Triggering (SI/OD) - Can't stop

[Defender Of The Faith]

It's thanks to my mum. She's not being all that supportive for the cutting thing... When we argue, she uses it against me, and even uses me trying to get help against me, but... When it comes to other stuff she's pretty ace. And who cares if it's legal?! It's MONEY!!! :P

[greenleaf]

Parents can be really difficult in the respect I think. My mum doesn't know I still do it, but she used to, and she sort of skirted around the subject, never really mentioned it exactly (I'm still not sure to what extent she knows :p) and just told me not to do it again. Good advice mother... :p
If it was my kid though, I think I'd be hitting the walls, so I guess it's pretty hard for them. She shouldn't use it against you though, how come she uses you getting help against you? Surely that's a good thing?
I just found £2 in my drawer, so I'm putting off the job search for a while :p

[Defender Of The Faith]

Yeh... I know it's hard for her... Especially seeing though the last time I was cutting I also tried to kill myself... On multiple occasions... And she uses the help thing against me, I think, because she blames herself... But it's not her fault... It's like... We'll be arguing and she'll say 'if you don't like it then why don't you go tell your councillor?'. And I know she doesn't like me being on RYL because she doesn't trust the internet. But I've gotta go against her, because I don't think I'd be able to cope without these things... I mean... Here I don't feel like I'm totally on my own... And that helps a little...

[greenleaf]

That sucks a bit. Do you ever talk to her about it or does it just come up when you argue? Maybe it'd help her to know that it isn't her fault, you know, it's just something that some people do to cope. It's just like anything else really, only it has this stigma attached to it. I'm glad you don't feel totally on your own here =) 'cause you're not

[Defender Of The Faith]

I've tried talking to her... That's what normally starts the arguments... I think I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm not gonna get any help from her. I guess it's good in a way... It means I have to learn to rely on myself more.
And if I manage to beat this, it's something I can be proud of myself for... I don't generally do proud, so... Yeh...

[greenleaf]

Well she's not the only person in the world you can get help off =) Even getting to the stage where you're trying to stop is something you should be proud of! =)

[Defender Of The Faith]

I know, but... I just don't do proud. I mean... If it wasn't for me then I wouldn't be in the mess to start with, so... There's no reason for me to be proud that I've got out of it, see? Cos it's my fault anyway. Still, I'm getting there. I have a bar of chocolate in my locker for when I make it to two weeks free. 8 days to go!

[greenleaf]

I know - but the fact that it's your own problem makes it even better, so like, you should be even prouder :p if that makes sense. It's a lot harder to get through something if it's your own.
Glad that you're setting goals! =D I really hope you make it two weeks, I would be proud =)

[Defender Of The Faith]

Thank you. I'm getting there. Not sure I actually can make it, but I'm gonna give it a damned good try. :)