Something was metioned in the afternoon part of my TC today and it brought up something I have really being trying to deal with and had been less in the forefront of my mind but now it's there again with all the ****ing noise. The suggestion from 1 of the staff? To contain it by imagining it is put at the bottom of a drawer for a week and put other, less distressing things on top of it like practical everyday stuff eg cooking tea. ****ING HELL how on earth is that going to help. I'm mad because it had reduced to a less scary level and now feel as though it is going to get out of control and too difficult for me to deal with and then end up doing something. Argh.
Sorry, rant over. Apologies also for not replying to the posts as I am not in that frame of mind just this moment.
xxx
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I started an access course today and it went well :)
Only snag was, I took the first notebook I found in my room, and when I opened it I realised it had a few old diary entries. I saw a few words and realised it was from when I was really ill, so I have decided I'm not going to read them - I crunched them up and threw them in my bag. Will put them in the bin.
I have my driving test tomorrow, I know if i fail again i will completely crash, because i did the last time. And much as im trying to convince myself it doesn't matter if i fail i an take it again. I know i will still be really upset, even though i shouldn't be.
Things are in a mess as it is, if i fail i'm not sure it's going to do me any favors in carrying on and fighting. I know that sounds petty and stupid, its just a driving test. But in my head it feels like a much bigger deal, it's about me failing at yet another thing.
Sorry for the rant, Shutting up.
***
Zowie- glad you managed to ignore the notes and bin them, also glad your course went well. =]
No reason- that doesn't sound like very good advice, don't they realise if it was that simple you probably would have done it by now?.. Try to keep safe *hugs*
Left in the centre - I can understand what you're saying, if you've been fighting for a long time to get better no matter how much you try it can feel such a long way off, almost as though it's impossible. Keep fighting it and one day it'll be worth it =]
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
Hunny it's not petty or stupid at all. I remember when i failed my first test i was heart broke over it but hunny don't think your going to fail. Good luck xx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
sleep well and have a good breakfast in the morning.
Good luck!
Good night hunny.
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Good luck with your test lost. Try not to worry too much, try to turn the worry into determination!
Left, it's 3am and I'm still up. Considering having another beer, since I have nothing to do tomorrow :P
How are you? (You're probably in bed now though!)
zowie i was in bed it took me untill 2am though.
im not so good. went to the doctors to confess im not safe (tried to kill myself this morning. failed obviously) and that i need help. then he said are you ok ? and i went yes. and it went out the window.
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Sarah, well done for bringing it up at the drs. Could you perhaps get another appt and this time let them know that you aren't ok? In the meantime, is there anyone you can contact if you become so unsafe again?
I'm feeling crappy. Been lazing around all morning. Can't get things out of my head but fortunately the sleeping tablets combined with my Quetiapine means I can sleep at the moment so less time in the day for me to have to deal with things.
I'm seeing my social worker tomorrow but I don't know what to say etc. I'm thinking of trying to write a letter of sorts as to things going on. I probably won't give it to her but maybe it would help me. I don't know.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
hi everyone.
i don't know what is going on in my head anymore, i feel so lost and alone.
i'm going out with some friends tonight just for a bit of fun and see if i can laugh for once.
i hope your all ok.
xx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
daniella i hope you manage to have fun tonight. let yourself ok hun ?
lost - ok hun. lots of people fail their tests.. my friend failed 5 times another twice and its just dependant on the person
its no recognistion of your worth of your ability to do soemthing
it just means that nerves and situations got in the way today.
if you can force yourself it might be a good idea to go out tonight.. so your not alone
Last edited by Left in the centre : 09-09-2009 at 01:10 PM.
Reason: post added just before my reply
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
it would be good to give it, sometimes its easier to say everythign in a letter then it is to talk.
Im kinda pissed off, was in pet shop today and i happend to find this house for my guniea pigs, they love this house but ive been having trouble finding it since i moved home, so of course i bought it as they had no more. It was a little dusty and had cobwebs on it, so it must have been on the storeroom for while, so i thought oh il just dust it down. So i cleaned them and threw thier old house out ready for the new one, started cleaning the new one and just found maggots crawling about inside, and NO way can i give it to them incase they are more hidden in the straw roof, because if they get on my guinea pig, they can eat them and cause my pigs suffering.
So im taking it back tomorrow to get my money back, but i just feel annoyed i threw thier old house out (ok it had no roof but they loved going in it) and they dont have it to hide in, they have a wooden log, but they love the houses, i just feel bad for them because i threw it out.
So im looking online for another one but its so hard to find them, apparantly i can get one sent over from america for the delivary price of £99,999. Yeah right!
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Lost I felt exactly like that last week I ended up turning to SI and felt rotten, but I ended up having my first good night out in months, go you might enjoy it in the end
Carrie I know how you feel about the letter I always feel like such a div when i write things down or try and explain them but its much easier if you can do it.
Well I mucked up again today over the most ridiculous thing, Ive been trying to get my tongue pierced for a couple weeks and Ive found a place that is decent that will do it but they are waiting on an order for the right sized bars or something and they said phone tues or wed, so i keep getting excited but the order hasnt come yet :( so stupid i ended up binging and purging..stupid stupid stupid makes me feel so horrid and fat after wards
anyway been for a sleep and feeling much more productive now cleaned the animals out, done the washing and now off to do hoovering and washing up. Must keep myself busy as im on my own again tonight
heya :), Carrie asked me to post on this thread to let you know she may not be on RYL for a bit as she has dropped her laptop and broken it. She can check facebook on her phone but not RYL for some reason :S
i feel alot better, im going to dundee on sat to visit my friend (or maybe friends depending if they get back to me)
Thing is, i dont know how im going to handle being back. I mean i left in the start of july and when i left i rember looking out the window and leaving there i thought, well about all the memories and everything i was leaving there.
I knew id be back to see friends and that, but i dont want to go there and get all emotional because i dont live there anymore and dont go to uni anymore.
I know it sounds stupid, but that place has alot of memories.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
