Thanks everyone. I hung around the day room but felt uncomfortable so someone got me a sandwich. The food is now posh. The sandwich was salmon and lemon mayo and i didn’t like it. There was laughter coming from the lift hatch in the cmht and it has followed me here in the hospital loft. I shouldn’t have come here. I might have put people at risk.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I didn’t get much sleep. Meds start at 10pm here and i got mine about 11.40pm. Then had to be up at 7.20am. I can hear the crackling of the other world trying to open up. It better not open in here. Nowhere is safe.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don’t like being in bed here, i’m in a dorm. A nurse spoke to me and just wants to give me prn for no reason which doesn’t even do anything. I don’t care about my safety but i need to make sure no harm comes to anyone else.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Some nurses are saying i should talk to the doctor about my diagnosis. Some say why is it important to me. One nurse said she had never seen anyone like me which made me feel very alone and hopeless. I’m so confused and distressed.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It went ok. She said not to focus on my diagnosis. She said she regards eupd as an illness where people are vulnerable and that i am experiencing psychosis and i might not be aware of what triggered it. She’s increasing my Lurasidone and Trazodone by a big amount. I’m being discharged on the 27th.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I’m ok with the med increases as long as they don’t make me drowsy through the day. Psychosis/vulnerability/trauma being the cause of the other world doesn’t make sense to me really. I don’t think i went through so much trauma growing up. I’m possibly willing to explore it (although i’d likely just keep arguing my case) and i think the doctor said she would speak to the cpns and psychology to do this. I think i told her the cpns said they can’t help me and i’ve tried psychology 4 times so she might have changed her mind about speaking to them. I’m not clear on that.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
My brother is visiting today, i’m really dreading it. It’s hard enough to see him when i’m not in hospital. I’ll have to put on a face and watch my body language. It always seems to be me who has to guide the conversation. I’m not looking forward to the how are you question and if he’ll want to know more. Any tips on getting through this?
I’ve been helping the patients in my dorm with little things they can’t do like going to the shop, carrying things, asking staff things and the staff have been fine with it but one of the staff today seems really annnoyed with me and it’s making me feel like a bad person.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I would say, don't give up on therapy. I had a few different therapies before I found one that helped. And it doesn't always help! So I go on looking. And of course the right meds has helped.
I just spoke to a nurse about not being able to imagine me being able to sit in therapy and believe whatever the therapist was trying to get me to figure out or whatever. She said she thinks i’m not in the right headspace for psychology but to give the increase in meds time to work. I don’t know how long they are supposed to take to help settle things a bit. What if i fail at responding to them in the expected timescale? I hope i will be allowed a cpn when i go home because i can’t go back to having no support.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
