and haven't finished helping them, I stress all night.
):
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
Personally I think just raising the issue goes some way to solving it, after all the vast majority of members don't mean to hurt and worry people, they just don't think. I guess it's a little bit like drink-driving as that for a long time it was socially acceptable and people just weren't aware of how dangerous it could be, once people were aware of the implications of their actions the numbers of people doing it reduced a lot.
Otherwise I think people need to be really hot on reporting it to mods so it can be dealt with. Sometimes people tell me that someone has repeatedly been doing it in chat, but then they didn't save the logs or would have felt to mean reporting someone who is going through a bad time. I think it's important to point out that we mods aren't completely insensitive and we aren't going to be nasty or harsh to someone who is struggling, we will use some tact and try and make them see that such behaviour isn't appropriate and to try and encourage them to find better ways of expressing their feelings. So don't worry about reporting suicide threats, our job is to help keep RYL safe which includes the members making the threats as well as those on the receiving end of it.
One thing I would like to say, because several people here have said they've been "guilty" of doing this, is that I don't think talking about suicidal feelings is the same as suicide threats. For me, I have found it helps sometimes to discuss those feelings and have someone else point out the irrationality in what I'm saying, but I would never say something like, "I am about to kill myself" to anyone, or express any actual plans, especially not here where I know people are vulnerable.
I recommend not giving out your msn or anything of the sort to anyone here unless you have talked to them for awhile. I know, at the beginning, I used to be more willing to give out this information. It became overwhelming, and it gets old spending ages trying to help someone who never so much as says "how are you" to me.
I actually have two seperate MSN accounts for that exact reason. Sometimes I can be of use, other times I can't - and people don't always understand that.
I was talking about this to a friend in the real world last night. About a year and a half ago I had been texting her and she was really worried about me - I couldn't make sense of what my mind was doing and whilst I did NOT make a suicide threat, she was concerned whether I was okay or not. Her family rang my dad and spoke to him. At the time I was really upset, I didn't think I'd ever be able to speak to anyone ever again - but in reality, what she did just showed how much she cared.
Sometimes people will be told things, or will discuss things that have to be passed on. People cannot have others lives in their hands. They can try to support and be there, but there's actually very little they can do over the internet.
I have, and always stick to the point, said that I would rather someone spoke to me, than went and harmed themselves - and I'll always think that. That's why I continue to speak to people, worry about them and do everything within my power to help them - but I'm not a professional, I don't have all the answers and sometimes my help isn't enough; and that worries me.
I think having a list of links and support that you could refer people too might be a good idea if you need that. For example, you could refer them to the sams in the UK and such. These are people who are trained and whilst we don't 'know' them and they aren't our friends, they can be trusted and they are there to help you.
The thing I hate most, if someone says they want to OD, or have OD'ed, or are going to OD - or whatever, is that I can't physically do anything to stop them. That hurts. Alot.
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
Suicide feelings and suicide ideas are common amongst mental health illnesses, this site is a place for those people to come to.
I have talked about wanting to end my life on here before, but this is a site to come to when you feel crappy, to express yourself, to get support, comfort and advice. Sure, we are not professionals, but from my experiences, friends are better than professionals and provide a heck of a lot more support and comfort than any professional I've seen since I was 7 years old.
I've tried to kill myself more than I'd like to say, or even remember, but there are times where I have been "saved" from that, because of my friends, because they listen, because they comfort me, because they help me get through that time.
If you cannot handle people who are in that vulnerable, desperate state, then tell them that if it's too much for you, they cannot help how they feel, and most of the time, they just want a listening ear, some comfort, someone to care about them... But if being in that position, being on the other side, is too much for you, and could very well be triggering, tell them and say they need to get some help elsewhere, whether that's from forums like this, or from the authorities, or professionals, or family members, friends, etc.
One thing I would like to say, because several people here have said they've been "guilty" of doing this, is that I don't think talking about suicidal feelings is the same as suicide threats. For me, I have found it helps sometimes to discuss those feelings and have someone else point out the irrationality in what I'm saying, but I would never say something like, "I am about to kill myself" to anyone, or express any actual plans, especially not here where I know people are vulnerable.
I recommend not giving out your msn or anything of the sort to anyone here unless you have talked to them for awhile. I know, at the beginning, I used to be more willing to give out this information. It became overwhelming, and it gets old spending ages trying to help someone who never so much as says "how are you" to me.
hey yeah. talking about feelings and being honest trumps making threats.
^^I agree. If I don't want help, I don't ask for it. There's a difference between "I want to commit suicide or I want to cut" and taking advice and talking it through and "I am going to cut/kill myself and there's nothing you can do to stop me". I think the latter has more to do with the person liking someone putting all their energy into talking them out of it, and it's really unfair.
As for getting suicide threats, I figure all I can do is give them the options they have, go to the hospital, tell someone, etc. You can't take everything everyone says on here at face value, because the unfortunate truth is sometimes people lie for attention. Not that all people do, but you have to take into consideration that that might be the case with whoever is threatening suicide. And if they are serious about it, it's not your fault. you did nothing but help them. Unfortunately you have to be kind of hard when it comes to this site. If people want help, then give it to them. But if not, then that is their decision. It doesn't reflect you. You have to take care of you. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and no one can ever really blame suicide on someone else, especially someone they only know on the internet. So report it, and just tell them if they don't want help, there's nothing you can do.
^yup. honestly..i'd like the freedom to be able to say 'i don't want to live anymore' on here on a severely triggering for suicide tag, because that'd alert someone that i REALLY am not in a safe place. but it's not...idk. in that case i'd also need to reach out for help to one of my friends.
it's a very horrible thing to go through - having suicide threats thrown at you. I am sure many (including myself) have been guilty of saying something they intend to do, which could put others through stress.
I think at the time, people just dont think what they are doing. Their minds may be all over the place and they just feel they need to get something like this out, and unfortunately, in a community where everyone needs their own support and space, it can go down very wrong.
I did read through most of this thread, but then got tired, so dont think i didnt make an effort!
LOL
Anyway, thanks for posting. My PM box is always open x
Suicide feelings and suicide ideas are common amongst mental health illnesses, this site is a place for those people to come to.
I understand that but many of the people they talk to may have as well. I feel i'm being misunderstood with this thread im not talking about people who say are in a desperate state every now and again or talking about wanting to end their life i can cope with that. What im saying is more sort of specifying people who consistantly tell me they're going to do so. Every single cconversation consists of that.. which could be say in a matter of hours or say a day in between which can become very draining and is unfair... in my opinion in the least.. i think thats taking it the extra mile when it comes to being considerate or simply wanting to talk. I myself have been guilty of it... but i dont come into chat specifically aim certain members and am going to tell them every time i log on im going to kill myself and then rub it in their faces as much as possible. I've wound up in tears from some of the treatment i've got... or triggered/ suicidal myself.
One example was i came on here a month or so ago in a desperate state and was trying to talk over my fears of ringing ambulance/ going to hospital... just so that i could calm down enough to save my own life. I even got pm'ed at that moment with the same info... i didnt have the time to block i was so shakey and a mess i didnt have the energy but it made things a lot more heightened... but at that moment it was obvious i was in no state to be supportive.. i then got called a selfish b*tch for not helping them in which was not helpful to my state of mind which they knew was going on through posts in open chat... I was in hospital for a little while and feared coming home to any of the pms i had on here when i logged back in again.. many times i thought i should have ignored my own life and concentrated saving someone who deserved it more...that they were right in me being a selfish b*tch for actually even wanting to save my life.. it still runs through my head now! But i know now if i tried to help they'd have just ignored it anyway. (They are still alive.. i know you think by now i would stop believing they'd act but from behind a computer screen i cant tell whether they're telling the truth or not) If id been in a place to do so i would have saved chat log but for one... i was in an internet cafe and another... i was obviously in no ability to do so. I'd come out of a dissociated state in a mess and was very much frightened... It was obvious i couldnt help but they still did so?
I know other members have got such things/ treatment. This is more aimed at that sort of thing mentioned above.. not the every once and again a member comes in desperate.. I will do everything in my power to help them at those times.. but with the consistant badgering and then foul treatment for not helping.. I havent recieved such treatment in a while now after following some of the advice on this thread (thanks by the way) but i know some people may still be recieving this treatment.
By the way my comment isnt aimed specifically at your comment it was just the only one i could think of a way to start the quick response.
Last edited by Puck : 02-12-2009 at 01:29 AM.
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit"
-J.R.R Tolkien
That's definitely out of line. All you can do is tell them to get help. You are not their counselor or psychiatrist. It's not your responsibility, though I know it's easy to feel it is.
Sometimes I can be of use, other times I can't - and people don't always understand that.
quote]
That just summed it up. Sometimes people forget that were all on here for similar reasons , and have the general attitude of
"I am hurting. You must help me regardless of your situation NOW"
Im not aiming this , and not trying to rub people the wrong way, but I have had that attitude before.
Eg. I was in completely general chat and next thing I know, someone had brought up a new conversation box with all this triggering content. I wasnt in a safe place to hear it, but after they said all that I felt too involved to just turn around and say, "yeah Ive got my own stuff going on"
I know I should have reported it, but I was in a bit of a state.
I think that if you are in that situation, you should at least check on how the other person is, if their ok to offer support etc etc, because the pressure to help when your not in the right state of mind can be really overwhelming.
Sorry im kinda rambling now lol
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
in which was not helpful to my state of mind which they knew was going on through posts in open chat... I was in hospital for a little while and feared coming home to any of the pms i had on here when i logged back in again.. many times i thought i should have ignored my own life and concentrated saving someone who deserved it more...that they were right in me being a selfish b*tch for actually even wanting to save my life.. it still runs through my head now! But i know now if i tried to help they'd have just ignored it anyway. (They are still alive.. i know you think by now i would stop believing they'd act but from behind a computer screen i cant tell whether they're telling the truth or not) If id been in a place to do so i would have saved chat log but for one... i was in an internet cafe and another... i was obviously in no ability to do so. I'd come out of a dissociated state in a mess and was very much frightened... It was obvious i couldnt help but they still did so?
