Spending years looking outside for what it could be. Perhaps we should look inwards. Perhaps its always been with us? Other people see it but we just seem to miss it all the time because we are looking for something else? Perhaps we have a blind spot where all others can see?
My Gosh Jess Has THE wise spoken authority and has articulated well what you should hear. (WELL DONE JESS)
I too miss you, but you have maintained well from the reports I read. Maybe there is an uncomfortable placentcy that is overwhelming you and the want to commit this behavior would satisfy the situation FOR NOW.
No matter all the research and formulas and what ifs... they can never guaranty complete death and I dont think that is really what you are needing either.
There is a difference from cutting yourself away from the pain YOU THINK you are causing, but when you TOTALLY remove yourself, there is more pain than you could imagine. We deffinately miss your presence here. I could not imagine what the ones who are PHYSICALLY around you would do with out you.
I was told once that the pain I imagine bringing to my family are so far from being reality, I couldnt see how ending life would heighten sorrow to those who knew me, failure of those who tried to help me, grief, anger, frustration....and the torrment to my children who had no say if they wanted me gone.
I want you to reach out to the person or persons you can. Let them know of the ideations that have come about. You are far from the person you describe and see yourself as. You are a warrior, a hero, a friend, an overcomer, a survivor, a lover, a wife, a mom.
I love you Romp. I do.
PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU!!
I AM A PHONE CALL AWAY!
Last edited by Rain Keeper : 20-07-2009 at 06:22 PM.
Reason: adding more...
babe, i'm ill can't read it all, words merging. but i wanted to let you know that i love you and i've seen what you have written, the stuff that you feel you cannot say to those close to you in real life, i've read it and i still love you.
sisters forever, mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
My thoughts are also with you.
I have been where you are now, so I understand.
Remember....tomorrow is another day and you never know what it may bring.
Maybe someday the illness will turn away from you and things will look up.
You just never know when that day will be,so hold on, keep your hands inside the the ride,close your eyes and it will all be over soon.
sorry to worry.
am ok.
(was actually hpoing to see this drop of the page)
Thanks so much for all your kind words, they really mean alot to me.
love
romp
